CHAINSAW: The Newest Weight Loss Revolution – Justin Hanks

CHAINSAW: The Newest Weight Loss Revolution

Justin Hanks

Millions of people around the world are disappointed by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they do more harm than good with extreme fad diets and ridiculous surgeries. These people care so much about how their bodies look on the outside, that they’re perfectly willing to destroy them on the inside.

If you’re one of these people, then I’ve got the product for you!

Would you like to wear your new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Would you like to get down to a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Would you like to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?

Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to absolutely no effort. The newest diet revolution has arrived. Introducing: CHAINSAW.

With CHAINSAW, all your problems are solved. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW program is super easy and doesn’t require months of dedication. You will shed pounds in seconds!

After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive it in the mail within 2-5 business days (shipping may be expensive). Once received, take CHAINSAW out of the packaging and fire it up. Select the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing. This part may get messy.

Once you’ve completed these easy steps, go to the nearest scale. Be careful not to slip on any red puddles of “excess pounds.” Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW.

While weighing yourself, you should notice an instant difference. Hell, if you stand on the scale long enough, you may even notice the pounds plummet before your very eyes!

The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific procedure to drop that weight to almost nothing.

So what’s the catch? How much does it cost for this miracle product? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best rate in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s exactly what we’re asking for!

Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.

CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.

118 Responses

  1. Amy says:

    Very funny. 🙂 A bit of an insane way to lose weight, I'd rather stay the same weight than that. Lol. 🙂

    Chainsaws could also be used as the next razor: for the closest shave yet!!

  2. mandie says:

    haha wow, I seriously love reading your blogs they alwasy crack me up haha XD.

    and thats cool I was in some plays when I was in elementary school, but when I got older none of my school had drama classes and I was too lazy to go out and find a drama club of some sort.

    But I love to sing too. My mom says Im good, but I think she's just saying that cause she's my mom. haha xD

  3. Mary says:

    If it looks better that would be a good thing duh!! 🙂

  4. Vicky says:

    Lol yeah, I liked the colours 😀 Thanks!

    Hehe, I just need to think of how to make them, i'll just have to practise 😀

    LMFAO @ your blog! I just read your blog out to my sister, and she thought 'chainsaw' was really a weight loss thing LOL. shes dumb 🙂

  5. Nnie says:

    Kick him. Until he dies. Lol joking.

    I love your bloggg 😀 I remember about my friend that joined a diet program, I've tell you that I guess. O yeah that girl is the same girl that has BlackBerry CURVE too.

  6. Sarah says:

    The icon is all over the place, but I got it on an Xanga site 🙂

    I love pink panther. Especially when he attempts to say hamburger 😀

    This blog is so funny! I hate people who are so obsessed with their weight when they are skinny though, especially when they only do it for attention -_- I really must suggest this method of weight loss though 😛


  7. Alya says:

    Thanks thanks <3
    I have got to try the chainsaw on myself lol hahahaha
    Hilarious…. lols
    I always love to read your blogs…
    you made my day 😀

  8. Fia says:

    No, I meant the idea. LOL xD

  9. Mary says:

    You still wouldn't be able to go to the beach cause your wouldn't have much skin on your arms you'd be asked to leave for indecent exposure.

    BTW I forgive you but be nicer to me! 🙂

  10. Fia says:


    Where the hell did you pick this from? It's hilarious! Goes well for the overly diet-obsessed people. xD

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