CHAINSAW: The Newest Weight Loss Revolution

Millions of people around the world are disappointed by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they do more harm than good with fad diets and expensive surgeries. They care so much about how their bodies look on the outside, that they’re perfectly willing to destroy their bodies on the inside.

If you’re one of these people, then I’ve got the product for you!

Would you like to wear your new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Would you like to get down to a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Would you like to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?

Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to no effort. The newest diet revolution has arrived. Introducing: CHAINSAW.

With CHAINSAW, all your problems are solved. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW program is easy and doesn’t require months of dedication. You will shed pounds in seconds!

After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive a package in the mail within 2-5 business days. Once received, take CHAINSAW out of the box and fire it up. Select the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing (this part may get messy).

Once you’ve completed these simple steps, go to the nearest scale. Take your time and be careful not to slip on any red puddles of “excess pounds.” Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW.

While weighing yourself, you’ll notice an instant difference. Hell, if you stand on the scale long enough, you may even witness the pounds plummeting before your very eyes!

The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific procedure to drop that weight down to nothing.

So what’s the catch? How much does it cost for this miracle product? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best rate in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s exactly what we’re asking for!

Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.

CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.

Leave Comment

Jan 17 12:45 pm

Wow that's an incredibly sadistic look at losing weight. I actually awkwardly shifted in my chair while reading it.

Jan 17 12:43 pm

Lmao nah. Alcohol just makes me sleepy XD I have a vitamin b12 deficiency, and that makes me tired quite a lot, dunno why!

Jan 17 12:39 pm

haha no. its just a lot of the "cool" people at my school are whores.

and Ive actually never been kissed xD

Billie Jean
Jan 17 12:06 pm

LMFAO, That's hilarious.
I'll have to get one of those

Jan 17 8:26 am

HAH HAH ha.. yeah.
well i used to fountain the bath tub water when i was younger, that includes having it in your mouth and then spitting it out :$

Jan 17 8:14 am

Hmmm, I got a C in Business because I really did not bother study for it at all! haha
I hate it. I am sooo lazy when it comes to studying πŸ˜€

Jan 17 7:41 am

oo, a paper? sounds interesing πŸ˜› whats it about?
i'm on bebo, talking to my friends and listening to music.

Jan 17 6:46 am

I'm pretty good, just a bit tired πŸ˜› how about you?

LOL i feel sorry for the person who uses 'chainsaw' xD

Jan 17 5:36 am

Hmmm… classfied!! I am pretty sure that you are doing good πŸ˜€
The C's were: Business and Chamistry. I so hate these two subjects lols haha!

Jan 17 2:54 am

eh nothing really. I totally sucked at the volleyball game today -_- Coach benched me for the next first period. Ugugug. And I dived and cut my knee on one of the sticky up floor boards πŸ™ I've had a very suckish day.


Jan 17 1:27 am

wow I'm so going to look for that!
thanks =]

Jan 17 12:42 am

ha, thanks for the suggestions ^^. I pretty much like them in that order, too, but its LOVE, 3 Days of Peace, Beatles, then Elephant.
No one can beat the Beatles, yo.
yet, I can't decide. By looking at my comments, all of them add up to be about equal for well..votes i guess you couldsay. So yeah, I'm still pretty stuck

Jan 16 11:51 pm

Aw .
what's up?

Jan 16 10:36 pm

But how would the person cut off his second arm? Hmm… maybe a leg… a leg is probably double the arm weight! Weight Loss Solutions: Will cost you an arm and a leg! XD

Jan 16 8:31 pm

lmao, my first time to your site, and all I was thinking was why the hell is this person blogging about a weight loss program, I wasnt even going to read it until i read at the bottom, CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush, so i thought i'd read the rest, and it cracked me up πŸ˜€ good job.


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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