Whine about the Swine – Justin Hanks

Whine about the Swine

Justin Hanks

I’ve always wanted to attend a pig catching competition. It’d be fun to watch idiots chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for money. After watching a few YouTube clips, I’ve learned that catching swine is nearly impossible. But with that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?

The H1N1 virus is spreading fear throughout the United States. According to CNN, my college has the worst outbreak in the Midwest.

Sigh. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool like the discovery of Bigfoot‘s Facebook account or something?

With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our University would be closed or something. But nope. I must still go to class. The school officials have merely quarantined the sick students and distributed hand-sanitizer.

In fear that I might get it, I have some questions…

Will Swine Flu give me the sudden urge to eat bacon and pork chops?

Should I cover myself in oinkment?

Is this snoutbreak a serious hamdemic?

Will this cause the end of the world; Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, etc…?

Will I sneeze by saying achoink?

Will there be a movie about the tragedies; “Swinedler’s List,” “Pig Trouble In Little Mexico,” “Babe: Death In The City,” etc…?

Once infected, can I use this pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.”

There’s so many swine flu jokes going around, it’s like an epidemic or something.

What the hell is Swine Flu anyway? I bet it came from a couple of jealous pigs. I mean, turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… uhh… yeah. I bet pigs wanted to cash in on the trend and bring home some extra bacon.

Damn those attention-boars.

Those pigs really piss me off. I used to trust them. I even had a piggy bank. First they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me! Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were warning us!

Help! I’m living in fear. I don’t think I’ll survive the Swine Flu! Well, maybe when pigs fly.

72 Responses

  1. Kat says:

    yeah i thought it was really weird too, she could have saved me so much time and hassle by simply telling me instead of making cryptic comments. It wasnt really that obvious because it was the bottom hem of the dress on the inside and I don't really have a habit of turning dresses inside out, i will now though!!

    pig catching competitions?!! hahaha
    LOL at those jokes oh dear lmao

    omg you've had 110 cases???! you should well be sent home or something lol. I've not heard much about swine flu over here now it's dying down a bit i think

  2. Georgina says:

    Haha well it must be universal! XD And yeah, funny that, my stomach did evolve. XD

    HGAH, so many swine flu jokes! My friend actually had it, but she went to the hospital and they removed it from her system. It's a good thing though that hospitals – or most – can deal with it.

    I'm actually not entire sure what it is… I just know that if I feel terrible or sick I should keep a look out. XD

  3. Cecilie says:

    Haha, I think people are taking this swine flu thing a bit too serious. I'm so sick of hearing about it everywhere:P When I started school it was pretty much one of the main things they talked about. Oh well …

  4. chrys says:

    I actually went to the hairdressers today, but then I chickened out and rode my bike home again. I don't know what to do with it so I am scared I'll get something done and then hate it :S

    I could always do that… hahhaa. But then were would be the fun in that? Promises are made to be broken… okay, maybe not. But still. This time I will not break it. You just watch πŸ˜‰

  5. kitty says:

    omg identified cases of swine flu in your uni? i'd shit my pants, really.


  6. Alice says:

    Thanks for commenting! Our teacher said we had the best paparazzi pictures. So I believe we're going to get a good grade. πŸ˜€

    The Swine Flu has placed itself here in Norway too. People who has been in the United States has brought it here. The Health-something has posted posters all around to make people wash their hands all the time and sneeze in their elbow just to be safe.
    But hey, good pick up line! LMAO!

  7. Merii-Beth says:

    LOL !
    well because i'm only in elementary, by english i meant my homeroom/english speaking teacher, since im in a french program.
    so that means that like math and grammar and religion and everything, are stuff we get quizzed on -_-

  8. Amanda says:

    ahahah the pig jokes are funny (: XDD

    hahaha I actually wish there was a Lunch Honors….cause our lunch room is SOOO crowded, we science honors kids who came back from lab [which is half of our lunch period] only got 5 minutes to eat! The line was SOO longgg and I just needed to buy a stinkin' snapple and it took like 15 minutes ! I think I'm gonna bring my own lunch… unless this thing gets more organized !

    awww thanks πŸ˜€

  9. Diamond says:

    Meh. It's alright, I guess! πŸ™‚ Yeah I definitely will! Well I've been giving comments and returning them really well and I guess I'm proud of myself, ha! ^_^ I hope you're doing well too! It IS stressful, Justin! :(! *Hugs*! πŸ™‚

    You and your boyfriend better be careful of the swine flu, there, too! D:

  10. Katie says:

    Seriously?! There's pig catching competitions! Bahaha, ultimate fail there people!

    Yowch! I know that my old school had to be closed down because of the Swine Flu.. But not college (:
    I do know a lot of people who've had it though!

    LMAO! I love the points! I has a piggy bank. Hmph.

    Oh and yes. My brother has plenty names for me. Puddleduck's a new one, but seriously I've not heard him say 'Katie' in years to me.

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