The Early Bird Gets the Worm – Justin Hanks

The Early Bird Gets the Worm

Justin Hanks

They say that the early bird gets the worm.  I don’t know who they are, but in my opinion, they should mind their own damn business. Did the birds start this rumor? If so, I hope they get the bird flu. It’s a stupid idiom, and I absolutely despise it.

Simply put, I disagree with the core message. It implies that the people who wake up earlier (or get things done first) will reap the benefits. Bullshit. It’s not always advantageous to be the first one up in the morning. Just look at the worm. If the worm had hit the snooze button, it wouldn’t be inside a bird’s tummy right now.

And frankly,  the expression is unfair. It assumes that all birds have an equal opportunity to be up at the crack of dawn, when truthfully, some birds are doomed from the start. There are poverty-stricken birds that can’t afford an alarm clock. They are stuck on bird-feed stamps. They live in cardboard nests.

And on the other end of the spectrum, you’ve got birds with an unfair advantage. Roosters are always up early. That’s kind of their thing.

Excuse my ramblings. In all seriousness, not everyone is a morning person. Some of us thrive at night. We shouldn’t have to follow any set schedule. We can accomplish greatness whenever we want.

I don’t want to live in a world where you can only be successful if you wake at sunrise. I’m always late to everything. Life will never go my way. I’ll probably end up with the worst job ever. What would that even be? I can just picture myself working some super sketch third-shift job at a nuclear testing facility scrubbing poop off of radioactive toilets.

And worst of all, I wouldn’t make a name for myself. No one would know my name. They’d call me Hell. They’d call me Stacey. That’s not my name. That’s not my name!

All of this because of a stupid expression about a stupid bird. It’s not worth it. The early bird can keep that stupid worm. I don’t want a nasty ass invertebrate. I’m not a fisherman. Call me crazy, but I believe that sleeping-in and having a mediocre existence sounds much better than chomping down on a squirmy, nasty bug.

Unless the worm is gummy.

122 Responses

  1. Justin says:

    so, i am so not an early bird at all, not by all means, i am so cranky in the morning, gah~ :O looks like we're in the same boat.

  2. Mimi says:

    hahaha, I feel the same way as you. Even with coffee, I still have trouble staying awake. I like worms when they're colorful and fruity 🙂

  3. Marie Claire says:

    I hate getting up early… I think I'll stick to the same job as you 😛
    Sleeping is one of the best things in life… forget the worm!

  4. Gillian says:

    Lol yeaahhh, straight guys cant go long without a girl (:
    Sorry about the forwarding to the grvatar site, i dont kno why it was doing that.
    Hopefully it wont happen again.
    Dont worry you arent the only one who can get up in time.
    I always find myself running around like a duck with its head cut off rushing to catch my bus in the morning.
    Lmao i agree , worms are pooey and gross. I cry when i see them ….

  5. Felisa says:

    I have to be up at 4:30 in the morning on Saturdays (and 5:30 on Sundays) to open at work so that makes me an early bird every day of the week. Not by choice though. However, most of the time, I feel like the early worm who gets eaten by the early bird.

    And as for your comment, the orange may look very promising from bird's eye view… then, you'll realize that it's actually an apple. Seeing things from a bird's eye view can be very deceiving. I say… be hungry for a banana!

  6. Amy says:

    Yeah, Bob the Builder's a great singer. I went to a party and the DJ ignored my request of Bob the Builder because it's childish. How mean.

    I've been sleeping in all week so someone else has been eating my worm. Power to them, they can have it. 🙂 You should never say that to children as it's no way of motivating them to get out of bed. The new version should be 'Sleep in and you can eat all the nice food you like.'


  7. Vincent says:

    Urgh. I'm not an early bird, but I'm made to be one for stupid school. YES, I'm still in secondary/high school :(. I seriously despise it. I have to get up at 7:00 am :(. Luls. Thanks, and yeah, I might just add some peepee to my site =P

    – Vincent

  8. Stephine says:

    Agreed. I am NOT an early bird. Sleeping in is much better 🙂

  9. Manda says:

    Yeah. I'm a early bird but def not by choice. I hate getting up in the morning. It's a drag.

  10. Sarah says:

    Haha, what are chucks? I’m looking at nikes.. maybe like these..



    But our uniform is blue, so I dunno 😛

    love mario party! I always lost that game though 🙁 My brother always won, EVIL.

    I had a hard test today too! A stupid science test on chemical reactions 🙁 argg. What was your test on?

    I’m an early bird.. and I don’t eve like worms.. not even the sour ones 🙂

    Your blogs are so interesting 😛


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