The End is in Sight – Justin Hanks

The End is in Sight

Justin Hanks
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I’m freaking out right now. I can barely breathe. With 2010 upon us, there is a major cause for concern.

No, I’m not talking about Doomsday predictions, terrorist attacks, or even global warming. This is worse. So what is it, you ask? Death. Well, at least death to the companies that produce novelty New Year’s glasses.

For the past decade, the two zeros in the middle of the year have given eyewear designers the perfect opportunity to make a “clever” accessory. Anybody who’s anybody had to have one of these at their New Year’s festivities. Or find someone to make out with.

The novelty glasses model was almost thwarted in 2010, but fortunately, production could go on by shifting the glasses to the right. The weight distribution was a tad uneven, but since most people celebrate by getting drunk and falling over, it somehow balanced out.

But now that 2011 is approaching, there’s only one zero. What the hell are they gonna do?

If you’ve ever watched coverage of New Year’s Eve at New York, you’ll notice that these glasses sell like hotcakes. They also save the city a buttload of money; these spectacles keep New Yorkers too distracted to realize that their city is the only one that doesn’t celebrate with expensive fireworks. Instead, for some obviously budget-related reason, they just watch a ball drop (and who really wants to watch puberty?)

The lack of party glasses will cause cities to fail and companies to go bankrupt. Soon, the whole world will be in an (even bigger) economic mess. The Mayans tried to warn us. If I recall correctly, there’s a part in the calendar that read, “That peepee Justin guy will try to tell them. Let him be your leader.”

Maybe we can come up with some alternative 2011 designs before it’s too late.

Hmm. At least the year still has one zero in it. That’s enough to satisfy the cyclops and pirates. But damn… that’s only 40% of the population.

Perhaps we can do what they did in the 18th century? You know, back when everyone wore New Year’s monocles.

Wait. Scrap that. I’ve got the perfect idea. Let’s compromise the witty design but give the glasses a purpose; we could make them sunglasses. And then we could emphasize the whole be-a-hip-celebrity aspect.

[Side note: a celebrity is someone who works hard all his or her life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Where’s the logic in that?]

Or maybe we could advertise that the glasses provide protection? You know the saying; never hit a man with glasses.

Besides, it makes more sense to hit him with a baseball bat. Zing.

But I digress. The clock is ticking. We’re doomed. Does anyone else have any lens-crafty ideas?

70 Responses

  1. Brian says:

    As long as we keep the pirates happy our booties are safe!

  2. Jhase says:

    I HAVE A GENIUS IDEA!!!!

    Well no, its not genius, but its an idea design.

    See they could take the glasses, put ones on the side of the frames, and then the circles to see out of and then in the middle put "2011" AND THEN ON A FRAME PUT "SPARKLE, DARN YOU!"

    Mhm, creative genius.

    Yup…

    I'm going to stop typing now..

  3. Becca says:

    No idea how they are going to compensate for that one! What did they do in 1977?!
    Along the same lines, I don't like to watch fireworks so much. I'm not saying a ball drop is any better, but fireworks just don't do it for me. Parades on the other hand…

  4. Gel says:

    Haha come to think of it, it never really crossed my mind as to how they'll be coming up with 2011 new year shades! That's rather interesting hahaha. Hope they'll come up with a decent design soon. Clock's ticking!

  5. TJ says:

    Lmfao, i think only you would think about these stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ haha, anyway maybe they will just make the One BIG AND FAT ๐Ÿ™‚ haha, nah idk but yea new york prob makes like a lot of money off the plastic glasses, now that i think of it ๐Ÿ™‚

    and with my site, mhm idk what was going on lol

  6. Joanna says:

    I have never thought about what there gonna do for 2011. I agree with you, this is a problem!

    They are gonna be wasting a lot of money on fireworks. Unfortunately, I can't think of any ideas at the moment.

    Monocles, hehe XD

  7. Jackie says:

    Hahaha your blogs always make me laugh! By the way I love the new layout, seems so SPACIOUS. I think that's the word I mean..

