Fashion Trends that Must Return – Justin Hanks

Fashion Trends that Must Return

Justin Hanks
3 Shares

People love to mock old fashion trends like leisure suits and shoulder pads, but honestly, is today’s world any better? Now we’ve got crocs, man cleavage, rappers with diamonds on their teeth, hipster pants so tight they’re considered contraceptives, and everything in Nicki Minaj’s closet.

I think we’ve been way too hard on the past. After a little day-dreaming, here’s my list of old fashion trends that weren’t actually so bad.

1. Hammer Pants

Be forewarned that hammer pants have absolutely nothing to do with real hammers (although life would be easier if you could dance on someone and say you “nailed” ’em). Inspired by harem pants, these super baggy leggings were popularized in the 1980’s-1990’s by rapper MC Hammer. The pants are peg-legged and have a huge billowing crotch that droops below the knees (kinda like my uncle… hey-o!). Historians believe the extra space in the pants provided ample storage for rubik’s cubes, game boys, nintendo cartridges, koosh balls, cabbage patch kids, VHS cassettes, and Cyndi Lauper.

Without a doubt, these pants must make a comeback. Since they’re so loose and ill-fitting, they can be used to hide imperfections; bringing an end to body image issues and eating disorders. But most importantly, if you’re ever wearing hammer pants and somebody pushes you out an airplane, you’ll probably land safely.

2. 80’s Windbreaker Jackets

Fashion trends from the 80’s are totally making a comeback. Take a stroll through your local mall, and you’re bound to see plastic sunglasses, neon colors, and hair so big it puts Robin Williams’ arms to shame. Unfortunately, there is one 80’s trend that has yet to re-enter the market — the windbreaker jacket. Now, some may disagree, but personally, I adore wearing anything that is vibrant… hell, I’ve even considered sporting a bright orange traffic cone on my head.

Windbreakers grab my attention, and they blend their vibrant colors seamlessly with awesome eye-catching patterns. These patterns remind me of graffiti… but without the aftertaste of ghetto and broken dreams. Ultimately, you can’t go wrong with a jacket whose name is synonymous with farting.

3. Powdered Wigs

Powdered wigs were an integral part of fashion during the 18th century, and their story begins like many others — with syphilis. By 1580, syphilis had become the worst epidemic to strike Europe (besides the Black Death and the codpiece). Without antibiotics, victims suffered a multitude of symptoms — including hair loss. As baldness swept the nation, the people derived the only logical solution: harness Robin Williams’ arms. And when that failed, the victims wore wigs.

For a long time, the wigs were a Renaissance equivalent of the ugly Christmas sweater. But once the King of France “did the nasty” and caught the STD himself, the wigs were transformed into a symbol of wisdom. In today’s world, the powdered wig is gone… and coincidentally, so is wisdom. These wigs must come back. Not only are they super cool, but we’ll all look like mutated kitties.

4. Fanny Packs

The word “fannypack” always confused me. I mean, why is it called a fannypack when it’s worn in the front? Doesn’t “fanny” mean “butt?” Last time I checked, I couldn’t windbreak out of a fannypack. Maybe we should call them vag bags instead… or junk trunks… or sack sacks…

Despite the ill-suited name, fannypacks are awesome. They provide a hands-free storage solution for anyone on the go. And, if you think about it, fannypacks decrease your likelihood of being robbed… I mean, no one’s gonna steal your iPod if it involves reaching at your private parts. Well, almost no one. For the same reason, fannypacks make airport security checks hilariously awkward. And best of all, if you wear a fannypack, people might think you’re Batman… (all you need now is a nipple suit).

Oh, and if you really want to make a statement, you could wear everything at the same time.

Take notes, Lady Gaga.

57 Responses

  1. Jamie says:

    Genius, my friend, genius.
    I clearly remember being about six and wearing both a fanny pack and a purple/yellow/red windbreaker along with my fanny pack and hair barrettes. That was in '99 now so I don't really have an excuse other than apparently the area in which I lived was painfully out-of-date.

  2. Michael says:

    I love idea of fannypacks, they've never gone out for me. Well infact they've never gone in πŸ˜›

    Fannypacks aren't really a thing in England, maybe becuase fanny doesn't mean butt here, fanny means women's front, well you know.

