The End is in Sight – Justin Hanks

The End is in Sight

Justin Hanks

I’m freaking out right now. I can barely breathe. With 2010 upon us, there is a major cause for concern.

No, I’m not talking about Doomsday predictions, terrorist attacks, or even global warming. This is worse. So what is it, you ask? Death. Well, at least death to the companies that produce novelty New Year’s glasses.

For the past decade, the two zeros in the middle of the year have given eyewear designers the perfect opportunity to make a “clever” accessory. Anybody who’s anybody had to have one of these at their New Year’s festivities. Or find someone to make out with.

The novelty glasses model was almost thwarted in 2010, but fortunately, production could go on by shifting the glasses to the right. The weight distribution was a tad uneven, but since most people celebrate by getting drunk and falling over, it somehow balanced out.

But now that 2011 is approaching, there’s only one zero. What the hell are they gonna do?

If you’ve ever watched coverage of New Year’s Eve at New York, you’ll notice that these glasses sell like hotcakes. They also save the city a buttload of money; these spectacles keep New Yorkers too distracted to realize that their city is the only one that doesn’t celebrate with expensive fireworks. Instead, for some obviously budget-related reason, they just watch a ball drop (and who really wants to watch puberty?)

The lack of party glasses will cause cities to fail and companies to go bankrupt. Soon, the whole world will be in an (even bigger) economic mess. The Mayans tried to warn us. If I recall correctly, there’s a part in the calendar that read, “That peepee Justin guy will try to tell them. Let him be your leader.”

Maybe we can come up with some alternative 2011 designs before it’s too late.

Hmm. At least the year still has one zero in it. That’s enough to satisfy the cyclops and pirates. But damn… that’s only 40% of the population.

Perhaps we can do what they did in the 18th century? You know, back when everyone wore New Year’s monocles.

Wait. Scrap that. I’ve got the perfect idea. Let’s compromise the witty design but give the glasses a purpose; we could make them sunglasses. And then we could emphasize the whole be-a-hip-celebrity aspect.

[Side note: a celebrity is someone who works hard all his or her life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Where’s the logic in that?]

Or maybe we could advertise that the glasses provide protection? You know the saying; never hit a man with glasses.

Besides, it makes more sense to hit him with a baseball bat. Zing.

But I digress. The clock is ticking. We’re doomed. Does anyone else have any lens-crafty ideas?

70 Responses

  1. Debbie Hanks says:

    I am just cutting one of the one's in half, so it will be a mini one….I think that will help. My glasses will still say 2011, but I won't run into things as much.

  2. Debbie Hanks says:

    Great blog, Justin!! Oh, by the way, I overslept today so I am getting your phone things shortly. Sorry. I will message you on facebook when I get them. Love, Mom P.S. I love what you've done with your website!!

  3. nancy says:

    Nice post! I`m beginning to think about the new years glasses the same way… Though, what one of my lameo ideas are is to make the 0 in 2011 like all wide& stuff so both of your eyes can see through them. But then that`s deformed. There`s no reason to wear sunglasses! It`s too dark B) But I still wear sunglasses in the dark sometimes.

    I wore uniforms in my middle school years :<. I hated it. To the max. :'( From what I heard, it`s just going to be a black polo shirt with our slc (small learning community) logo embedded on it. &anything as bottoms. So much for a public school!!!

  4. Jackie says:

    Hahaha your blogs always make me laugh! By the way I love the new layout, seems so SPACIOUS. I think that's the word I mean..

  5. Joanna says:

    I have never thought about what there gonna do for 2011. I agree with you, this is a problem!

    They are gonna be wasting a lot of money on fireworks. Unfortunately, I can't think of any ideas at the moment.

    Monocles, hehe XD

  6. TJ says:

    Lmfao, i think only you would think about these stuff πŸ™‚ haha, anyway maybe they will just make the One BIG AND FAT πŸ™‚ haha, nah idk but yea new york prob makes like a lot of money off the plastic glasses, now that i think of it πŸ™‚

    and with my site, mhm idk what was going on lol

  7. Gel says:

    Haha come to think of it, it never really crossed my mind as to how they'll be coming up with 2011 new year shades! That's rather interesting hahaha. Hope they'll come up with a decent design soon. Clock's ticking!

  8. Becca says:

    No idea how they are going to compensate for that one! What did they do in 1977?!
    Along the same lines, I don't like to watch fireworks so much. I'm not saying a ball drop is any better, but fireworks just don't do it for me. Parades on the other hand…

  9. Jhase says:


    Well no, its not genius, but its an idea design.

    See they could take the glasses, put ones on the side of the frames, and then the circles to see out of and then in the middle put "2011" AND THEN ON A FRAME PUT "SPARKLE, DARN YOU!"

    Mhm, creative genius.


    I'm going to stop typing now..

  10. Brian says:

    As long as we keep the pirates happy our booties are safe!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


My name is , and this website is devoted to my many hobbies. From writing and web development to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.


Stay In Touch

Enjoy what you saw? You can follow me on social media if you feel like it. You can also stuff mashed potatoes up your nose if you feel like it.
© Copyright 2012 - 2017 , All Rights Reserved.