  8. nancy says:

    Nice post! I`m beginning to think about the new years glasses the same way… Though, what one of my lameo ideas are is to make the 0 in 2011 like all wide& stuff so both of your eyes can see through them. But then that`s deformed. There`s no reason to wear sunglasses! It`s too dark B) But I still wear sunglasses in the dark sometimes.

    I wore uniforms in my middle school years :<. I hated it. To the max. :'( From what I heard, it`s just going to be a black polo shirt with our slc (small learning community) logo embedded on it. &anything as bottoms. So much for a public school!!!

  9. Debbie Hanks says:

    Great blog, Justin!! Oh, by the way, I overslept today so I am getting your phone things shortly. Sorry. I will message you on facebook when I get them. Love, Mom P.S. I love what you've done with your website!!

  10. Debbie Hanks says:

    I am just cutting one of the one's in half, so it will be a mini one….I think that will help. My glasses will still say 2011, but I won't run into things as much.

  11. nancy says:

    I love red shirts! Though I don`t really like to wear black shirts… Unless it`s for a special occasion :O! Like my decorated black shirts :D! How`s 2010 treating you?

  12. Julia says:

    Nah, I don't know how to make my own layouts *tear* Thanks for the good luck! Anyways, yeah, but managing 2 isn't so bad.

    LOL, this blog is hilarious! "That peepee Justin guy will try to tell them. Let him be your leader." I didn't know you and the Mayans are close friends!

    Yeah.. yeah, I've never thought about that! 2011.. Then we should ask more people to become pirates so 2011 glasses would be a fad. If that's grammatically correct. Which I feel isn't.

    Lens-crafty ideas? Sorry, I got none.

  13. Esme says:

    Haha I'm sure companies will find ways to make 2011 glasses, don't you worry! Or they're just gonna make like a one-eyed sunglasses or something!

  14. Julia says:

    Look at the footer

  15. I must say I really enjoyed reading this blog, kind of made my day.
    Thank you.

    Lyric (my puppy) hasn't bitten any one yet, well what he calls a bite is just opening his mouth and putting your hand in it. Not even a bite, but it's rather cute.

    Thank you, I was so excited to have won the trade. It was either myself or another and thankfully I got the last bid in before the last minute. (:

  16. Julia says:

    Yeah, cool themes

  17. Emilka says:

    omgah, we will have to wait till 2020 for next glasses! ๐Ÿ™ haha, kidding, I've never had those glases ๐Ÿ˜›

  18. Holly says:

    Hehe poopy snow! That's all gone now ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you, I'm glad you like my photo. I'm not very good at photography but I'm going to do a qualification in it next year when I go to college. Well that's if I get into college! But I have an A already so hopefully I might get it ๐Ÿ˜€

  19. Isi says:

    That totally did make me feel better. ๐Ÿ˜€
    Thank you sooooooooo much. ๐Ÿ˜€

    When this year started a lot people wore those. I would never spend valuable money on something like that lol.

  20. Asmiya says:

    Unfortunately the same isn't with me. My mother hates it when I talk to boys. XD

    I have no idea what they;re going to do in 2011. Everyone could dress up like pirates, I guess. XD

  21. Pauline says:

    I loved Reading this blog, lol. I literally thought something really bad was going to happen lmfao. But it ended up being that haha. I love it!

    Hopefully they make summit cool haha

  22. Car says:

    Yeah, it was pretty painful. Apparently the dentist had another man come in with symptoms that came after forty years!

    Ahahaa maybe they'll just have to scrap tacky glasses in 2011? Or they could make the one remaining 'o' into an oval, so both eyes can see through? Gah! I don't know!

  23. Simone says:

    Wow, I never realized until I read you blog that in New York, they don't shoot fireworks to welcome the new year like in other countries, we just watch the ball drop. (lol at the puberty thing)

    I watched this year and they were on there talking about the glasses. Now you got me thinking, what are they going to do about 2011. Hmmm, was the whole glasses thing going on in the 90's…if so what did they do then. Gosh, you brought up such good points but I seriously thought you were going to talk about the world ending or something.

