09

JAN

Start Every Day With A Smile

My mother always said I should start every day with a smile.

Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s a pretty tough task. When I wake up, my mouth is usually in a frowning position. And no, it’s not because I’m sad. That’s just my face. When I sleep, I have literal resting bitch face.

Frown aside, my mouth is overcoming additional obstacles. Sometimes it’s dry and chapped. Sometimes it’s wet and drooly. Sometimes it’s covered in whipped cream from the kinky night before.

Sorry Mom, but I can’t do it. There’s no possible way for me to follow your advice.

Yes, I suppose I could adjust my face as soon as I’m coherent, but technically, that’s not starting my day with a smile. It doesn’t count.

And besides, I don’t have the acting chops to pull off the switcheroo. Somebody would catch me. Somebody always catches me when I fake things in bed.

Even if I could fool the world with an Oscar-worthy performance, I’d run into other problems. Like, am I supposed to interpret the day literally? Should I be smiling at precisely 12:00 AM?

This is problematic. Most midnights, I’m not even asleep yet. To follow the rules, I’d have to smile before I go to sleep. I would no longer be starting my day in the morning, but rather, I’d be starting my day in the middle of the previous night. I’d be starting my day on the previous day before the previous day even ended, and my bedtime would be my morning. None of this makes any damn sense.

And what if I am asleep at midnight? Unless I develop a habit of sleep-smiling, I’m doomed. I’d have to find a way to physically hold up my smile all night.

Maybe I could duct tape my lips? Maybe I could get Botox injections? Maybe I could hire a magical gnome who watches me in my sleep and touches my face when the time is right?

Bah, I give up. I’m not going to smile. Smiling is overrated. Who even cares if I follow my mother’s advice? I mean, it’s not like this is the first time I disobeyed her. I have “whipped cream” stained sheets to prove it.

What’s the worst that could happen? If I don’t smile, will be consequences? Is this one of those superstition things? Is it like seeing a black cat, walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror with my ugly face?

If I don’t start my day with a smile, will I have bad luck forever? Will I get hurt? Will I fall out of a window? Will I crap my pants?

Maybe this is more serious than I thought. Mom, I’m starting every day with a diaper.

Leave Comment

147 Comments
Meaghan!
Jan 10 5:09 pm

Nah, I don't think you did. I thought it was hilarious when he was young (but he looked old), he was playing with toy soldiers lol.

LMFAO at the two-foot tall gnome XD


Dylan
Jan 10 4:46 pm

I'm good. Sorry for spammin' you. ha. How about yerself?


hitler
Jan 10 3:50 pm

lol. if there was such a class, i wouldn't pass because i wouldnt do homework 😛

idk my grades slip cuhs i can't focus in bio o_o. its like "blahblahblah sex cells divide….blahh—–" 😀


Gillian
Jan 10 3:43 pm

Ohtruuuueee. Thanks for the suggestion ill deff look into it.
So any plans for the weekend ?


Gillian
Jan 10 3:39 pm

Yeah the cbox server, i hate them. They should really get rid of those stupid ass limits.
And thank youu ! 🙂


lillie
Jan 10 3:37 pm

maybe i will, maybe i wont ;o


claire
Jan 10 3:27 pm

i love your blogs. i just have to make sure im only at home when i read them because i just crack up laughing lol.


Kirsty
Jan 10 3:04 pm

Lmao thanks!
Although, it is probably better just to break my knees anyway because I am a really bad driver at the moment, and that is without the snow!

But yeah, in the end the snow had gone for my lesson, so atleast I wasn't sliding all over the place!

I don't get how anyone can wake up with a smile and that is because no one wants to wake up just to go to school/work right?!
Well you MIGHT wake up with a smile if you had a good dream, and you actually got to the end of the dream. But most times you wake up from dreams just before the best part :(.


Vicky
Jan 10 1:42 pm

lmfao bless!

ah damn, i thought it was Sunday for some reason 🙁 Everydays the same to me you see.


Robmarie
Jan 10 1:25 pm

I want a gnome to hold my smile in place while I fall asleep while simultaneously playing melodious tune in his leaf flute!


Dylan
Jan 10 1:03 pm

Nevermind. I like yer content site.


Kat
Jan 10 12:02 pm

Ahaha, you're a hoot (whoa… that sounded better in my head xD)… in human words you're funny.

I don't think I've ever woken up with a smile, I always look as if I have a fat-lip and I've been throwing-up all night… But I should give it a go, although I have a feeling as soon as I step foot on my uni campus it'll be a major frown again.

The diaper idea is brilliant


mandie
Jan 10 11:40 am

yes, I love being back in school. =]
and thank you I am very glad to be back!

when I first went on your site, it caught me off guard a little because it was called "i peed a little" but after that I thought it was funny. and your layout is awesome!

and Im not really sure if you could take what your mom said seriously, cause that would be pretty hard to smile while your asleep… well, atleast if your dreaming about something really really good ;]


Minteh
Jan 10 11:28 am

Everyone sees the doomness!


Kari
Jan 10 10:35 am

Haha, lmao. That was a funny blog. Maybe your mom just means, wake up every day happily. Don't be like, ew why am I awake?!

I've woken up with a smile a few times..well not 12 am but you know. It's weird, but it really does improve my day.


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My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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