A Rant of Biblical Proportions – Justin Hanks

A Rant of Biblical Proportions

Justin Hanks

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I know the basics. I know that I should love my neighbors, and I know that I should love my enemies (strangely, these are the same people).

That’s about it. My mother always pressured me to dig deeper into Christianity. She promised it’d scare the hell out of me.

I tried, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Now there’s only one occasion in which I encounter the Bible. And no, it’s not church (that’d be too obvious). I’m talking, of course, about vacations.

I don’t get why in God’s name (ha) they put bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. It’s weird to me. But I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with two conclusions…

#1. Hotel chains are trying to scare us. They’re trying to guilt us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, pillows, televisions, beds, windows, or even employees.

But to be honest, it doesn’t work. I’ve snatched a few accessories. Everyone has (it’s in the official travel guidebook that I haven’t written yet). Besides, most people that check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.

#2. It’s all about the money. Religious organizations are secretly in cahoots with hotels in order to turn a profit. My reasoning is that God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, so they must take up a second job selling bibles or running a motel.

No longer will they accept donations in those smelly, straw hats. Get ready, because soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.

Anyway, regardless of the true motive, the whole thing is still off. It doesn’t seem politically correct. What about the other religious books? Where are the Torahs? or the Qurans? or the official travel guidebooks that I still haven’t written yet?

I suppose there are bigger issues in the world. I mean, for the past century, the United States has been busy trying to solve grand-scale religious conflicts. With separation of church and state and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.

112 Responses

  1. Sean says:

    Well…seeing as though everyone really wants to read your Official Travel Guidebook…. you and I need to start going on trips a LOT more for product research. Yes? YES!

    I like this post. Its something I have always wondered about. Once the names change to Saint Hyatt and Our Lady Hilton, etc….what would the cheap Motels be called? Just wondering. Would they be like the southern Baptist of the bunch?

  2. Mom says:

    We're having tacos tonight!

  3. Dontravious says:

    well I never been to a hotel room and yeah everyone know when someone check into a hotel room they're not only staying there they're rocking the bed lol

  4. thuyy says:

    LOL I have too wondered about those bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms…but then I'd forget all about them and do other stuff. XD
    Only you would write a blog about bibles being in the drawers of hotel rooms, Justin! haha. ><
    You better write an official travel guidebook! It'd be so hilarious. XD

  5. Sage says:

    It's funny, I've often wondered the same thing. The only thing that I could come up with was that a lot of the time, people check into hotels to escape from home and relax (believe it or not). I have done this in the past to get away from home. What better way to get people to read the Bible than to get them to read it when they're the most relaxed? At least, that's my theory anyway. You theories are very valid though, especially the guilt theory lol

  6. Jhase says:

    Well I don't think I ever paid attention to the fact that there was a bible in the night stand. Mostly because I overlook such tedious things that hold no importance to me when I'm about to watch some….moving on, um but you're right. It doesn't hold a point and seems, to me, to degrade the value of religion even more so that it already is.

    Not a religious person myself, but the bible in a night stand just seems rude.

    Now about this Official Travel Guidebook…Will there be pictures?

  7. Nnie says:

    haha I always find bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. In my country, we can find Qurans there too, near the Bibles πŸ™‚

  8. Vincent says:

    Lol I totally agree with you. To be honest I think I'd have to go with your first conclusion. Your an amazing writer, you should totally come up with a Justin's Official Travel Guidebook.

  9. Vincent says:


    sorry had to do that (:
    I vill now read your blog

  10. Kayee says:

    Thanks for your comment πŸ˜€
    OMG I would love to be affies with you!! Haha. Your site is so cool! I LOVE the site name as well πŸ˜‰ Very unique and made me lol πŸ˜›

    LOL @ your blog post xD I would love to read your "Official Travel Guidebook". Hehe. I never lived in a hotel when I'm on holiday I stay round my relatives house for some weird reason I go on holiday everytime xD

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