Happy New Year, You Drunk Bastard

New Year’s Eve is the time for new beginnings. It’s the time to start fresh and forget about our mistakes. It’s the time to get our shit together.

To do this, we make resolutions. Some plan to visit church and pray for renewed relationships with God. Some vow to make positive changes in their personal lives like losing weight or vanquishing bad habits. Some promise to quit drinking… with a glass of wine in hand.

For about 24 hours, it’s all pretty inspirational. “This will be the year,” we say.  “It’ll actually happen this time. We’ll become heroes. We’ll motivate others. We’ll end up on the Oprah Network.”

Things look promising until the clock strikes midnight. Once that happens, it’s all over. Hell breaks loose. We resort to bloody savages. All of our inspirational goals, and sometimes even our underwear, are thrown out the window. We ring in the new year by getting drunk, destroying furniture, passing out on strangers’ beds, and then ultimately waking up the next morning spooning a bearded woman named Helga.

None of it makes any sense. Why do we sabotage our lives with such bizarre behavior? Do we hate ourselves? Well yeah, probably.

Regardless, we need to find a little dignity. Do you all listen to yourselves when you make these resolutions? Do you even listen to me? Stop with the shenanigans. Up above, I said it was time to get our shit together… not time to shit in a sweater.

We never learn. Every year, we want a New Year’s Eve that we’ll never forget, but then we drink so much we can’t remember it.

We ruin such a great holiday, and it’s a damn shame. I love New Year’s Eve. It’s my guilty pleasure. Unlike Christmas (a holiday that forces me to celebrate with relatives), New Year’s Eve is a chance to celebrate with people I actually enjoy celebrating with.

The traditions aren’t helping either. Some of these rituals are bizarre. Like, why must we beat the crap out of pots and pans, witness trauma-inducing explosions in the sky, and gawk as a giant ball descends?

Seriously. We are watching balls drop. I mean, I understand that we’re celebrating age and maturity, but do we really need a literal representation of puberty?

Regardless of how I feel, I still planned on making a New Year’s resolution. I had some pretty good ideas, but then I thought, “Why tamper with perfection?” For now, I’ll just wish you all a safe night out. I hope you remember me in the morning.

Leave Comment

Jan 02 11:52 am

LOl, that is one way of putting it.

Jan 02 8:47 am

aha what a riot

Justin R.
Jan 01 10:22 pm

Your Mom is crazy…

Jan 01 7:12 pm

*gasp* 117th comment! lmfao.
Happy new year Justin! =D

Jan 01 12:20 pm

Ooooh yah I forgot!
I will go on a hiatus for the next two weeks because of my IGCSE Mocks. I will come back dont worry! lol haha
Cya. It is all in my blog

Jan 01 11:32 am

YESSS I am really doing a new layout, I don't know when to put it up though. I will after 2 weeks I guess, after my IGCSE Mocks.
Have a great and a happy new year!!

Jan 01 7:42 am

Hey Justin!
Happy New Year! -http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d106/shelly2008/sugarcandynet/happynewyear.png

By the way, no I didn't see Iron Man, but I want to!!! And Cloverfield was, eh okay. I think the reason I didn't like it much is because I wasn't paying attention really, I was with my best friend, lol. Maybe if I watch it again I'll like it. =D

Jan 01 7:03 am

I guess the part where you get knocked out makes it memorable and unforgettable. lol xD Because even when you're drunk, a part of your consciousness is still awake so you'd still be able to remember a few tidbits of what happened. xD

Jan 01 3:43 am

So like, I just read your blog backwards. Seriously. I'm not that weird.

New Years eve this year was so bad I rather drink a camel hair smoothie. That's how bad it was. Gr, I don't even care anymore really… Happy New Year.

I do enjoy the fact that New Years isn't as family oriented and you can actually go murder your own people, and then feel better about it later because you're going to 'change'. Pfft!

New Year's resolution… To alter more than just ONE thing. My entire life needs to be 'resolved.

Jan 01 3:16 am

I'm not a big drinker and I HATE drunk people! I dont know whats so fun about getting into a state where you dont even know your name?!

Jan 01 2:00 am

HAHAHA. I laughed out loud at your blog. Honestly I did. It's so true! I didn't get drunk at all this year, but I got completely wasted last year. I hardly remember anything about that night and the stuff that I do remember… I don't really want to.

Still. Whatever.

I always make resolutions I don't keep. But I am really going to try and keep them this year… Probably end up failing anyway.

And no, the lady on the train didn't do her toes!! That would have been terrible. But fingers is bad enough 🙂

Dec 31 10:01 pm

haha, don't fret now 😀 Of course I read all of yours! but I do have to refrain sometimes you know, I wouldn't want to bust a bladder ^_^

aww well that's just really not quite a fair test! I mean, if you hid that inside your blog near the middle or something, then yah it's fair. But at the end hun? Noo, everyone will see that…sort of 😀

And we humans are just weird like that, it's basically so we can party all we want the night before so then the next day, we start with a clean slate XD

Happy new years!

Dec 31 8:12 pm

Thanks but what does "Haooy" mean? Kidding I know. Haooy New Year To You Aswell 😛

Dec 31 6:47 pm

Hi Justin. I got a domain so could you please change my link to my new site. Thanks!

Dec 31 5:14 pm

Dunno. Count down? -tv-


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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