Rap music is dead. I used to love it, but the songs that come out these days sound like kittens dying of strangulation. The lyrics are blatantly uninspired, the vocals mimic malfunctioning robots, and the rhymes could be topped by five-year old children.
But none of this trumps the bizarre background noises. To some rappers, a song isn’t a song unless it has at least fifty “yeahs” and “whats.” I swear, I was listening to a rap song the other day, and the “singer” was barking.
This is a problem. Why the hell do rappers bark in their music? It’s so awkward. Do they think they’re dogs?
I wouldn’t be surprised. You never know who might be having an identity crisis with names such as Snoop Doggy Dog and Lil’ Bow Wow.
Come to think of it, there is a strong correlation between dogs and dawgs. They both wear huge chains (for us to walk them). And since they refer to females as bitches, perhaps the barking is part of a mating call.
In my psychology class, I learned that aggressive behavior, such as barking, is motivated by a challenge for social status in a pack. Perhaps these rappers have insecurities and want us to feel sympathy for them.
They probably want to give off the impression that they’re smarter and more talented than they truly are… Or maybe I’m giving them too much credit, and they simply want to look like jackasses.
Some of these gangstas are definitely unstable, but we shouldn’t reward their pathetic yipping and buy their albums. It’s creepy. I feel uneasy knowing that man’s best friend is Lil’ Jon.
Besides, it’s pretty sad when you strive to be a dog. Dogs are stupid. Almost every other animal has more intelligence. Look at cats… There’s no way you could ever trick eight cats to pull a sled through the freezing snow.
Dogs are idiots. If I ever came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you think?
I suppose there are some pros to acting like a dog. Mutts are, potentially, a good influence. They’re sweet, friendly, and super cute. And if it weren’t for dogs, some people might never go for a walk.
In conclusion, I’m not really sure what’s going on between rappers and canines. All I know is that the comparison is appropriate. Like dogs, rappers produce a lot of crap.