15

JAN

CHAINSAW: The Newest Weight Loss Revolution

Millions of people around the world are disappointed by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they do more harm than good with extreme fad diets and ridiculous surgeries. These people care so much about how their bodies look on the outside, that they’re perfectly willing to destroy them on the inside.

If you’re one of these people, then I’ve got the product for you!

Would you like to wear your new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Would you like to get down to a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Would you like to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?

Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to absolutely no effort. The newest diet revolution has arrived. Introducing: CHAINSAW.

With CHAINSAW, all your problems are solved. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW program is super easy and doesn’t require months of dedication. You will shed pounds in seconds!

After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive it in the mail within 2-5 business days (shipping may be expensive). Once received, take CHAINSAW out of the packaging and fire it up. Select the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing. This part may get messy.

Once you’ve completed these easy steps, go to the nearest scale. Be careful not to slip on any red puddles of “excess pounds.” Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW.

While weighing yourself, you should notice an instant difference. Hell, if you stand on the scale long enough, you may even notice the pounds plummet before your very eyes!

The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific procedure to drop that weight to almost nothing.

So what’s the catch? How much does it cost for this miracle product? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best rate in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s exactly what we’re asking for!

Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.

CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.

Leave Comment

118 Comments

  • Pocci
    Jan 17, 2009 8:03 pm

    lol, not really 😛
    matchmaker sounds really fun 😀


  • Heart
    Jan 17, 2009 6:56 pm

    Haha, that's really funny! I almost thought you were being serious! Nice blog though. Please keep up the great humor!


  • Sarah
    Jan 17, 2009 5:52 pm

    I guess, haha. Coach looks more at if can jump and smash though unfortunately. 🙁

    How are youuu??

    -Sarah


  • Morphious
    Jan 17, 2009 5:22 pm

    lmaos, i ran out of space on the first column doode 🙂
    && You're sexy too so don't worry o-o.

    that picture almost made me crap my pants 😀


  • waldi
    Jan 17, 2009 5:07 pm

    That's a little scary.. but okay. :'|


  • Kirsty
    Jan 17, 2009 4:47 pm

    Haha you should try doing high jumps on the ice and acting at the same time then :). Just the jumps is hard enough :|.
    I don't mean like PROPER acting, they just said a few lines here and there, but it was cool :).

    LOL don't tell stupid dumb people about the chainsaw method…they might take it seriously!


  • Laura
    Jan 17, 2009 3:54 pm

    And there was me thinking I had to choose between dieting and exercise!


  • Nnie
    Jan 17, 2009 3:42 pm

    Planning-to-not-planning-anything?
    Okaay I see 😀


  • morphious
    Jan 17, 2009 3:41 pm

    yea, i'd like to buy a chainsaw to use on my spanish teacher o-o.


  • waldi
    Jan 17, 2009 2:53 pm

    I'm very sorry about that. (:


  • Minteh
    Jan 17, 2009 2:23 pm

    With a CHAINSAW?


  • Minteh
    Jan 17, 2009 2:01 pm

    -patpat-
    It ok. XD


  • Alicia
    Jan 17, 2009 1:54 pm

    LOL
    oh all the times I wish I had one of those fast diet programs. They're all lies. lol.

    well, this was amusing. haha. what on earth possessed you to write something so creative?


  • Vicky
    Jan 17, 2009 1:23 pm

    LOL, I don't fall asleep straight away!!! After I've had quite a lot haha. I get drunk after like 2-3 but takes me a while till I fall asleep XD


  • Waldi
    Jan 17, 2009 1:23 pm

    Peek-a-boo too? (: XD


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    My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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