The Truth in Advertising – Justin Hanks

The Truth in Advertising

Justin Hanks
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The marketing industry has its fair share of bullshit. From “Do-Nothing” infomercials to self-proclaimed “Gurus,” businesses are always plotting to beat you up and take your lunch money.

It’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. If people are begging for your cash, they clearly don’t know how to get rich fast.

Oh, and for the record, there is no such thing as a free iPod. If time is money, then 50 billion hours of online surveys is way too expensive.

I suppose there’s some truth in advertising. In fact, pharmaceutical commercials are a little too honest. Have you ever see these commercials? Following a breezy montage of people who now have something to live for, you’re usually socked with a full list of cautions…

RELAXOFT may cause nose bleeds, baldness, memory loss, swollen ankles, facial boils, excessive earwax, uncontrollable cursing, an urge to play in the mud, road-rage, snoring while awake, lying under oath, atheism, and a desire to spit at small pets.”

Well damn. Next time I think I’ll keep the headache.

All these side-effects make for some awkward conversations. I can only imagine waking up one morning feeling like total crap and my mom decides to check on me. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Uhh… I took medicine.”

The honesty in pharmaceutical commercials is also confusing. Usually what’s on the television has absolutely nothing to do with the product.

Vagisil commercials have girls doing cheer-leading routines. Male enhancement commercials have guys playing golf. My personal favorite are the herpes commercials: “I have herpes.” “I don’t.” “Let’s ride bicycles.”

When it comes to medication, it’s best to let the doctors decide. They usually know what they’re talking about. Usually.

For a while, I had a doctor whose office plants were always dead. How the hell was I supposed to trust him with my life?

127 Responses

  1. Laura says:

    Haha, that would make me feel special :P. Thank you :). Awww thank you.

    It is really sad. Your a dancer? Wow that's impressive :). He is truly a loss to the music world. I suppose difference people's deaths will affect us all in different ways. I suppose his will have a fairly big impact given that he was so famous and his music was so well known. I remember telling my Dad last night after reading it online and he didn't believe me until he had checked the news channels himself. It was a big shock

    Arghhhh what is it with products that cause all of these nasty side effects. I agree, sometimes the effects are worse than the thing you're trying to get rid of in th first place. Yeah, I can imagine that being a good excuse for not going to school. Going in the next day and telling your teachers you were absent due to your medicine.

    If the commercials aren't totally unrelated then they are so ordinary people cannot understand them. They talk in this very confusing manner so anyone without some sort of Honours degree in biology cannot understand them!

    His plants were dead :|? I wouldn't have trusted him :|. My doctor is quite good although because he isn't a very young doctor his typing is not brilliant and I always want to giggle when I see him typing up stuff with one finger *gigles*.

  2. Kate says:

    oh emm gee. I completely agree with your blog.
    I mean, why sell products that have HORRIBLE side affects? : Dumb asses. That herpes advert that your talking about (i've never seen it) but it reminded be of something that happened to me once.
    I was walking home with my brother and my friend, and they were talking about herpes. And then they kept saying I had it, even though my coldsore wasn't a coldsore. And this guy walks pass, and I yelled out "I DON'T HAVE HERPES!" I flushed tomato red when the guy started cracking up laughing P:

    Sure, i'd love to be affiliates, i'll add you now ^^

  3. Sophie says:

    Sure, we can be affiliates! I'll add your link.

    I always laugh at those sort of adverts πŸ™‚ I haven't seen the ones you mentioned, but there's a few for heartburn relief or something and in on a woman is an air traffic controller (I think) and in another a bloke is driving a Formula 1 car or something. They both get heartburn and start clutching at their chests, it's hilarious. But honestly, how many people drive racecars for a living?

  4. thuyy says:

    Woot! I'm adding your link hopefully by the end of tomorrow(:

    Oh…because my layout only works if you're using IE…and I was just wondering. πŸ˜€ So you're right now using Firefox or something?

  5. AnneMarie says:

    Lol, that's so true about infomercials, that's why I hate them.

    Cools, you're a dancer? That's awesome! It is really sad that he's died…. I'm still in shock because he's made such a huge impact in everyone's life. I always pictured him dying when I was in my 30's or something, not even close yet.

    I'd be interested in being affiliates if you filled out the form I have on my site. ^^ I like to keep that part of my site a bit professional. So if you don't mind, could you fill out the application? ^^

  6. thuyy says:

    LOL I have never seen the commercials you mentioned in this once-again hilarious blog. >.<

    I don't think, I know. Haha, thanks.

    Thank-youu again! xD
    …do you use IE?

    Haa, that was an unexpected question.
    Of course I would! πŸ˜€

  7. Bre says:

    of course we can exchange links — i just got you up already. :] yaaa.

    thanks for thinking i'm more graceful than the soldier boy, whoever that is. i was never really into that song so pshhht to him!

  8. Sean says:

    You stole the words right out of my mouth honey. haha. My favorite has always been the Herpes ones too. So funny. I love you. I really have nothing left to say other than that. I have ran out of words…damn you. haha

  9. Aimee says:

    LMAO! I hate those commericals especially the herpes one. The one that has herpes looks way too happy to have it and the one who doesn't looks like they're thinking "fuck this bitch is nasty!" I hate how they're sexist too, they ALWAYS make the woman have it. What kind of shit is that?!

  10. Lillie says:

    lmfao, side effects πŸ™‚
    Your doctor seems to be a good caretaker *nugdenugde* He'll save you from the medicines :o.
    And give you shots ^^;

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