Bada Bop Ba Ba… I’m Lovin’ Shit – Justin Hanks

Bada Bop Ba Ba… I’m Lovin’ Shit

Justin Hanks

In the mood for a classy date, my boyfriend and I headed to McDonalds. I know, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air — A love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened — something tragic — something disturbing, nauseating, and surprisingly, a tad bit amusing. It happened while we were seated in one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids.

Let me set the scene. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat; which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of a coloring sheet. Hmph.

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open, revealing a fat, hairy man with no shirt on. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table; his arm fat flailing through the air.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the “linoleum.” With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters lower. I looked up just in time to see his lovely ass crack.

Once he was in the bathroom, the two of us looked at each other and spontaneously broke into laughter. What the hell just happened? Picking up the conversation, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped his pants.”

I smiled at his remark and began to look around the room; hoping to see funny reactions from other people who had witnessed the spectacle.

Unfortunately, something else caught my attention. I noticed something on the ground. After leaning in and getting a good whiff, I realized it was a turd. Well, it was more like a river of poo leading to the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the brown ickyness, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

At this McDonald’s, we did not put a smile on.

119 Responses

  1. Janet says:

    Awwn, thanks. πŸ™‚
    Balloons are cute? First time I ever heard that one. xD

    LOL, so romantic.
    But then… EWW. Freaking fat guy, sprinting to mcdonalds to take nice crap. *Shivers @ shit on ground*

  2. Georgina says:

    Haha well you should see how much junk food I buy now @__@

    Haha glad it did! LOL. Shit. XD

  3. Nnie says:

    You want me to get punished? *e-slap* but I got the embarrassment, especially my crush was sitting next to me that time and she witnessed my dumbness πŸ™

  4. Nnie says:

    There was an awkward silence for a moment but I didn't get what is going on. Everyone was sharing glances, some were glared at me and my best friends were laughing out loud -_- the teacher stared at me deeply and I thought my teacher came after I said that. I didn't get it at all… until when the exam was done, my friends talked to me about that πŸ™ Luckily the teacher didn't do anything πŸ˜›

  5. Georgina says:

    HUH? My mum did not starve me!!! If anything, she gives me more food than fits in my stomach! :O

    Ah, happy meals. I usually only got them for the toy. πŸ˜›

    LOL……. WTF. Hahahahahahahha.

    That is epic scary, and epic lol. I'm so sorry you had to see that shit. Literally. T_T

  6. Nnie says:

    Nothing interesting in my life :S Ugh. My life is boring and sucks like that. But something stupid happened on the Citizenship exam. Well when the teacher went outside the class everyone was sharing their answers. Then the teacher came inside but I didn't notice it. So I asked loudly "GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE ANSWER OF NUMBER 22?" :'( Random I know.

  7. Diamond says:

    Thanks (: Oh… Haha I guess you're into Physics then. A lot? πŸ˜‰ Well that's what makes the world go round eh? πŸ˜› Thanks so much!! And thanks for the comment! =)

    Haha that man sounds scary. Wouldn't want to get in his way again! =/

  8. Nnie says:

    You're using CuteNews? I didn't even realize that!

  9. Nnie says:

    Lol mwahhaah that man sounds like Godzila or something worse

  10. tiffany says:

    wow. that's like king kong running into maccas but scarier haha.

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