    This year is something else. Right now it's not treating me so good. How about you?

  24. nancy says:

    >:O! canceled concert?! So not cool ):!

  25. Chynna says:

    I feel your pain, my friend. I used your blog as a starter topic in Media the other day. My teacher found it amusing that I took this seriously. I like those glasses – what will happen in 2011 D: M'eh.

  26. Jenn says:

    LOL I've seriously never, ever seen those. But, that does make sense. How the hell are they gonna make glasses with one zero?? Gah.

    Haha yeah, lots of people have seen those sites. No problem. ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I changed my URL to http://brokendesire.org ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Paige says:

    Haha I was in Computer Concepts. My teacher only gave us one assignment that took about 15 minutes, & then he left the room for a long time to help film something in the next class.

    My parents just expect all A's from me. However, they don't from my brother. Stupid double standards.

    Lol, I was wondering what they were going to do about the glasses too.

  28. Nancy says:

    I would so like to see the gaga inspired outfits! I love her fashion, it shows a lot of self confidence within her :D!

  29. Katie says:

    I immediately though of them doing 2011 with just the one 0 covering the whole eye-span like skiing goggles.

    but yea snow over here definitely makes it crazy here. everything becomes a complete stand still. thankfully with all the rain & fog & whatnot on Friday it finally lifted and went away. It's now odd to see green grass.

  30. Shannon says:

    Hehe, your blog made me giggle. It was quite humorous!
    But, now that you've mentioned it, I'm going to be stuck on this concept! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO BE DOING FOR 2011 GLASSES!? (Or NOT glasses, seeing as there's only one eye hole?)

    Thanks for the birthday wish! (:

  31. nancy says:

    oooh! I remember the mickey outfit! Good luck ;D! That`s down B)

  32. Allie says:

    JUSTIN I HATE YOUR COMMENT THINGY. I wrote this comment, but it got deleted because I typed in the captcha incorrectly. -.- So, this is just basically what I said:

    They could just make the "11" a bit wider/bigger, so we can look through that, and the 20 can just be off to the side. XD

  33. Tiffany says:

    I actually think those glasses are pretty awesome LOL.I wonder what they'll come up with for 2011 ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Maybe they'd just have '2011' flashing on the lenses. Though it would be a little difficult to see through the glasses ๐Ÿ˜›

  34. Janice says:

    LOL this blog is quite funny but true. I have never thought about those glasses company before xD I think they should make another design before 2011 comes haha. Or they can bend the 1s a bit so it fits the glass ๐Ÿ˜› Haha it won't look really good though.

  35. Alice says:

    Ewww. Your friends make you choose? D: What kind of friends are these?! Haha xDD

    Hmm. I say that maybe they should curve the 1's in the eleven a little bit…so they can sort of make like, a half-glasses lens…or something o__O

  36. Deanna says:

    I'm surprised that you are able to think up interesting topics like this to talk about. I never would have thought about those glasses. But you are completely right. They are going to be screwed when 2011 shows up. I have no idea how to fix this problem.

  37. nancy says:

    Haha, it depends on you ๐Ÿ˜‰ 8gb!! Is a lot :P. I only got the 4gig because that my 2gb one somehow got formatted into a 1gb. ๐Ÿ™ Drums are hard in general :(. I`m only somewhat good at it because I always try to imitate the songs that our drumline plays ;). I`m predicting some flood since the rain is a week long ):<!!!!

  38. Holly says:

    Fail. I just typed a whole comment, and forgot to put the anti-spam code in…and it got erased.

    Anyways, Yeah, JT died, but he really had to go to collage, i think, so they had to cut him off the show. But he didn't look that old. But who knows. LOL.

    Thank you! The paper had to be about a place in the world. I choose Italy. ๐Ÿ™‚ It's pretty interesting.

    OHEMGEE! I never thought about it. What are they going to do? That would be a good idea for a contest. See who could come up with the best design. ๐Ÿ™‚ Haha.

  39. Kaela says:

    I know, I seriously think Mother Nature is getting high somewhere, y'know, something fishy is going on..

