09

JAN

Start Every Day With A Smile

My mother always said I should start every day with a smile.

Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s a pretty tough task. When I wake up, my mouth is usually in a frowning position. And no, it’s not because I’m sad. That’s just my face. When I sleep, I have literal resting bitch face.

Frown aside, my mouth is overcoming additional obstacles. Sometimes it’s dry and chapped. Sometimes it’s wet and drooly. Sometimes it’s covered in whipped cream from the kinky night before.

Sorry Mom, but I can’t do it. There’s no possible way for me to follow your advice.

Yes, I suppose I could adjust my face as soon as I’m coherent, but technically, that’s not starting my day with a smile. It doesn’t count.

And besides, I don’t have the acting chops to pull off the switcheroo. Somebody would catch me. Somebody always catches me when I fake things in bed.

Even if I could fool the world with an Oscar-worthy performance, I’d run into other problems. Like, am I supposed to interpret the day literally? Should I be smiling at precisely 12:00 AM?

This is problematic. Most midnights, I’m not even asleep yet. To follow the rules, I’d have to smile before I go to sleep. I would no longer be starting my day in the morning, but rather, I’d be starting my day in the middle of the previous night. I’d be starting my day on the previous day before the previous day even ended, and my bedtime would be my morning. None of this makes any damn sense.

And what if I am asleep at midnight? Unless I develop a habit of sleep-smiling, I’m doomed. I’d have to find a way to physically hold up my smile all night.

Maybe I could duct tape my lips? Maybe I could get Botox injections? Maybe I could hire a magical gnome who watches me in my sleep and touches my face when the time is right?

Bah, I give up. I’m not going to smile. Smiling is overrated. Who even cares if I follow my mother’s advice? I mean, it’s not like this is the first time I disobeyed her. I have “whipped cream” stained sheets to prove it.

What’s the worst that could happen? If I don’t smile, will be consequences? Is this one of those superstition things? Is it like seeing a black cat, walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror with my ugly face?

If I don’t start my day with a smile, will I have bad luck forever? Will I get hurt? Will I fall out of a window? Will I crap my pants?

Maybe this is more serious than I thought. Mom, I’m starting every day with a diaper.

Leave Comment

147 Comments
tiaralynn
Jan 11 11:28 pm

for the past few days i've woken up sick.
</3 otherwise, I wake up surprised and weird.


Alicia
Jan 11 5:51 pm

I'm so terrible with my late reply! *smacks hand with ruler* there.

LOL my mom says that too. I never do. I wake up angry because I wake up… if that makes sense. haha. I enjoy sleep. School ruins my day. It's why I don't wake up with a smile most days.

lolololol don't buy a gnome. You wouldn't be able to sleep with that creepy thing watching you. Leave the gnome in the front lawn. (: or drop it out the window…. of a 10 story building. All better.

What you should do is… place a happy picture in front of your bed and when you wake up it'll be the first thing you see and BAM!!instant smile. Or maybe a cupcake or something.


Saddam
Jan 11 5:40 pm

the sandman 😮


Eunice
Jan 11 4:06 pm

Haha
Amazing blog entry. xD
I think you should use the garden gnome method, because I think it's most effective for smiling the whole day.
But then you have to make sure that he touches your face to smile at exactly 12:00AM.
Good plan good plan.


Lani
Jan 11 2:53 pm

Haha probably, although I am found to be considerably less not-very-nice on the internets


Gillian
Jan 11 1:39 pm

Aww truue!
Your classes sound so much better than mine Geez.
I hate school cause its so amazingly boring atm.


Minteh
Jan 11 12:22 pm

http://ipeedalittle.com/gallimaufry
XD Evil…


Cecelia
Jan 11 12:13 pm

I always thought that it just meant that the first thing I should do when I woke up was to feel in a good mood – but I can see I was wrong. I guess it starts from 12AM – which makes the taping of the mouth a really good idea.

Starting each day with a diaper sounds awesome too.


Vicky
Jan 11 11:56 am

Yeah, I do too 🙂


Gillian
Jan 11 10:50 am

Omg that suuuccks !
What classes you taking ?


Jill
Jan 11 10:09 am

Aw fanks *big doofus smile*


McCain
Jan 11 9:34 am

Incognito o-o


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