    πŸ˜‰ LOL

    Michael πŸ™‚

  3. Lauren says:

    Well, fanny may mean butt in the US but in the UK fannypack works fine with how they're currently worn πŸ˜‰ Now I think about it we actually call them "bum bags" which makes as little sense as fanny pack does to you. If it was possible to find a fanny pack that didn't look like it was actually made in the 80s I'd totally use it – they're so much more convenient than carrying a handbag. I think a business creating fanny packs using modern materials and colour schemes would kill.

    Ugh, just the thought of a powered wig has made my head all itchy.

  4. Gillian says:

    I think I could pull it off. Wearing everything at the same time.

    Those leggings definitely seem like something that I want as part of my wardrobe! And who can argue with the convenience of the fanny pack.

    I love wearing vibrant colors as well. Now only if I could have a background as vibrant as the one Robin Williams has, everywhere I decide to go.

  5. Meaghan says:

    Okay. The hammer pants are okay…ish. Only because they seem so stylish. :3

    FANNY PACKS ARE NOT OKAY. Never ever. Every time I go to Chinatown (which is rare because I hate it… because it's so dirty there), there's all these Asian mothers wearing black leather fanny packs. NO. πŸ™

    My boyfriend has a brown windbreaker. It's quite stylish. :3 I wore it once… it was surprisingly comfortable & didn't make that crinkly sound a lot.

    About the powdered wigs… they use them in China or whatever lol. I think. Only in court though. Every time I watch a Chinese drama & there's a trial, those judgy people are wearing those ugly wigs. :S

  6. Jenny says:

    LMAO at Robin Williams! I had no idea he had such hairy arms, haha. I also didn't know that they wore those wigs because of hair loss from syphilis πŸ˜› You learn something knew everyday!

  7. Mom says:

    You are SO funny!!!! Wow….I never realized that Robin Williams had such hairy arms. I love the hammer pants most of all….lol. My dates wore those…..lol!!!! I didn't know that STD's were the cause of powdered wigs, but it makes a lot of sense. You notice that women didn't wear powdered wigs? I guess they just wore scarves on their heads. Oh well. I loved this blog!!!! You have made my day!!!!!

  8. Mom says:

    Oh yeah….I forgot to mention, that I still wear fanny packs at amusement parks.

  9. Rachel H says:

    I personally, would love to wear a vag bag. Just sayin'

    This cracked me up Justin!! Although, I think you may have a secret love for Robin William's arms. It's okay πŸ™‚ Anyway you are always so funny and I love you!! And way to go bringing it all together there at the end. That picture is extremely disturbing!! haha Love ya!

  10. Kristi says:

    I lol'ed at that picture. That's amazing. πŸ˜‰

    I really wouldn't mind if 80's fashion made a complete comeback. I wasn't alive back then so I would love to see people casually "pull of" big hair, neon leg warmers, bangles, etc. But do you realize fannypacks are still around? I've seen so many people wear them at Disney World.

  11. Dorine says:

    Whoever is in your company will definitely live a life full of laughter.

    I love the picture at the end! I so agree about hammer pants, only it wouldn't be advisable to put food inside it. Those powdered wigs would trap flies easily and rid the world of them.

    Very clever indeed!

  12. Stephanie says:

    I did not see that picture at the end coming.

    The celebrity I imagine wearing that, however, is not Lady Gaga. I'd like to see Justin Bieber wear that for kicks. After all, purple is his favorite color!

  13. Olivia says:

    Hello! I got the content alignment thing figured out. Thank you very much though. I appreciate it. c: Pink is my favorite color. So I try to have it in everything, rotfl. xD

  14. Risha says:

    Ha!

    I don't know if it counts, but they brought back a lot of 80s inspired training jackets: super bright colours, lots of neon pastel. I may or may not own one in bright fucking pink.

    Fannypack- dunno about you lot, but in British/Brit-colonised slang, 'fanny' is a colloquialism for the vulva.

  15. K says:

    Oh my gosh. Combining those is something that I will never be able to un-see.

