I Feel So Alienated

In my experience, first dates are awkward. When I barely know the other person, it’s a struggle to keep the conversation going. Inevitably, I give up and there’s a long pause where no one is talking. I hate that silence. It sends mixed signals, makes everyone uncomfortable, and provides no background noise to mask my burps and farts.

For that reason, I prepare questions in advance. A first date with me becomes a full-fledged interrogation. My favorite question to ask is, “What are you afraid of?” It’s a fantastic icebreaker. You can learn a lot about a guy from his fears.

Fears reveal vulnerabilities and pain. They make it easier to connect. In the past, guys have mentioned spiders, heights, and even death. One dude said he was afraid of the mystery meat in school cafeterias. That date went well until I ordered the meatloaf.

All these fears make sense to me. They’re practical and life-saving. Being fearful of tall buildings or rotten food can keep you safe. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing about my fear. My fear is bizarre and unlikely to ever protect me. It spooks me. It keeps me up at night. It makes me suck my thumb and hide under my blanky.

So now you’re probably wondering, “What on Earth scares him so much?” Well, quit being so narrow-minded. My fear isn’t on Earth. My fear is literally out of this world. I’m afraid of aliens.

To specify, I’m talking about the aliens that come from outer-space. I’m not talking about the aliens that come from, say, Cuba.

I don’t care if they come in peace. Aliens totally freak me out. Especially the cliché, cartoony aliens. I don’t like their big black eyes, giant green heads, or awkwardly elongated arms. When I look at pictures of them, I feel a strange discomfort. I don’t know why. Maybe I was abducted in the past or somethi… oh dear god, WHERE IS MY BLANKY?!

When an alien pops up in a movie, I don’t just pee a little; I pee until I have nothing left inside of me and deflate like an inflatable mattress. When I was younger, the film E.T. the Extraterrestrial scared the living air out of me.

Seriously. That movie destroyed me. I’d always be on edge, because one of the lamps in our living room made a shadow that resembled his glowing hand and turdish body. One night, I had a terrible nightmare and woke up screaming, “E.T. tried to finger me!” Yeah… not one of my proudest moments.

Stupid dreams have always been a part of my childhood. I also had recurring nightmares about those talking M&M mascots. Instead of me trying to eat them, they were constantly trying to eat me

Looking back on it, being afraid of the “M&M people” makes sense. I mean, M&M’s are a registered trademark of the Mars snack-food company. Mars… like Martians! What if the connection isn’t a coincidence? What if our planet has already been invaded?

We must fight back with another bite-sized candy! I’d suggest Reese’s Pieces, but we all know E.T. loves them.

Leave Comment


  • Lani
    Feb 18, 2009 12:16 pm

    I know! It's scary, but people already have. Do you remember those skinheads? Granted they weren't very intelligent in their approach but still, they were plotting (like trixie little hobbitses lol)

  • Alya
    Feb 18, 2009 11:14 am

    Oh birthday plans. cool.
    I just finished installing fanupdate and I am going to put up my new blog right away!

  • Niki
    Feb 18, 2009 9:36 am

    Yeah, I agree. I liked Rihanna more, though, and I have her newest CD, but it seems weird now listening to it.
    And aha, it would have a lot of punching. XD

  • Sarah
    Feb 18, 2009 7:59 am

    My blogs are always like that unless I'm actually talking about something. So not very often haha :3

    I love Child's Play, it just scares me after it's finished. I want a Chucky and Tiff doll though, but they're really expensive D;

  • Ben
    Feb 18, 2009 7:33 am

    It would be yeah! If a tree started talking to me then I would be running for the nearest… uh.. place that doesn't have trees.

  • Alya
    Feb 18, 2009 6:12 am

    Yah I know. As I said silly me XD
    I am trying to get over my fear. It gets sooo silly sometimes hehe.
    Anywhoo, how are you?

  • Amy
    Feb 18, 2009 5:40 am

    Nah, it's not back on yet, but I think it comes on again soon. 🙂


  • Sandra
    Feb 18, 2009 5:16 am

    That's a special phobia. I've realized that I have a phobia of octopuses (sp?). I can't watch them on TV and if there's a picture of one in a book I quickly turn the page. I think they're disgusting.

  • Nnie
    Feb 18, 2009 2:31 am

    um anyway what r u doing right now?

  • Monica
    Feb 18, 2009 12:14 am

    A rather kooky phobia… ever thought about having an alien themed party to overcome it?

  • Nile
    Feb 18, 2009 12:10 am

    I am not really scared of Hollywood aliens, but the fact that there could be a entity watching me from the sky. That, and the episodes in Unsolved Mysteries that involve aliens. I get this weird feeling that I am being watched and shut ALL of the windows in my home. So, I guess you are not alone on this thought.

  • Meaghan!
    Feb 17, 2009 10:49 pm

    Haha, really now? 😛
    Well I really don't know what I wanna major in. I wanna study web design & psychology (sp?).

  • Meaghan!
    Feb 17, 2009 9:52 pm

    Thanks for answering the questions 😛
    A Justin shrine?! :0 No way lol. Too much work.
    Oooh, that's pretty cool (: What's your major?
    Hurrah for birthday blogs :]

  • Meaghan!
    Feb 17, 2009 9:44 pm

    Lol, that's kinda cool. You guys met on MySpace & live 5 minutes away from each other 😀 How awesome is that?
    You look fine in that picture XD I look like crap in pictures :0
    Happy early birthday! (:

  • Ariel
    Feb 17, 2009 8:54 pm

    You have a point there about small spiders…but we eat spiders in our sleep did you know?

    I really don't want that to be true but thats what I heard. And we eat at least 6 parts of a cockroach each time we eat a chocolate bar…or something like that. But we eat cockroaches along with the chocolate.

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