Word to your Puppy – Justin Hanks

Word to your Puppy

Justin Hanks

Rap music is dead. I used to love it, but the songs that come out these days sound like kittens dying of strangulation. The lyrics are blatantly uninspired, the vocals mimic malfunctioning robots, and the rhymes could be topped by five-year old children.

But none of this trumps the bizarre background noises. To some rappers, a song isn’t a song unless it has at least fifty “yeahs” and “whats.” I swear, I was listening to a rap song the other day, and the “singer” was barking.

This is a problem. Why the hell do rappers bark in their music? It’s so awkward. Do they think they’re dogs?

I wouldn’t be surprised. You never know who might be having an identity crisis with names such as Snoop Doggy Dog and Lil’ Bow Wow.

Come to think of it, there is a strong correlation between dogs and dawgs. They both wear huge chains (for us to walk them). And since they refer to females as bitches, perhaps the barking is part of a mating call.

In my psychology class, I learned that aggressive behavior, such as barking, is motivated by a challenge for social status in a pack. Perhaps these rappers have insecurities and want us to feel sympathy for them.

They probably want to give off the impression that they’re smarter and more talented than they truly are… Or maybe I’m giving them too much credit, and they simply want to look like jackasses.

Some of these gangstas are definitely unstable, but we shouldn’t reward their pathetic yipping and buy their albums. It’s creepy. I feel uneasy knowing that man’s best friend is Lil’ Jon.

Besides, it’s pretty sad when you strive to be a dog. Dogs are stupid. Almost every other animal has more intelligence. Look at cats… There’s no way you could ever trick eight cats to pull a sled through the freezing snow.

Dogs are idiots. If I ever came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you think?

I suppose there are some pros to acting like a dog. Mutts are, potentially, a good influence. They’re sweet, friendly, and super cute. And if it weren’t for dogs, some people might never go for a walk.

In conclusion, I’m not really sure what’s going on between rappers and canines. All I know is that the comparison is appropriate. Like dogs, rappers produce a lot of crap.

59 Responses

  1. Lizy says:


  2. Eka says:

    All that was going on in my mind as I read this was DMX. BWAHAHAHAHAA

    I actually like a good chunk of his music, but all those "ARFF ARFF!"s in his songs are just…I don't even know.

    But seriously, today's rap music does suck. We need legit gangsta rappers with mad street cred to make a comeback.

    I'm going to listen to some 2Pac and Public Enemy now~

  3. Regina says:

    I agree for the most part. Although, I'd like to point out that dogs are cuddly, and rappers, with all their chains, are not…although I suppose you COULD take them out for a walk by holding onto their giant chains.

  4. Tiff says:

    What?! Dogs are absolutely intelligent animals. They're also the most loyal & loving pets. Although dolphins are the smartest and then chimpanzees. They did a study that dolphins can understand syntax & chimps can't. Chimps can understand basic commands like, "put the ball through the red ring" but if you tell them, "put the ring through the ball" they'll do the same thing whereas a dolpin will take the ring & slam it against the ball & basically tell you it's not possible! hahaha. so cute. anyway, dogs are intelligent animals & they always curl up to you when you look sad.

    They definitely understand you when you bring out that leash to take them out for a walk! They get all excited. haha I've seen it happen, I don't have a dog. I wishh..

    But anyway back to the point of your blog. I couldn't agree more……I've never liked rap though because it honestly always sounded like crap to me. Lil' Jon loves saying Yeah. That's all he's good at.

    Nevermind Lil' Wayne's robot voice. NO real talent.. especially because they DON'T make their own samples. They just modify samples from old songs. It's really pathetic.

    Once I was in my friend's car & he was playing this one song that had a sample of a very old & very once popular trance song & I got really irritated because they totally ruined it by singing about bitches, strippers, & what not. Plus, you can't rap to effin' techno/trance that you didn't make!! They rapped a lot slower than the beat. How the hell do you rap to a song that wasn't meant for rapping!??! Ugh. Plus, most rappers are really homophobic & that irritates me too. Especially Lil' Wayne. I'm pretty sure that a lot of them, the ones that are homophobic are actually gay but they're afraid to come out of the closet.

  5. Francine says:

    You know, my room used to be decorated with hearts like, EVERYWHERE. Dude, it was like "heart central" in my room for 8 years.

    Now it's more of "flower central". xD But I really like the mod feeling of my room. It makes it feel more organized for some reason. But you wanna know what sucksss? The sticky flowers on my wall keep peeling off and sticking to my hair when I sleep. Then, I end up ripping them out along with twenty hairs attached to them. Yay?

    I've always hated rap music, more of the lyrics than anything. And it reminds me of my dad, which is not something I like to remember. πŸ˜› More and more people have been hatin' on it lately. But, it does have its place in the music society I would say.

  6. Maria says:

    Haha, good analogy, dogs and dawgs. It has merit, kind of like what my mom used to tell me about people who speak loudly because they want to feel important.

    American Rap is dead. But if you can get over the language barrier, I think Asian rap has messages past the I'm Rich And Everyone Wants To Be Me slogan that any crap-for-brains can 'write.' πŸ™‚

  7. April says:

    I barely listen to rap music since they often break my eardrums. I don't know if that's what they call music for them but isn't for me; it's noise. =/

    But there are STILL some whom I enjoy listening rap to.

  8. Sindara says:

    I really don't listen to rap, but when I hear it I want to hurl. I really don't like anything that has lots of profanity. I am a very strong christian, but I do contradict myself when it comes to Eminem. He doesn't bark or at least I never heard him bark. πŸ™‚

  9. Jenny says:

    Yay, you finally posted! I missed reading your insightful yet amsuing entries πŸ™‚
    Lol, rappers to dogs, now there's an analogy that I never thought I'd hear. But now that you mention it, I am starting to see the resemblance, except don't you think that comparing rappers to dogs are actually unfair to the dogs? I mean, when was the last time you saw a cute, cuddly rapper that you just wanted to squeeze and snuggle all night long with? Not me.

  10. Haily says:

    "Dogs look up at us, cats look down on us, but pigs treat us as equals." – Winston Churchill

    Enough said, haha.

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