I Can’t Help my Phone-y Habits – Justin Hanks

I Can’t Help my Phone-y Habits

Justin Hanks

The cellphone has been saving the world from awkward situations since 1973.

Imagine you’re heading back to your dorm after one of those crazy get-drunk-and-make-bad-choices parties you see in a typical rom-com. As you drink and dash, you see a creepy guy from the party named Ted that you made out with. He doesn’t look nearly as good as he did two hours ago.

Also, Ted smells like kitten poop. Why? Just because.

You’d be doomed if you couldn’t pull out your cellphone and pretend to do something important as you pass him.

Don’t deny it. We all rely on cellphones to spare us from awkward encounters. I’ve actually perfected the technique. Usually, I write fake text messages to the person I’m trying to avoid. This way, my fingers’ movements look authentic.

The text will say something like, “Hey Rebecca, I don’t want to stop and talk to you, because you never shut up, and last time I stopped, you made me late to class, because you spent twenty five minutes talking about how your throat hurts, which is kind of ironic, and, oh, great, I made it past you.”

It’s a genius idea until you accidentally send one.

Cellphones also make it easier to say what’s on your mind. Without the face-to-face confrontation, I can text whatever the hell I want. It’s a lot easier to tell someone his chin looks like a butt when I’m safe at home… miles away from his fist (which looks like multiple butts).

Additionally, cellphones give me the courage to be annoying. Before their existence, I couldn’t walk into a store and talk to myself. Now, however, I can babble like a lunatic and avoid any consequences by merely pointing at the Bluetooth device in my ear.

But I do have to draw the line somewhere. I don’t think it’s fair to blame cellphones for car accidents. Seriously people, put the damn phone away while you’re driving. You’re driving a car; not a telephone booth. And while we’re on the subject, it’s not a beauty parlor or restaurant, either.

Even though cellphones spare me some weird encounters, I suppose they can also cause a few. There’s been times when I’ve texted someone, even though I didn’t want to, merely because they wouldn’t stop.

Fortunately, during every texting session in the world, at some point, a text is sent that means: “This is the end of the conversation. I’m gonna go do something interesting now.”

45 Responses

  1. Jessica says:

    Your new layout is super fantastic! πŸ™‚

    This is so true! I know that anytime I'm about in public and I happen to be standing alone, waiting for someone or something, I just pull my phone out. It's a great way to either A.) Avoid an awkward situation, as you said or B.) Make yourself look like less of a loser, just standing there by yourself

    ahaha. Yes, the phone was indeed a great invention. Minus the fact that they can cause car wrecks of course :X

  2. Becca says:

    I pretend to be texting someone all the time. This weekend I'm visitng a bunch of family that i havent seen in a pretty long time, and all my cousins are about twenty years older rhan i am, so I just pretend like im taalking to someone and am not actually a loser. πŸ˜›

    I think cell phones cause tons of drama because people are not face to face. Especially among teenagers and gosh those like 10 year olds. At least all the ones I know. 😑 it's personally causing drama in my youth group at church.

    Haha! It wouldn't surprise me if they snuck in an extra six dollars! My school is just really cheap or maybe you just didnt get charged another fee? Who knows.

  3. kaylee says:

    HAHA so true, and theres that moment when you look like a dick because your pretending to be on the phone and it rings!

    yes roll up = very essential and the bus is my usb drive πŸ™‚ it my Universal Serial Bus. not that anyone calls it that anymore/ ever did haha

  4. ida says:

    haha the telephone can for sure save us out of some awkward situations!!

    i think the phone was an incredible idea, today i don't know what i would've done without it. if i need to call someone in the family or text to give them a message or something along those lines, it all happnes in no time, but if i didn't have a phone i would actually have to walk the long distance between houses to deliver a message? haha (:

    and thank you!! i'm glad you have faith, 'cause i'll need it. the exam is in math, haha!

    no i'm mot moving to london, i'm just going on a trip there with my family (: and it's my dream to go to london because i've seen it on pictures and it's wow! besides i've always wanted to see that city with my own eyes!! it's a lot different from where i live.

  5. Eden-Avalon says:

    xD Justin! Thanks for the comment – I was quite surprised to see someone of the XY chromosome variety on the site. I haven't posted geekery there in a while (though – I was considering it. Psychic link?)

    In regards to Ted and my tolerance of kitten poop aside: Whenever I am walking and there's someone creepy. I get on the phone (for realsies or to someone imaginary and important) and pretend to talk. I usually make it a point to mention the person I'm walking by. Who attacks someone when they've already been identified and mentioned by the would-be victim right?

    The text message idea just seems silly. What if you, in the giddy thrill of avoidance, accidentally send it? Then you have to apologize or exert the effort to come up with a rude and witty snipe.

    …Now I want to drive a telephone booth.

  6. That's a good point about cellphone…protection? I just hope I don't misplace mine this time. I am not a cellphone person, it's just there for calls… in either way, if I see Ted, that would help me…:=)

  7. Stephanie says:

    I have never thought of doing that! I should try that sometime.

    To me, it's just as hard to insult someone over the phone as face-to-face. Either way, they're both receiving your raw, unmodified words.

  8. thania says:

    I really cant stop laughing at this blog! lol. Everything is totally true!. "Its a genius Idea untill you accidently send one!" ahah <– my favorite part

    lol Pink is the best color ever. dont ever feel embarrased for having someting pink:) Im buying it sunday hopefully!. ahh Im just crossing my fingers hoping its in stock! lol.

  9. mayra says:

    HAHA you always make your blogs so interesting to read, when i start reading it makes me want to keep on reading and well that is the point when you write! Unlike me, i suck at writing and my blogs are usually boring. >.<
    I agree with you, cellphones can save you from talking to someone you really don't want to, and it helps to make you looks busy (:
    Im not sure when you changed your layout, i haven't visited our site in a while but it looks amazing.
    Thanks for your comment.

  10. Tine says:

    finally an update! :)) i sometimes do the talking to myself thing when i'm in a place where i dont want to look like a LONER. lol. and a cure for schiz? hahaha that's possible, i guess.

    i prefer texting that calling.. just because it's cheaper here in the philippines. some networks offer unlimited calls for one day/week but i feel like just wasting my money because i got no one to talk with that much. :p

    i love your new layout!

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