Pole Dancing for Babies – Justin Hanks

Pole Dancing for Babies

Justin Hanks
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While browsing the Internet, I stumbled across a highly disturbing article about a Canadian company that offers pole dancing lessons to girls nine years of age and under. Blah. I blame Miley Cyrus.

For those who don’t frequent strip clubs, pole dancing is what erotic dancers do in place of just going up on stage, taking off their clothes, and standing there naked. The moves are often suggestive and sexual — and why wouldn’t they be? Men don’t go to strip clubs to sip tea, listen to classical music, and discuss existentialism.

This is absolutely no place for a toddler. The only pole a kid should play with should be inside a set of Lincoln Logs.

In the article, the dance instructors emphasize the benefit of exercise, but come on; these are infants. It’s called “baby fat” for a reason.

And that justification is so faulty. Says one of the fitness instructors; “I challenge anybody who has anything to say about it being a bad thing to get up on the pole and try to pull their legs over their head.” Basically, the man is saying that because it’s challenging, it should be allowed. Well, humping a goat is pretty challenging…

Sadly, most of these young pole dancers are oblivious to what they’re actually doing. They’re too innocent to know the true answer to “Who’s your daddy?”

If parents are going to encourage this activity, they should at least sit down with their kids and say “Hey, this is what strippers do to earn money from Grandpa.”

It’s all so trashy. What’s the next class they’ll offer? Leopard Prints 101? Advanced Street-Corner Poses? My First G-String?

And it’s not like the kids will be any good at it. A lot of these youngins don’t even have hair to twirl.

So what’s the point? Imagine your mother saying, “Keep it up, and there may be a dirty wad of twenties in your future.” If anything, this is all an evil plan to help parents avoid ever paying for a college education.

I crack up thinking about six-year-old boys watching them… dressed in pimps coats, wearing chains around their necks, and waving nickels through the air (little kids don’t have much money). In fact, they’ll probably barter for services with bubble gum and Bratz dolls. Fortunately, the youngest pole dancers — still in diapers — would have a place to store everything.

Personally, I think any young girl interested in pole dancing should be redirected towards gymnastics, where she can eventually compete for something other than dollar bills. But to my dismay, there’s actually a petition to make pole dancing an Olympic Sport.

How do you even judge an Olympic pole dancing routine? Do you count the judges’ boners? — “I give it a nine.”

Okay, okay. In all seriousness, there are cultural messages about pole dancing that people need to be honest about. The reason people get upset about young girls grinding on a rod is because it’s inherently sexual, and you can’t assume a kid won’t be affected by other people’s reactions to it.

I mean, how will a little girl who chose pole dancing instead of tap dancing feel in a few years when she finds out what other people think of her?

54 Responses

  1. Ian C says:

    I agree with your summary. I certainly don't want my daughter pole dancing, even if it is redefined as a competitive sport for the olympics.
    I do understand the dancer's comments about requiring technique and a certain amount of strength to perform at the highest levels, but seeing a woman swinging on a vertical pole is going to make any adult think STRIPCLUB.

    Check out the pole dancing at the 2012 olympic story on my news blog. Click my name.

  2. Tiff says:

    Well it's actually not just one of those stupid personality quizzes, it's a personality test that is actually taken seriously in a lot of work places. It is based on psychology & on Carl Jung's theories. So, it's not exactly bull, you know? Pretty sure some psychologists & counselors can actually determine your personality type just by asking you a few questions that are the same as the quiz.

    slightly expressed extravert
    distinctively expressed intuitive personality
    slightly expressed feeling personality
    moderately expressed judging personality

    So you are an ENFJ. I'm an INFJ which means I have an introverted personality type that is much like yours. πŸ˜€

    THIS NEWS IS HORRENDOUS. WHAT?!?!? What the hell are these people doing to our kids!?!??! Oh my GOODNESS. WTF? & the mormons think that gay marriage will ruin kids. OH RLY? BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE POLE DANCING IS UP THERE. -_-

    I definitely don't know what's going on with the world, but it's getting crazy. 4 year olds need to stick to Barney, Barbies, Disney movies, & sandboxes, NOT stripper poles. Fcking Miley Cyrus. That ho!

  3. Nugget says:

    How can pole dancing NOT be sexual? o_O
    It disturbs me how those parents would actually let their children take those classes. Sure, those kids don't actually know what pole dancing actually means YET…but when they get older and get surrounded by people with raging hormones, it would be impossible for them not to know. The "innocence" will disappear.

    If pole dancing becomes an Olympic Sport – thank god it isn't – a bunch of people will watch it, and not for gymnastic admiring reasons.

  4. Shriya says:

    Oh Lord. This is <u>disgusting</u>. All in the name of money. I once read a book about a girl who was a pole-dancer and loved pole dancing, but was always scared to tell anybody because of the fear of being fun of.
    Pole dancing may be an exercise. But it is vulgar most of the time. My cousin is eight years old. I just CANNOT imagine her doing what Miley Cyrus does. Grr.

    If they offer cash prize for homework, I'd be richer than Bill Gates in a week. No, scratch that. In a day.

    Awh, honey, I miss you too. πŸ™ Reply soon. xD

  5. nancy says:

    It was crawling out of the butt so I guess its too hot :O! I`ve been named after lots of things :O! Instruments, pencil, pins, etc πŸ˜› Its all cool πŸ˜€ I`m for real, I`ll name the cotton-guy kitten Justin πŸ˜€

  6. Nancy says:

    Aww <3 You're sweet πŸ™‚ I miss talking to you and with your spiffy comments πŸ˜€ I would so keep them, but they die in any contacts with the heat :(! And its hot here! I can name one of my kittens Justin fo sho πŸ˜›

  7. nancy says:

    A few minutes ago, another tapeworm came out. This is getting crazy. Blegpach, why does these bacteria really need to do these things to survive? :(. What is worse, is little girls learning how to pole dance. Now we know what their future job is going to be, while it could've been something better, with less… Exposure and usage. Whats more nastyish is that people over 18 actually wants an underage minor for these things.

  8. Aashni says:

    Wow! Pole dancing lessions for 9 year olds is just wrong, I don't care who you are, or what you do in this world! Sure, it's a great way to do exercise, but there are so many other LESS EXPLICIT ways of doing that to such as Gymnastics, Cheerleading, other NORMAl sports!

    I like what JHase said – "we like our poles just like they are" hahahah… unfortunately it's true in a way… I mean, would you prefer to have washed out forty-somethings starting at 9 year old kids as they pole dance????

  9. Jhase says:

    I agree with this. The idea that it can be seen as a non-sexual based activity is ludicrous in itself. Pole dancing, through the many years, have earned its right to have thoughts of dirty behavior and young girls out there giving men what they want.

    Seriously, can you really sit down and listen to your child, or sister say "When I grow up, I want to be a professional pole dancer." and not get the sense that slapping them may be for the best. I can't, but if you can good luck.

    Darn people always trying to ruin tradition. We like our poles just like they are, dirty and littered with people who didn't make it in their dreams. (Not to say they couldn't do it, either.)

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