Bada Bop Ba Ba… I’m Lovin’ Shit

In the mood for a classy date, my boyfriend and I headed to McDonalds. I know, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air — A love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened — something tragic — something disturbing, nauseating, and surprisingly, a tad bit amusing. It happened while we were seated in one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids.

Let me set the scene. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat; which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of a coloring sheet. Hmph.

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open, revealing a fat, hairy man with no shirt on. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table; his arm fat flailing through the air.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the “linoleum.” With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters lower. I looked up just in time to see his lovely ass crack.

Once he was in the bathroom, the two of us looked at each other and spontaneously broke into laughter. What the hell just happened? Picking up the conversation, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped his pants.”

I smiled at his remark and began to look around the room; hoping to see funny reactions from other people who had witnessed the spectacle.

Unfortunately, something else caught my attention. I noticed something on the ground. After leaning in and getting a good whiff, I realized it was a turd. Well, it was more like a river of poo leading to the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the brown ickyness, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

At this McDonald’s, we did not put a smile on.

Leave Comment


  • Freddy
    Mar 22, 2018 6:00 am

    Quality articles is the crucial to attract the people to
    go to see the website, that’s what this site is providing.

  • Greg
    Jun 28, 2009 2:48 am

    That has to be the funniest thing i have ever read in my entire life!!

    I somehow wish i was there, but then again the river of poo has somehow put me off ever venturing into MackieDees again!

    From Greg

  • Jackie
    Jun 25, 2009 8:07 am

    That's HILARIOUS!! Like I would have gotten up and moved but still would have been laughing with that Happy Meal in my hand. Too bad for him though eh?

  • stepherz
    Jun 24, 2009 7:49 pm

    That has to be the most entertaining blog I have read all day. Why can't interesting things like that ever happen to me? Though… maybe poop isn't the most exciting thing ever. I'd hate to be the worker that has to clean that up…

  • Dontravious
    Jun 24, 2009 4:55 pm

    LMFAO that was funny bur also not a good experience to eat with it. I hope that wasn't really poop on the floor haha I can't stop lmaoing loma but yeah gross but also funny

  • milu
    Jun 24, 2009 2:05 pm

    hahaha…well actually i dont like macdonals hehe, so much kids ,and i dont like that funny man haha , your story is soo funny ^^

  • Camila
    Jun 24, 2009 1:30 pm

    When I saw the title of your website, I couldn't help but see what it was about haha.

    I really like your post ๐Ÿ™‚ it reminds me of how my boyfriend always jokes that he's going to take me on a date to McDonalds (for Valentine's Day and such). Actually, this year some had a Valentine's Day set-up apparently.. It's funny to think of it as a place for a romantic date ๐Ÿ˜›

    I can't imagine what it must be like to be eating and have some crazy, half-naked man run past you . And on top of that, leave something behind to be remembered by..

    At least you got a story out of it ! This was definitely one of the most entertaining posts I've read in a while ๐Ÿ™‚
    At least you

  • Regina
    Jun 24, 2009 10:36 am

    No more colouring pages?! NOOOOOO!
    But seriously… LOLOL. That is hilarious

  • Sophie
    Jun 24, 2009 9:42 am

    Thanks so much for reviewing me on rev.iew.me, it was a great review ๐Ÿ™‚

    Your blog is hilarious, haha. I hate McDonald's, it's always full of little kids, there's never any seats, the food's not great anyway and it's dirty >_< Yours even more so now by the sounds of it, haha!

  • Axi
    Jun 23, 2009 3:53 am

    That's freaking awesome! The irony in this post had me chuckling the entire time I read it.

  • Chiui
    Jun 21, 2009 7:11 am

    hahaha lol! eww! youre in mcdonald's and suddenly that situation comes up and..omg. i cant say anything. hahaha!! i would die grossed out. XD

  • Justin R.
    Jun 20, 2009 12:14 am

    Do you make these stories up? Seriously? That's too much. lol

  • Trish
    Jun 19, 2009 7:22 pm

    No coloring page, WFT?! No, dammit! Anyway, HOLY CRAP. No pun intended. I kinda feel bad for him. ๐Ÿ™ But it's still funny…and…gross. Very gross. That's like the time when my class mate shit himself in the hallway and my friend stepped in it. That's something you never forget. Good times.
    And I KNEW I wasn't the only one who though that clown was a perv!

  • Setsanto
    Jun 19, 2009 5:30 pm

    Though insanely disgusting, that was also an extremely amusing story haha.

  • Davina
    Jun 19, 2009 1:58 pm

    Damn that was fucking hilarious.

  • About

    My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I havenโ€™t been myself ever since I was born.

    Stay In Touch

    Enjoy what you've seen? Feel free to follow me on social media! I'm so thankful to live in a time where we can use social media instead of social skills.
    © Copyright 2012 - 2019 Justin Hanks , All Rights Reserved.