15

JAN

CHAINSAW: The Newest Weight Loss Revolution

Millions of people around the world are disappointed by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they do more harm than good with fad diets and expensive surgeries. They care so much about how their bodies look on the outside, that they’re perfectly willing to destroy their bodies on the inside.

If you’re one of these people, then I’ve got the product for you!

Would you like to wear your new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Would you like to get down to a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Would you like to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?

Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to no effort. The newest diet revolution has arrived. Introducing: CHAINSAW.

With CHAINSAW, all your problems are solved. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW program is easy and doesn’t require months of dedication. You will shed pounds in seconds!

After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive a package in the mail within 2-5 business days. Once received, take CHAINSAW out of the box and fire it up. Select the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing (this part may get messy).

Once you’ve completed these simple steps, go to the nearest scale. Take your time and be careful not to slip on any red puddles of “excess pounds.” Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW.

While weighing yourself, you’ll notice an instant difference. Hell, if you stand on the scale long enough, you may even witness the pounds plummeting before your very eyes!

The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific procedure to drop that weight down to nothing.

So what’s the catch? How much does it cost for this miracle product? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best rate in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s exactly what we’re asking for!

Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.

CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.

Leave Comment

118 Comments
Pocci
Jan 17 8:03 pm

lol, not really πŸ˜›
matchmaker sounds really fun πŸ˜€


Heart
Jan 17 6:56 pm

Haha, that's really funny! I almost thought you were being serious! Nice blog though. Please keep up the great humor!


Sarah
Jan 17 5:52 pm

I guess, haha. Coach looks more at if can jump and smash though unfortunately. πŸ™

How are youuu??

-Sarah


Morphious
Jan 17 5:22 pm

lmaos, i ran out of space on the first column doode πŸ™‚
&& You're sexy too so don't worry o-o.

that picture almost made me crap my pants πŸ˜€


waldi
Jan 17 5:07 pm

That's a little scary.. but okay. :'|


Kirsty
Jan 17 4:47 pm

Haha you should try doing high jumps on the ice and acting at the same time then :). Just the jumps is hard enough :|.
I don't mean like PROPER acting, they just said a few lines here and there, but it was cool :).

LOL don't tell stupid dumb people about the chainsaw method…they might take it seriously!


Laura
Jan 17 3:54 pm

And there was me thinking I had to choose between dieting and exercise!


Nnie
Jan 17 3:42 pm

Planning-to-not-planning-anything?
Okaay I see πŸ˜€


morphious
Jan 17 3:41 pm

yea, i'd like to buy a chainsaw to use on my spanish teacher o-o.


waldi
Jan 17 2:53 pm

I'm very sorry about that. (:


Minteh
Jan 17 2:23 pm

With a CHAINSAW?


Minteh
Jan 17 2:01 pm

-patpat-
It ok. XD


Alicia
Jan 17 1:54 pm

LOL
oh all the times I wish I had one of those fast diet programs. They're all lies. lol.

well, this was amusing. haha. what on earth possessed you to write something so creative?


Vicky
Jan 17 1:23 pm

LOL, I don't fall asleep straight away!!! After I've had quite a lot haha. I get drunk after like 2-3 but takes me a while till I fall asleep XD


Waldi
Jan 17 1:23 pm

Peek-a-boo too? (: XD


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My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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