Ba Da Ba Ba Bah, I’m Lovin’ Shit

In the mood for a romantic night out, my boyfriend and I headed to the local McDonald’s. Yes, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air. It was a love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened. Something tragic happened. It was something disturbing, nauseating, and maybe even a little amusing.

Let me set the scene. We were seated at one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat, which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of fun coloring activities. Not cool.

Our date was off to a great start. Soon, however, we were interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open. We flipped our heads to the sight of a large, hairy man with no shirt and visible McGriddle nipples. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table. His arms flailed behind him like he was possessed by Spongebob SquarePants.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the linoleum. With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters closer and closer to the floor. Unfortunately, as he flopped around, my eyes naturally gravitated to his gaping ass crack.

Once he had disappeared into the bathroom, the two of us looked back at each other. At first we were silent, but it wasn’t long until we broke out into spontaneous laughter. I mean, what the hell had just happened? Was that normal? Should we get help?

Once we’d caught our breath, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped himself.” I giggled at his remark and began looking around the room. I was hoping to see other people laughing at the spectacle, but unfortunately, something else caught my attention first. There was something on the ground beside our table.

I leaned in to see what it was. At first, I was stumped, but then it hit me. Or, well, at least the smell hit me. I suddenly regretted the whole McDonald’s date night. It had literally turned shitty. For there in front of me was a river of poo flowing toward the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the giant turds, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

Panic mode set in as we jumped out of our seats. We made our way to the counter, all the while playing a riveting game of dodge poo. I flagged down an employee and quickly described the situation. I kid you not, she responded with “not again.”

At this McDonald’s, she did not put a smile on.

Leave Comment

Jun 13 6:18 am

Yeah! You saw actual shit. Wait, everyone sees actual shit some time in their lives… your experience was just one to laugh at. HEHEHE.

Poo. Excrement. Faeces.

OMG. My favourite one is FECAL MATTER. Maybe because it was an old Nirvana demo cassette, but LOVE IT. Not fecal matter, but the words fecal matter. LOL

Jun 13 6:16 am

That's good! Foulness in it's purest form XD

Jun 13 5:50 am

Stupid fatass ruined your moment! Or did he make it… better? Not with the shit on the floor I suppose, I would've barfed!! FOUL!
Thanks, Georgina's satisfied. Lol.

Jun 13 5:32 am

EURGH, what the fuck. That's just plain nasty.

I would of cried with laughter and then creid more from the pain of laugher so hard. I can't believe he did that.

Only in america.

And omg, your site has changed a lot recently, you offer so many differennt things now. πŸ˜€ Excellenta! How's things?

Jun 13 5:27 am

So much for the happy romantic meal.
Did you happen to have smelled anything? ;p

Oh, and about your comment — I wasn't able to enroll myself in one subject that I should be having. But I already went to the office and I'mma re enroll by Monday. So it's all gunna be fixed. πŸ™‚

Jun 13 5:19 am

Awwn, thanks. πŸ™‚
Balloons are cute? First time I ever heard that one. xD

LOL, so romantic.
But then… EWW. Freaking fat guy, sprinting to mcdonalds to take nice crap. *Shivers @ shit on ground*

Jun 13 5:16 am

Haha well you should see how much junk food I buy now @__@

Haha glad it did! LOL. Shit. XD

Jun 13 5:15 am

You want me to get punished? *e-slap* but I got the embarrassment, especially my crush was sitting next to me that time and she witnessed my dumbness πŸ™

Jun 13 4:47 am

There was an awkward silence for a moment but I didn't get what is going on. Everyone was sharing glances, some were glared at me and my best friends were laughing out loud -_- the teacher stared at me deeply and I thought my teacher came after I said that. I didn't get it at all… until when the exam was done, my friends talked to me about that πŸ™ Luckily the teacher didn't do anything πŸ˜›

Jun 13 4:39 am

HUH? My mum did not starve me!!! If anything, she gives me more food than fits in my stomach! :O

Ah, happy meals. I usually only got them for the toy. πŸ˜›

LOL……. WTF. Hahahahahahahha.

That is epic scary, and epic lol. I'm so sorry you had to see that shit. Literally. T_T

Jun 13 4:28 am

Nothing interesting in my life :S Ugh. My life is boring and sucks like that. But something stupid happened on the Citizenship exam. Well when the teacher went outside the class everyone was sharing their answers. Then the teacher came inside but I didn't notice it. So I asked loudly "GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE ANSWER OF NUMBER 22?" :'( Random I know.

Jun 13 4:03 am

Thanks (: Oh… Haha I guess you're into Physics then. A lot? πŸ˜‰ Well that's what makes the world go round eh? πŸ˜› Thanks so much!! And thanks for the comment! =)

Haha that man sounds scary. Wouldn't want to get in his way again! =/

Jun 13 3:50 am

You're using CuteNews? I didn't even realize that!

Jun 13 2:50 am

Lol mwahhaah that man sounds like Godzila or something worse

Jun 13 12:21 am

wow. that's like king kong running into maccas but scarier haha.


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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