Tales from the Crib – Justin Hanks

Tales from the Crib

Justin Hanks

I frequently stumble across news articles about how children are witnessing too much violence on TV. I’m not here to argue whether this is true or not, but I do think the authors of these articles are hypocrites. I mean, children have always been exposed to traumatizing amounts of violence. Why start caring now?

Exhibit A:
“Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.”

What kind of sicko puts a baby in a tree and leaves him there so that the wind blows it and knocks him down? This death threat has been around since 1765. Censorship-concerned moms are happily singing it to their young ones with huge smiles on their faces.

I mean, close your eyes and actually try to picture what it’s saying. Personally, I imagine Jigsaw from the Saw movies eagerly waiting for his deathtrap’s bough to break. In the background, Rob Zombie is singing “Let the Babies Hit the Floor.”

What the hell did the baby ever do, anyway? It’s not like he deserved this horrible treatment. What crimes can a person commit at five months? Pooping in a diaper isn’t frowned upon until you’re at least thirty.

And did you know that “Rock-A-Bye Baby” is said to be one of the first poems ever written on American soil? Well jeez. That was a promising start for this country…

Back to the point: Long before TV shows and video games were scarring children, we had Mother Goose, or as I like to call her; Murderer Goose.

Murderer Goose also told us the delightful tale of “Jack and Jill.” You know, the one where Jack severely injures his head and Jill spasms uncontrollably while plummeting to her death.

“Humpty Dumpty” is similarly delectable (perhaps a poor choice of words?) The main character, your hero, falls off a wall and has his innards splatter all over the King’s men. No little kid should be subjected to this. The pain sounds eggcruciating.

There’s so much horrible violence being spooned to infants. Wouldn’t it be funny if parents had to lawfully announce a disclaimer to them? “Hansel and Gretel: Rated C for Cannibalism.”

All joking aside, it looks like violence has been a part of children’s lives for quite some time now. Television, ironically, might be the only opportunity for kids to see any happiness at all.

117 Responses

  1. Catherine says:

    Lmao, now that I think about it, kids have always been exposed to violence.

    I think it's silly to just blame everything on TV shows – kids have ALWAYS, even if you don't count nursery ryhmes, been exposed to violence. I think people just try to use that as an excuse.

    Although, it's not good to take your baby to see like… Saw or something o.o lol.

  2. Beckee says:

    I want to do it for 30 days at least and every other day when I start classes. It's a good stress reliever I've heard and any stress reliever is a good thing in my book, especially since I want to do really well this semester. I have to push procrastination out the window – might be hard at first tho lol

  3. Beckee says:

    LOL Thank you! It's pretty lonely right now haha I'm actually pretty sore right now – I've been working out after months of making excuses not to – and what better time to start than 1/1/10 right? lol

  4. Tiffany says:

    haha I didn't touch up any of those photos, so the colours are as it is. The water probably isn't all that clean though because it's China. XD But at least it's in the countryside so there would be less pollution x)

    haha I don't actually put legos in my ears…it's the outside that looks like legos, it works as normal headphones πŸ˜›

    ha, you have a VERY valid point! Children are just too naive and young to realise what people are singing to them, and even so they don't understand how wrong it is.
    I'll add another violent children rhyme: Ring Around a Rosy – this was about the bubonic plague spreading! XD

  5. Vanessa says:

    People are always complaing about violence on tv. The news is even violent but you don’t hear people talking about that..

    loved the eggcruciating part lol

  6. Joanna says:

    OMG, I just noticed that about Rock-a-bye baby. That is the very creepy. Note to self, never sing that to future child.

    Your right, children have been exposed to violence for so many years. They always seem to put subliminal messages in things. I also agree how they're hypocritical doodieheads.

    I love reading your blogs, there always entertaining and never boring. Eggcruciating. Nice XD

  7. Manda says:

    Good points, I love it!! Hey justin, long time no talk. I hope you are doing well (= The nursery rhymes made me think of the "Ring around the roses" song. It is talking about smallpox from what I heard and how the ring was the smallpox and the "Ashes ashes we all fall down" is referring to how they used to burn the bodies of the smallpox victims. It is crazy how twisted some of these rhymes we sing to our kids. I remember singing these when I was young and not really knowing the hidden meaning.

  8. Lol. πŸ™‚

    You know I posted a similar blog to this once upon a time when I was still using cutenews back in the dizay. Except I only focused on Rockabye Baby.

    You're a funny man Mr. Justin.

  9. Jhase says:

    Oh Justin, you never seem to not make me laugh at your blogs. That was seriously one of the best ones. You're right though, babies were always exposed to violence. I just never thought of it like that. I mean wow, you just made me think about a lot.

    Though I still like Murder Goose, I mean come on, she dropped them. That's fookin professional hard work right there!

    I just don't get why parents whine about television, and then turn right around and take their kids to see a violent movie. If you're five months, why are you in a theater where stuff is blowing up and boobs are flaunting the tv screen?

    Sounds to me like the parents are the issue, not the television.

    Another wonderful blog man, I totally laughed it up at "Hansel and Gretel: Rated C for Cannibalism." Genius mind.

  10. Beckee says:

    That rock-a-bye baby song is really creepy now that I think about it haha I never really had known what the lyrics were but now that I do, someone really sick wrote that lol

    I had never really thought about any of this – you make good points! And kudos on the "eggcruciating" LOL πŸ™‚

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