    Oh, um thanks for laughing at me. xP
    Haha, thanks, yeah I guess I am.

    Lmao, ๐Ÿ˜› How do you think up all these funny interesting topics? I swear, you have time on your hands to be able to think up this stuff.

    Haha, I dunno what will happy. I think it will become an eyepatch. Like you see pirates where, and then those 1's will blind the other eye. ๐Ÿ˜›

  40. Kathy says:

    Nah I'm not going to have a party, but I'll save you a piece. :3 I saw the cake already! Its covered with color on the outside, then in the inside its just regular chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream. ๐Ÿ˜€ Yumm!

    Haha omg, in my blog I was talking about that they won't have those glasses anymore cause no two 0's next to each other. ๐Ÿ˜› But it looks like they found a way. I think its kind of funny how it looks. ๐Ÿ˜›

  41. Adam says:

    Sweet site, man. Glad to see others out there. Let me know if you want to trade!

  42. nancy says:

    That would be so cool, swimming the rain water playing the quad drums ๐Ÿ˜‰ Gives me an idea for one of my random doodle comics ๐Ÿ˜€

  43. LOL! Your posts are so hilarious!

    Ball dropping = puberty! I'll have to use that for this New Year's Eve/Day!

  44. Bonnie says:

    AHAHA THATS TRUE !
    they should design some sick shades liek the ones that lady gaga wears ๐Ÿ™‚

  45. Georgina says:

    Well I haven't seen puberty. That is, I have not seen the ball drop… I ought to go to America some time. Big deal about the glasses though – there's nothing like that in Australia. I heard that they just put a circle behind the "1". Whatever, still looks funny. ๐Ÿ˜›

  46. Tiara Lynn. says:

    I don't remember ever having these kind of glasses. I am not really sure, but lol I wonder how are they gonna do it next with as-well 2011 – they'd probably use the 0 and the 1()1. LMFAO

  47. Olivia says:

    Wow. You really must have spare time on your hands to think up all of this stuff xD

    Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what you could do.. maybe they could be groovy glasses for people blind in one eye?

  48. nancy says:

    I love doodling! Well, I`m usually not creative when I have free time :(. Therefore, I doodle during class whenever I`m finished with my classwork :D! Which is, most of 2nd, 3rd, 4th& 6th :D. I blame the lack of honors classes this year ๐Ÿ™ But it`s all good :D! I do have a hobby of amateur painting& drawing. ๐Ÿ˜€

  49. nancy says:

    Thank you :D! That was the first one I drew :P. Which was last week :O! Now I have like series of those pages ;P. Babycakes is the name of his trumpet ;P. I think, I named my clarinet babycakes too since I`m never satisfied with one general name :O

  50. Zach says:

    Haha. It's not really a tradition, more like something that just happened!

    I don't think you should worry. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. At least that's how I look at it.

  51. Stepherz says:

    I really REALLY like the idea of new years monocles. I think we'll be fine with only one 0 for glasses. Seeing out of both eyes is totally last millennium. If anyone can make this popular, it'll be Lady Gaga!

  52. nancy says:

    It`s coolios about the questions ๐Ÿ˜€ I don`t mind. I`m not sure about him, but I named mine babycakes afterwards because it attracts me. ๐Ÿ˜€ So far, I`ve drawn 10 pieces to this. Not all of them are related ;P. Some of them are based on what happened, &all of them are real peoples ;D

  53. Sean says:

    LMAO wow, that's funny. Maybe it will be a monacle with 2 and 11 on each side.

  54. Fia says:

    Hahahaha! LOL, pretty weird topic you have here.. all for the name of glasses. LMAO :)))

    I'm okay Justin. ๐Ÿ™‚ How about you? I've just been a bit busy. I wish I can come up with blog entries like yours from time to time. Sigh.

  55. Mallory says:

    LMAO! This reminds me EXACTLY of something that's write, hahaha … Gosh, way too much hilarity in one entry.

    I love blogs that make me laugh!

