I Feel So Alienated

In my experience, first dates are awkward. When I barely know the other person, it becomes a struggle to keep the conversation going. Inevitably, I run out of things to say and there’s a long pause where no one talks. I hate that silence. It sends mixed signals, makes everyone uncomfortable, and, most importantly, provides no background noise to mask my farts.

For those reasons, I prepare questions in advance. A first date with me becomes a full-fledged interrogation. My favorite question to ask is “what are you afraid of?” It’s a fantastic icebreaker. You can learn a lot about a person from their fears.

Fears reveal vulnerabilities and pain. They make us relatable. In the past, my soon-to-be boyfriends mentioned spiders, heights, and even death. One dude said he was afraid of the mystery meat in school cafeterias. That date would have gone much better if I hadn’t already ordered meatloaf.

All these fears make sense to me. They’re practical and life-saving. Being fearful of “tall buildings” and “rotten foods” can keep you safe. Sadly, my fear doesn’t follow the same logic. It’s bizarre, and it’s unlikely to ever protect me. It spooks me. It keeps me up at night. It makes me suck my thumb and hide under my blanky.

So now you’re probably wondering “what on Earth scares him so much?” Well, quit thinking so narrow-minded. My fear isn’t on Earth. My fear is literally out of this world. I’m afraid of aliens.

To clarify, I’m talking about the aliens that come from outer-space. I’m not talking about the aliens that come from, say, Cuba.

Aliens totally freak me out. Especially the cliché, cartoony ones. I don’t care if they come in peace. They need to back off with their big black eyes, giant green heads, and awkwardly elongated arms.

When I look at pictures of them, I feel a strange discomfort. Maybe I was abducted in the past or somethi… oh dear god, WHERE IS MY BLANKY?!

When an alien pops up in a movie, I don’t just pee a little. I pee so much I have nothing left inside of me and deflate like an inflatable mattress. When I was younger, the film E.T. the Extraterrestrial scared the living air out of me.

Seriously. That movie destroyed me. I was always on edge, because one of the lamps in our living room made a shadow that resembled his glowing hand and turdish body. One night, I had a terrible nightmare and woke up screaming, “E.T. tried to finger me!”

Stupid dreams have always been a part of my childhood. I had recurring nightmares about those talking M&M mascots. Instead of me trying to eat them, they were always trying to eat me. In retrospect, for all the trauma they put me through, those talking M&Ms can bite me.

Being afraid of “the M&M people” kind of makes sense. I mean, M&Ms are a registered trademark of the Mars snack-food company. Yes, Mars like Martians. What if the connection isn’t a coincidence? What if our planet has already been invaded?

We must fight back with another bite-sized candy. I’d suggest Reese’s Pieces, but we all know E.T. loves them.

Leave Comment

Feb 18 12:16 pm

I know! It's scary, but people already have. Do you remember those skinheads? Granted they weren't very intelligent in their approach but still, they were plotting (like trixie little hobbitses lol)

Feb 18 11:14 am

Oh birthday plans. cool.
I just finished installing fanupdate and I am going to put up my new blog right away!

Feb 18 9:36 am

Yeah, I agree. I liked Rihanna more, though, and I have her newest CD, but it seems weird now listening to it.
And aha, it would have a lot of punching. XD

Feb 18 7:59 am

My blogs are always like that unless I'm actually talking about something. So not very often haha :3

I love Child's Play, it just scares me after it's finished. I want a Chucky and Tiff doll though, but they're really expensive D;

Feb 18 7:33 am

It would be yeah! If a tree started talking to me then I would be running for the nearest… uh.. place that doesn't have trees.

Feb 18 6:12 am

Yah I know. As I said silly me XD
I am trying to get over my fear. It gets sooo silly sometimes hehe.
Anywhoo, how are you?

Feb 18 5:40 am

Nah, it's not back on yet, but I think it comes on again soon. 🙂


Feb 18 5:16 am

That's a special phobia. I've realized that I have a phobia of octopuses (sp?). I can't watch them on TV and if there's a picture of one in a book I quickly turn the page. I think they're disgusting.

Feb 18 2:31 am

um anyway what r u doing right now?

Feb 18 12:14 am

A rather kooky phobia… ever thought about having an alien themed party to overcome it?

Feb 18 12:10 am

I am not really scared of Hollywood aliens, but the fact that there could be a entity watching me from the sky. That, and the episodes in Unsolved Mysteries that involve aliens. I get this weird feeling that I am being watched and shut ALL of the windows in my home. So, I guess you are not alone on this thought.

Feb 17 10:49 pm

Haha, really now? 😛
Well I really don't know what I wanna major in. I wanna study web design & psychology (sp?).

Feb 17 9:52 pm

Thanks for answering the questions 😛
A Justin shrine?! :0 No way lol. Too much work.
Oooh, that's pretty cool (: What's your major?
Hurrah for birthday blogs :]

Feb 17 9:44 pm

Lol, that's kinda cool. You guys met on MySpace & live 5 minutes away from each other 😀 How awesome is that?
You look fine in that picture XD I look like crap in pictures :0
Happy early birthday! (:

Feb 17 8:54 pm

You have a point there about small spiders…but we eat spiders in our sleep did you know?

I really don't want that to be true but thats what I heard. And we eat at least 6 parts of a cockroach each time we eat a chocolate bar…or something like that. But we eat cockroaches along with the chocolate.


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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