  16. Abbie says:

    As I read up on each of the trends, I kept thinking, "That'd be great if someone compiled all of these and threw it on Robin Williams." And then, you delivered. Fantastic. Although, I must say, he looks like a rejected extra from The Golden Girls..

  17. Lissa says:

    Haha, the MC Hammer pants are for the win! Why don't you just start the trend? πŸ˜‰ I bet people will follow you!

    I do really love your last picture! XD

  18. Holly says:

    I honestly hope these fashion trends return, just because it will be so funny. Although in the UK it's quite normal to see people wearing 80's windbreaker jackets, just because they are stuck in a time warp!

    I never realised Robin Williams had such hairy arms. I thought my boyfriend had hairy arms but that's just crazy!!

    Haha I never thought about swimming with dolphins as being a dangerous thing until the talk we were given before we entered the water. I want to swim with sharks next which is much more dangerous!!

    I'd have to dress up if I went to Comic-Con. I don't want to feel left out. I think I'd dress up as Harley Quinn because I'm a big fan of her. πŸ™‚

  19. Deanna says:

    I sometimes see people with fannypacks. I think a man had one on under his shirt last month at my store. It was kind of hilarious. I remember one year my aunt gave me one for Christmas. I was like, what am I going to do with this? I was so disappointed. I'm pretty sure I threw it out without ever using it.

  20. Erin Nicole says:

    Lol I love how robyn williams looks in that picture. XD

    & I love windbreakers, not because of the colors but because they keep you warm. Lol Simple but sophisticated.

    & Fanny packs are perfect for disney world or any other amusement park. I put my phone in there when we are going to disney. (we go there a lot) I don't see that ever changing. Though disney is getting boring, I still love riding tons of the rides and it is great exercise. πŸ˜€
    —————-
    Thanks so much. That really means a lot! <3 I didn't make it but I did code it from looking like Hostwish.info to the .net version. Not sure which one I like better. Lol

    I'm actually thinking about it but the prices are so much higher and I want to go to UNF which is in Jacksonville. Not sure if I will get into any other college. It would be awesome though. I might even be able to work for HostDime.com since they are located there.
    How much would you have for rent if I did decide to move there?

    Yeah, I hate it. Everyone is gone for school and they aren't coming back until Summer of '13 so I have nothing to do but watch Netflix and website stuff until then.

    I don't see why they are like that, it's not like you'd touch them. They gross you out! hahaha. I'd totally move into a dorm with you or wherever else. Lol. Doesn't bother me.

    & I totally agree. Free living is AWESOME. XD

  21. Angelica says:

    Oh no, oh no, my poor eyes, all of those things are hideous! Except for the powdered wig. The lady wigs of the 16th century were just AWESOME in their extravagance.

    Something I seriously want back is grunge fashion. Because it was so relaxed! In the early 90s all you had to do as a chick was roll out of bed still wearing yesterdays smudged make-up, your hair uncombed, put on a pair of Docs and walk out of your home still wearing the babydoll nightgown you slept in. As a guy you did the same only instead of a babydoll nightgown you wore boxers and some old T-shirt. HOW AWESOME!

  22. Meaghan says:

    Heck no. I still get creativity points!

    *Le gasp* Are you a mind reader now!? How did you figure that out? D: I thought I was being sly & clever.

    I don't even know if our zoo has ostriches. o.o I'll let you know when I go & I'll take a picture just for you. :3
    What did you do when you worked for one? Did you get to feed the fluffy animals!? :oooo

  23. Nancy says:

    With today's fashion trends being criticized and fashion trends from the past being brought up again, is this going to happen again in 70 years to come? :o! Those hammer pants looks like it would be a hassle if you need to climb over a fence for whatever reason. The 80's windbreaker jackets are still a trend, especially in marching bands where it dominates in the color guard section. Most definitely, I agree that fanny packs must come back as a trend! Not only it works well as a storage solution, it's great as a belt too if you're in a dire need of one.

    I'm not cool enough to major in Computer Science like you :P. I'm just a lame wannabe nerd who prefers utilizing tools you computer science majors creat than creating it myself c:

    If I were to own a yellow Camaro, that thing better be Bumblebee! XD!

