Happy New Year, You Drunk Bastard

New Year’s Eve is the time for new beginnings. It’s the time to start fresh and forget about your mistakes. It’s the time to get your shit together.

To do this, we makes resolutions. Some plan to visit church and pray for renewed relationships with God. Others vow to make positive changes in their personal lives; such as losing weight or vanquishing bad habits. Some even promise to quit drinking… with a glass of wine in hand.

For about 24 hours, it’s all pretty inspirational. This will be the year. It will actually happen. I will become a hero. I’ll motivate others. I’ll end up on Oprah.

Yet once the clock strikes midnight, it’s all over. All hell breaks loose. We suddenly resort to bloody savages. All our inspirational goals, and sometimes our underwear, are thrown out the window. We ring in the new year by getting drunk, destroying furniture, passing out on strangers’ beds, and then ultimately waking up the next morning spooning a bearded woman named Helga.

None of it makes any sense. Why do we sabotage our lives with such bizarre behavior? Was no one listening to me? I said it was time to get our shit together… not time to shit in a sweater.

We never learn. Every year, we want a New Year’s Eve we’ll never forget, and then we drink so much we can’t remember it.

We ruin such a great holiday, and it’s a damn shame. I love New Year’s Eve. It’s my guilty pleasure. Unlike Christmas where I’m forced to celebrate with relatives, New Year’s Eve is a chance to celebrate with people I actually enjoy celebrating with.

But I don’t like everything about this time of year. Some of the rituals are a tad bizarre. Why must we beat the crap out of pots and pans, gawk at terrorist explosions in the sky, and watch a giant ball descend?

We’re watching balls drop. I mean, I understand that we’re celebrating age and maturity, but do we really need a literal representation of puberty?

I was thinking of making a New Year’s resolution myself, but I thought, “Why tamper with perfection?” Instead, I’ll just wish you all a safe night out. I hope you remember me in the morning.

Leave Comment


  • Aaron
    Jan 02, 2009 11:52 am

    LOl, that is one way of putting it.

  • Shoko
    Jan 02, 2009 8:47 am

    aha what a riot

  • Justin R.
    Jan 01, 2009 10:22 pm

    Your Mom is crazy…

  • Zach
    Jan 01, 2009 7:12 pm

    *gasp* 117th comment! lmfao.
    Happy new year Justin! =D

  • Alya
    Jan 01, 2009 12:20 pm

    Ooooh yah I forgot!
    I will go on a hiatus for the next two weeks because of my IGCSE Mocks. I will come back dont worry! lol haha
    Cya. It is all in my blog

  • Alya
    Jan 01, 2009 11:32 am

    YESSS I am really doing a new layout, I don't know when to put it up though. I will after 2 weeks I guess, after my IGCSE Mocks.
    Have a great and a happy new year!!

  • Shellz
    Jan 01, 2009 7:42 am

    Hey Justin!
    Happy New Year! -http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d106/shelly2008/sugarcandynet/happynewyear.png

    By the way, no I didn't see Iron Man, but I want to!!! And Cloverfield was, eh okay. I think the reason I didn't like it much is because I wasn't paying attention really, I was with my best friend, lol. Maybe if I watch it again I'll like it. =D

  • Fia
    Jan 01, 2009 7:03 am

    I guess the part where you get knocked out makes it memorable and unforgettable. lol xD Because even when you're drunk, a part of your consciousness is still awake so you'd still be able to remember a few tidbits of what happened. xD

  • Jay
    Jan 01, 2009 3:43 am

    So like, I just read your blog backwards. Seriously. I'm not that weird.

    New Years eve this year was so bad I rather drink a camel hair smoothie. That's how bad it was. Gr, I don't even care anymore really… Happy New Year.

    I do enjoy the fact that New Years isn't as family oriented and you can actually go murder your own people, and then feel better about it later because you're going to 'change'. Pfft!

    New Year's resolution… To alter more than just ONE thing. My entire life needs to be 'resolved.

  • Laura
    Jan 01, 2009 3:16 am

    I'm not a big drinker and I HATE drunk people! I dont know whats so fun about getting into a state where you dont even know your name?!

  • Chrys
    Jan 01, 2009 2:00 am

    HAHAHA. I laughed out loud at your blog. Honestly I did. It's so true! I didn't get drunk at all this year, but I got completely wasted last year. I hardly remember anything about that night and the stuff that I do remember… I don't really want to.

    Still. Whatever.

    I always make resolutions I don't keep. But I am really going to try and keep them this year… Probably end up failing anyway.

    And no, the lady on the train didn't do her toes!! That would have been terrible. But fingers is bad enough 🙂

  • kay
    Dec 31, 2008 10:01 pm

    haha, don't fret now 😀 Of course I read all of yours! but I do have to refrain sometimes you know, I wouldn't want to bust a bladder ^_^

    aww well that's just really not quite a fair test! I mean, if you hid that inside your blog near the middle or something, then yah it's fair. But at the end hun? Noo, everyone will see that…sort of 😀

    And we humans are just weird like that, it's basically so we can party all we want the night before so then the next day, we start with a clean slate XD

    Happy new years!

  • Mary
    Dec 31, 2008 8:12 pm

    Thanks but what does "Haooy" mean? Kidding I know. Haooy New Year To You Aswell 😛

  • Mary
    Dec 31, 2008 6:47 pm

    Hi Justin. I got a domain so could you please change my link to my new site. Thanks!

  • Minteh
    Dec 31, 2008 5:14 pm

    Dunno. Count down? -tv-

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