    As for the actual problem about the eyewear, don't despair — Lots of other people have been wondering, as well:

    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=+site:answers.yahoo.com+2011+
    glasses&ei=watYS_OAJpDM8QbIx4HOAw&sa=X&oi=fo
    rum_cluster&resnum=1&ct=more-results&ved=0CA
    4QrQIwAA

    http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=575700

    http://twitter.com/hokorii/status/7263418058

    The only remaining problem is that all of their ideas suck dick.

    Thankfully, I've never worn a pair of New Year's glasses in my life, so this doesn't affect me personally, and thus all is well in Mallory Land. ^_^

  56. Mallory says:

    PPS: Er, in my first comment, I meant to say; 'This reminds me EXACTLY of something that I'd write,' as opposed to whatever the fuck that other shit was.

  57. Angelica says:

    OMG you're right we ARE doomed! Unfortunately I don't have a solution to this overwhelmingly terrifying problem. I'll take refuge to my secret lab to contemplate this problem at once!

    Love your new layout by the way. It's really good.

  58. nancy says:

    I love my random doodles :). My friends help me lotttt. With them ideas :D! But it`s too easy drawing Ronald (the dude in my pictures) because I`m too used into drawing him :D. ๐Ÿ™‚

  59. hobo bag says:

    That's so funny, I like it.

  60. Usman says:

    you are right,i m tired of terrorist attacks in my country,and there is a lot of global warming and world is gona end soon
    as far as i think

  61. nancy says:

    Haha, not at all. Ronald is the guy to go to for dude advices ;).

  62. Anna says:

    I hate to say it but you're right! What will we do without those glasses?! We're doomed!

    Well, you must go to The Magic Kingdom, and you have to go on Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad, and Splash Mountain. There are so many other good rides too. Also make your way over to Hollywood Studios and ride Rockin' Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror. So fun!

    I went for my school chorus. We did a 2 and a half hour workshop. ๐Ÿ™‚

  63. Kendra says:

    Justin I have blogged again… and it is all thanks to you.

    Again though, I am pissing myself at your blog. You are such a dork, and I love it.

    I was kind of thinking that the 1 in 2010 could act as a nose between the glasses though.

  64. Alex says:

    When I saw those glasses with the 1's in the middle kind of raised to still have the 0's be the lenses, I actually laughed out loud. They are so awful looking. For next year, they will probably make one of the 1's really large and have a lens in it, but still…they need a new novelty for the new year. Like a hat or something. That's an innovative concept ๐Ÿ™‚

  65. Ayelen says:

    HAHAHAHA. Hopefully, where I live, these aren't popular.
    Really. I can't imagine those glasses with a 1 in the middle xDD They looked better in 2009.
    This blog made me laugh a lot. LOL

    At least they won't have to think about 2013 glasses. The world will be over ๐Ÿ˜›

  66. Leanne says:

    So far, alot of things have happened in 2010. D:

    I really don't get why people wear those glasses, they look really weird. I wonder what they're going to do next year. Might be a bit hard though. :/

  67. Pocci says:

    xD I argue a lot but give up knowing that the other person are stubborn and will never change their mind. xP

    LMAO. This blog is hilarious. I have never heard of these glasses before. :S I think I might be living under a rock or something :s Monocles don't sound like a bad idea but 2 and 11 will be weirdly placed. Poor companies. ๐Ÿ™

  68. Carly says:

    :O You're totally right! What will happen, ho hum. The 2010 ones don't look nearly as cool D: You've actually started to worry me Justin D:

    LOLOLOL! Everyone wants to watch puberty, of course ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Hell ya, we should have listened to the Mayans the whole time ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Thanks for the birthday wishes!

    And of course I knew lol, I have a dirty mind, so I instantly caught on hahaha ๐Ÿ˜›

  69. jayme ford says:

    they could make the zero one O and the other one a square and the 11 will be both sides ๐Ÿ™‚ —-2O–1_1—-

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My name is Justin, and this website is devoted to my many hobbies. From writing and web development to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I havenโ€™t been myself ever since I was born.

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