    Take care πŸ™‚

  24. Courtney says:

    OMG your posts always make me laugh! I love the repeating reference to Robin William's arms…. glad I'm not the only one who thinks they're hairy!!! I completely agree about today's fashion trends being ridiculous… I hate shopping for clothes because all I see are ugly!! πŸ™

  25. Meaghan says:

    I don't have a favorite zoo animal… I haven't seen enough of the zoo to have one! But when I do go, I'll let you know. πŸ™‚

    Please do a Youtube video of one of your acts. PWETTY PWEASE. I would love to see that haha. And dress up too!

    Yuck, I just painted my nails… so no more biting. For now. :3

  26. kara says:

    I actually laughed while reading your blog! I like how your voice can be heard through it, and the fashion trends are interesting. Although, I'm not a big fan of the older trends mentioned here, I don't disagree with your comments on how today's dress attire isn't any better. Crocs, man cleavage…? Haha. Thanks for your sweet message by the way – I've decided to ignore the drama, block the people creating it, and continue to keep my site going.

  27. Cat says:

    lol, I like that you combined everything in the end. I agree that fashion now isn't much better than before, especially with crocs and hipster jeans. (I'm not even sure how they get those on.) I kind of miss how colorful windbreaker jackets are, but I think I remember them being… loud? They make a lot of noise because of the material! I used to use fanny packs when I was a kid, and I remember how handy they were. You make a good point about not being robbed too πŸ˜‰ I'm not sure I agree with hammer pants and powdered wigs though, haha.

  28. Meaghan says:

    Oh, and you're never on AIM anymore! I'm on all the time! I just made a new screen name though… so yeah. :c
    rusticmayhemx3

  29. kitty says:

    (fugly) hammer pants were very popular here in Israel in early 2000's.
    Wind breaker jackets were and probably still arepopular in Russia…

    I thought fanny meant pussy in British English O.o

  30. Christa says:

    Sad thing is, I have a pattern for those hammer pants. maybe I should start making them again and sell them. Get that one back out there. And I still rock a fanny pack – okay so it's more up to date then the older ones and it's called a hip bag.

  31. Cori says:

    Lawyers and judges in British courts still wear powdered wigs. I'm just saying, if it's good enough for those guys it's good enough for Snooki.

  32. nyuu says:

    hmm, not a big fan of the items you listed, but the powdered wig would be cool to sport πŸ˜€ I wasn't a huge 80s fan in terms of fashion, but I can see why people liked it.

    Can you believe it? I've never seen anyone wearing crocs before! At least not in real life!

  33. Chynna says:

    I could totally see myself rocking out in hammer pants but would have to say no to the powdered wigs.

    LOL AT THE PICTURE. I just snorted πŸ™ In a real bad way.

    Yeaa, DW has gone through several revamps. I've only watched a few of the old episodes because they're really hard to find online especially series 1. But I am determined to watch them!

    Definitely learned how small we are compared to the rest of the universe. Like I knew already but the Science Museum definitely put things in perspective. Plus all the things astronauts have to go through just to get into space. Sheesh.

  34. Sakura says:

    I can send you a sample that I got from my school's career centre if you want. Which email do you want me to send it to you?

  35. Kathy says:

    Hello! Haha I would so wear a fannypack if it was made to look like batman's utility belt. πŸ˜›

    Other than pre-cal I am taking Physics, US History, Choir, and Digital Animation. The classes are fairly easy at the moment. I hope it stays that way.

    thanks for the late birthday wish! My friends and I can't cook at all. We use cake mix and hope for the best haha.

  36. Lisa says:

    You were joking right? LOL
    I'm pretty sure you were…because that picture of Robin Williams is hilarious. (I love Robin Williams)
    If you were serious…sorry to hurt your feelings, but I don't like them at all! 😑

    I like classy and elegance. πŸ™‚
    My skins too yellow for neon colors. πŸ™

  37. Aly says:

    I LOVE fannypacks! ^^ But make sure you never actually say 'fannypack' to someone from Australia because my friend's dad did and they looked at him in pure horror; apparently it means something completely different there xD
    My mom made me wear those jackets when I was little…..no joke, I have baby pictures of me in those things x.x

  38. Ashleenah says:

    Oh my love, I love Hammer Pants. They are so comfortable! Ha ha. Not sure about bringing back any of those other things though, maybe the fannypacks… But they would definitely have to be redesigned a bit (not such ugly colours). πŸ™‚

  39. Lilly says:

    Oh, hammer pants would be so convenient. Maybe they could make them somewhat refrigerated; I could store all my chocolate there D: Isn't MC Hammer a minister now?

