Whine about the Swine – Justin Hanks

Whine about the Swine

Justin Hanks
3 Shares

I’ve always wanted to attend a pig catching competition. It’d be fun to watch idiots chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for money. After watching a few YouTube clips, I’ve learned that catching swine is nearly impossible. But with that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?

The H1N1 virus is spreading fear throughout the United States. According to CNN, my college has the worst outbreak in the Midwest.

Sigh. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool like the discovery of Bigfoot‘s Facebook account or something?

With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our University would be closed or something. But nope. I must still go to class. The school officials have merely quarantined the sick students and distributed hand-sanitizer.

In fear that I might get it, I have some questions…

Will Swine Flu give me the sudden urge to eat bacon and pork chops?

Should I cover myself in oinkment?

Is this snoutbreak a serious hamdemic?

Will this cause the end of the world; Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, etc…?

Will I sneeze by saying achoink?

Will there be a movie about the tragedies; “Swinedler’s List,” “Pig Trouble In Little Mexico,” “Babe: Death In The City,” etc…?

Once infected, can I use this pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.”

There’s so many swine flu jokes going around, it’s like an epidemic or something.

What the hell is Swine Flu anyway? I bet it came from a couple of jealous pigs. I mean, turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… uhh… yeah. I bet pigs wanted to cash in on the trend and bring home some extra bacon.

Damn those attention-boars.

Those pigs really piss me off. I used to trust them. I even had a piggy bank. First they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me! Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were warning us!

Help! I’m living in fear. I don’t think I’ll survive the Swine Flu! Well, maybe when pigs fly.

72 Responses

  1. Ben says:

    Omg I hope for your sake they close the university/collage. :S

  2. Lee says:

    I love your blogs! >o< The pun is so INTRIGUING.
    I like pigs, especially the fluffy ones. I really want a fluffy pig.
    Go to your college with a sign that says "if you touch me, you like me!"
    That seems to work at my school. XD
    YOU'VE GOT FINE FLU!!

    Thanks! I've always liked your layout, it's so cute.

    They did. D: One teaches English (my original teacher for that session) and the other just roams around and butts into everything.

    Yes, it was. 😛 I'm going to print it out and trade it in for a medallion! X)

  3. Cozza says:

    Haha omg man, your blogs are always so interesting to read! (Your vids are always amusing to watch too haha – gay dumbledore, that just makes me rofl every time)

    Holy shit, 110 identified cases of swine flu at your university? Omg that's shocking D: You best be careful Justin !

    LOL FINE FLU. Omg haha hilarious. You come up with such funny random shit, it's awesome (H)

    Yeah, everyone these days responds to those sick/injured with something about swine flu, it's getting ridiculous now haha. XD

  4. chrys says:

    Nope, but I have tried to catch a sheep and goddamn that's hard!!! Hahaha. I don't know why I tried… I was in Scotland… they were everywhere… and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Funny too 🙂

    HAHAHHAHA. Hamdemic. I serioiusly don't know how you come up with this stuff, it's brilliant. I'm thinking Radio Show? Tv Show? BOTH!!!?!?!

    "Crabs had.. uhh… yeah" LOL!!

    I used to have a piggy bank too!! Then I decided I had to open it and I thought there was going to be SO much money in there… it was about HKD$20… which will get you a meal at McDonalds. Hahhaa.

  5. Alice says:

    Hey Justin !
    sorry for not keeping updated with you with blog comments etc.
    the site for some reason had this random database error and it kept crashing from time to time.
    it's not that i'm not active Lol 😛
    just checking in since i was mia. for like, a week. 😀

  6. Jhase says:

    Lmao! Justin, must you always make me laugh with your blog post? XD

    That pick up line, I'm so going to use it on some random chick one day.

    But I agree, the Swine Flu epidemic is chaotic. Damn piggy's, just because we enjoyed their savory taste now we can't even eat it without the fear of getting a flu from it.

    Knew I should have listened to PETA, I blame them for not having better promotional tactics!

    That being said, I think I'll take your piggy bank now. -steals-

  7. Chynna says:

    Way to make me chuckle, Justin.
    Haha, I love all the swine jokes. I don't understand why people are going all AGH! I'M GOING TO DIE over the swine thing. Seriously. If you have a cold or something, someone will shout at you "SWINE!" Yeah, nice. Thanks for that.

    x

  8. SEAN... you know says:

    Now….that….was….freaking…..funny! hahaha. I like the pick up line…imma use that all the time now…on you of course. haha. This is my favorite blog you have written. There needs to be more pandemics so you can write more blogs. lmao. I love you!

  9. Nancy says:

    Helloo Justin (: ! I remember hearing about pigs replacing bulls somewhere :O! uhhh. I forgot where x_____o. Oh yes, Japan`s pig rodeo ;D! Hope the oink oink flu goes away D: LOL, the questions are awesome :P. mmm, bbq oinklets. I seriously like the pick up line, LOLOL! I guess pigs became too awesome , that they decided to be rebels D':! enjoy (:

  10. Diamond says:

    Lmao, Justin! XD Now this is a really funny blog hahaha. yeah I guess you're right! Swine flu is leaving people with big headaches whether you're gonna die or not or something. But achoink and stuff? HAHA THATS HILARIOUS! I wonder where you get all this shit from lol. You rock! ^_^

    Lmao, bigfoot! HAHA omg that really makes sense! Money now your life! You have a wild sense of humour!

    I'm wondering when will there be human flu? if it will ever exist which is kinda stupid lol! xD

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My name is Justin, and this website is devoted to my many hobbies. From writing and web development to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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