Candlelight Dinners are for Ugly People

You eat steak at a steak dinner. You eat turkey at a turkey dinner. What the hell do you eat at a candlelight dinner? I’m sorry, but I’ve recently developed a hatred for candlelight dinners. They’re stupid, and, consequently, they’re now on my list of “things that make you go derp” – along with dancing Santas, fannypacks, and anything that spews out of Donald Trump’s face-hole.

Normally I love romance. I’m the most romantic person on the planet. My ideal date consists of walking on a beach where the water is 90% chocolate and 10% strawberries… and 10% roses… and 100% unicorns. There will be no math on this date.

But I draw the line at candlelight dinners. Candlelight dinners were created by ugly people. Think about it. The true reason why they’re “so romantic” is because you don’t have to see the person sitting across from you.

The whole concept is offensive. If someone invited me to a candlelight dinner, I’d immediately assume they were calling me hideous. It’s like, “Hey, honey; we’re eating in the dark, because your face looks like a deformed baboon’s ass.”

And while I’m at it, why is candlelight still around? Do people actually rely on it? Candlelight isn’t very practical. Eons have passed since the invention of candles. Now we have light bulbs – a much brighter idea.

Candles don’t make it easier to see anymore. Move on. If you must use a candle, use it to enhance a different sense; because candles at least make it easier to smell.

Wait. Hold up. Candles improve bad odors. So now, not only is my date telling me I’m fugly, but he’s also hinting that I smell like cat piss. Damn. Could it be my cologne? Do I sweat too much? Perhaps I should try that new Britney Spears perfume. What was it called again… BelieveFantasyTrailer Park Mystery?

Getting back to the point, no good comes from Candlelight Dinners. They’re insulting, inefficient, and even a safety hazard. They truly are dangerous. I mean, what if, say, because there’s no real light in the room, my partner accidentally knocks over a candle? Well golly; nothing says I love you like a face full of fire.

If my boyfriend burned his face off, there’d only be one way I could look at him again… we’d be having candlelight dinners for eternity.

Leave Comment


  • Minteh
    Dec 30, 2008 3:42 pm

    :0 -is linked-
    IPAL is linked too. XD

  • Fia
    Dec 30, 2008 1:50 pm

    Good points. I am not a fan of it too. I'd rather eat under an elegant and expensive chandelier. Heh xD

  • Ben
    Dec 30, 2008 1:15 pm

    You'll be waiting a while for them smiles. Heh.
    How art thou? I need to stop speaking shakespearian.

  • merissaa
    Dec 30, 2008 12:57 pm

    omg hahahahahaha your name is like the best lmao i love it :]

  • Minteh
    Dec 30, 2008 12:43 pm

    I'm avoiding work. =D
    If it's dark and cold it's night…
    If it's bright and cold it's… penguinland?

  • Meaghan!
    Dec 30, 2008 12:38 pm

    Lol, thanks 🙂

  • Meaghan!
    Dec 30, 2008 12:28 pm

    LOL XD
    Haha I like your rant on candlelight dinners 😛
    I like the 2nd paragraph haha. Cracked me up 😛

  • Gillian
    Dec 30, 2008 12:07 pm

    Lmao okay whatever makes you happy. xD

  • Rachel
    Dec 30, 2008 12:06 pm

    Psh of course! 😉 Haha

  • Gillian
    Dec 30, 2008 11:47 am

    Lmao actually you were comment 103 😉 But you know thats still pretty darn special xD
    Yeah i doubt im ever going to get down to my homework anyways.

  • Rachel
    Dec 30, 2008 10:49 am

    looks good! ^.^

  • Gillian
    Dec 30, 2008 10:33 am

    Lmao yeahh. I wish my attention spand was a bit more. Then i wouldnt be distracted so easily, i practically can't get anything done ! xD
    Boy, am i going to need all the luck in the world to actually get down to some HOMEWORK today :/

  • Ben
    Dec 30, 2008 10:25 am

    It's changed a lot since you saw it though. Did you see the /k.png one? If yes then LOTS MORE HAS BEEN ADDED~

    I know. We're so sad. XD Oh well, we're coo'~

  • Chrys
    Dec 30, 2008 6:18 am

    You inspired my raving blog. Although you don't really rave because at least you have a point. Mine just… Well… It's all over the place. Hahahha.

    Thanks 🙂 There's only four headers fyi!! Lol.

  • Tiffany
    Dec 30, 2008 4:17 am

    haha I guess I'm gonna take candle light dinner invitations offensively now. XD

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