    I love powered wigs and fanny packs. What do you mean they went out of style? D: lol. I'm loving that graphic though; genius! πŸ˜€

    I'm so jealous of your layout, by the way! I tried doing a colour-picking option before and it failed πŸ™ It's so cool though! πŸ˜€

    I actually printed my Gryffindor crest out and taped on it, heheh :p
    People say all the time, "oh, I'm sure I'm messier than you," but then they're all shocked at how messy I really am, lol.

  40. Alice says:

    Oop, hammer pants! Actually, pop stars in Korea wear them sometimes xD
    Justin, what is with you and Robin Williams' gloriously hairy arms?
    AHAHA "fanny" actually means "vag" in Britain… I believe… ahaha but in American English it means "butt" so I was confused for the longest time too, lol. Dunno if the fanny pack an American invention, too XD

    I WOULD LIKE A POWDERED WIG THOUGH, YES. COME BACK.

    The last picture is seriously brilliant.

  41. Jared says:

    LOL, these posts, make me smile in the beginning, giggle in the middle, and fall out of my seat and the end.

  42. Uglyfish says:

    I have seen two people this week dressed in those pants and jackets! No wigs though, what a shame. I've worn two powdered wigs in my life because they were props for a show and I just couldn't resist….I wouldn't make a habbit of it though, they're very warm.

    Fanny means…um…..vagina in England, I always thought people were really rude saying it on shows when I was a kid!

  43. Christine says:

    I 100% support the return of powdered wigs. As a snooty English teacher I feel that my students might take me a little more seriously if I look like the characters that I'm always talking about. Nothing wrong with an image of me wearing a powdered wig, right?

  44. Meaghan says:

    Your site's back! What happened to it?

  45. Liza says:

    Hammer pants? Never heard of them, and that picture reminds me of a pirate for some reason.

    I had windbreakers in elementary school. As far as I knew, they were pretty awesome, and a lot of people who were in little league activities (drill team for me) had them and wore them practically all of the time. The only annoying part about them is that they're just SO noisy, and everyone can hear your every move, you know?

    I'm sure if ya put powder in your hair that you could maybe pass as someone with a powdered wig! πŸ˜‰ Just a thought, heh…

    Anyway… Interesting.

  46. Julia says:

    I remember I used to follow your blog! πŸ™‚
    It's nice to see that you're still here πŸ˜€

  47. Amanda says:

    Powdered wig? haha i think it will be hilarious if everyone on street is wearing one of those.. XD nice blog btw.,

  48. kressa says:

    OMG that photo is so funny in the end. Powdered wigs still exist, I thought courts in England still use them to this day.

  49. Jen says:

    Haha!! πŸ™‚ I like the '80's Windbreakers. One thing that I want during the '80s is the funky elevator shoes. Haha!! πŸ™‚ We can trade our generation's crocs to '80s funky elevator shoes. πŸ™‚

  50. Christine says:

    Where have you been??

  51. Ha ha ha ha! I love the idea of powdered wigs coming back.

  52. Jasmine says:

    i like the hammer pants i would rock those with a half shirt.

  53. Tamasha (meowiamacat) says:

    wow…. XD

  54. I actually like fanny packs. I only wear one at the fair or something, but it makes carrying stuff super easy.

  55. amelianightwolf says:

    In Dubai, I see teens still wearing hammer pants, so yah.. They didn't die yet xD

  56. Alice Shadow says:

    I kinda really want the victorian era back. I adore the dresses that people wear making them look like they have class. Now people will call you distgusting for having a ‘fetish’ though their ancestors probably wore them

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About

My name is Justin, and this website is devoted to my many hobbies. From writing and web development to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

Stay In Touch

Enjoy what you saw? You can follow me on social media if you feel like it. You can also stuff mashed potatoes up your nose if you feel like it.
© Copyright 2012 - 2017 Justin Hanks, All Rights Reserved.