Happy New Year, You Drunk Bastard

New Year’s Eve is the time for new beginnings. It’s the time to start fresh and forget about our mistakes. It’s the time to get our shit together.

To do this, we make resolutions. Some plan to visit church and pray for renewed relationships with God. Some vow to make positive changes in their personal lives like losing weight or vanquishing bad habits. Some promise to quit drinking… with a glass of wine in hand.

For about 24 hours, it’s all pretty inspirational. “This will be the year,” we say.ย  “It’ll actually happen this time. We’ll become heroes. We’ll motivate others. We’ll end up on the Oprah Network.”

Things look promising until the clock strikes midnight. Once that happens, it’s all over. Hell breaks loose. We resort to bloody savages. All of our inspirational goals, and sometimes even our underwear, are thrown out the window. We ring in the new year by getting drunk, destroying furniture, passing out on strangers’ beds, and then ultimately waking up the next morning spooning a bearded woman named Helga.

None of it makes any sense. Why do we sabotage our lives with such bizarre behavior? Do we hate ourselves? Well yeah, probably.

Regardless, we need to find a little dignity. Do you all listen to yourselves when you make these resolutions? Do you even listen to me? Stop with the shenanigans. Up above, I said it was time to get our shit together… not time to shit in a sweater.

We never learn. Every year, we want a New Year’s Eve that we’ll never forget, but then we drink so much we can’t remember it.

We ruin such a great holiday, and it’s a damn shame. I love New Year’s Eve. It’s my guilty pleasure. Unlike Christmas (a holiday that forces me to celebrate with relatives), New Year’s Eve is a chance to celebrate with people I actually enjoy celebrating with.

The traditions aren’t helping either. Some of these rituals are bizarre. Like, why must we beat the crap out of pots and pans, witness trauma-inducing explosions in the sky, and gawk as a giant ball descends?

Seriously. We are watching balls drop. I mean, I understand that we’re celebrating age and maturity, but do we really need a literal representation of puberty?

Regardless of how I feel, I still planned on making a New Year’s resolution. I had some pretty good ideas, but then I thought, “Why tamper with perfection?” For now, I’ll just wish you all a safe night out. I hope you remember me in the morning.

Leave Comment

Dec 31 4:58 pm

oh goshh your soooo conceited. lol j/k
i loved the part on your post that says

"I was thinking about making a New Year's resolution myself, but I thought, "What the heck — why tamper with perfection?"


My new years resolution is to lose weight and I'll def. remember you in moring, I don't even DRINK. haha

Dec 31 4:32 pm

haha yes I definitely see the irony. XD
Your guilty pleasure huh? ๐Ÿ˜›
You 'beat' pots and pans? o.O We don't do that in Australia. XD We bet on kangaroo's when they race. *sarcasm*

I myself actually made a New Year's Resolution…but I'd probably forget it in a week.

Dec 31 4:24 pm

That's fine!

Uhm, I'm not sure, haha. I guess how do I get a background (like your confetti background) onto a layout? I made one before in Photoshop, posted it, and the background stopped halfway down the page.

Dec 31 2:39 pm

LOL no thanks, im not cutting back .. not on new years ! ;o
And i joined that little forum of yours. ๐Ÿ™‚

Dec 31 2:31 pm

no deary, i just don't own slack. i heart you and your kind ๐Ÿ˜‰ *snaps!*

Dec 31 2:27 pm

Yeah, I made one.

Dec 31 2:27 pm

Now I'm just confused -_-

Dec 31 2:25 pm

LMAO. Just wait till you see my next blog about getting drunk. ๐Ÿ™‚
Im not doing anything tonight. It all starts tomorrow haha. Out for lunch , then downtown and then saturday a partyyy woo.

Dec 31 2:24 pm

can't cut you any slack because i don't own any o_o.

Dec 31 2:21 pm

You mean the MySQL?

Dec 31 2:19 pm

Lol what, you can't be awesome without being a party animal?

Dec 31 2:14 pm

Hm… duties… be awesome! As if you need practice in that area ;D

Dec 31 2:13 pm

The XMB Fourm one… For some reason the stupid thing was having trouble locating the database.

Dec 31 2:10 pm

No. I'm not doing it anymore. Everything just doesn't like me. ha. So, you don't have to kill me now.

Dec 31 2:08 pm

XD Well, people read that…
Happy New Year's Eve! ๐Ÿ˜€


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I havenโ€™t been myself ever since I was born.

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