Bada Bop Ba Ba… I’m Lovin’ Shit

In the mood for a classy date, my boyfriend and I headed to McDonalds. I know, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air — A love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened — something tragic — something disturbing, nauseating, and surprisingly, a tad bit amusing. It happened while we were seated in one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids.

Let me set the scene. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat; which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of a coloring sheet. Hmph.

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open, revealing a fat, hairy man with no shirt on. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table; his arm fat flailing through the air.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the “linoleum.” With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters lower. I looked up just in time to see his lovely ass crack.

Once he was in the bathroom, the two of us looked at each other and spontaneously broke into laughter. What the hell just happened? Picking up the conversation, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped his pants.”

I smiled at his remark and began to look around the room; hoping to see funny reactions from other people who had witnessed the spectacle.

Unfortunately, something else caught my attention. I noticed something on the ground. After leaning in and getting a good whiff, I realized it was a turd. Well, it was more like a river of poo leading to the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the brown ickyness, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

At this McDonald’s, we did not put a smile on.

Leave Comment


  • Eka
    Jun 16, 2009 6:51 am

    Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!
    That's disgusting! Repulsive! VOMITROCIOUS!

    And that pisses me off, every time I go to a restaurant, the place mat has been defaced with information and nutrition facts! I want to color on it with extremely waxy crayons!

    Happy meals are awesome, by the way. Especially when they come in the cute little paperboard boxes with the cartoons characters on them. It's just not the same in a paper bag! Where's the happy in that? If they're going to put it in a bag, they should just call it a monotonous meal. At least that alliterates.

  • Gillan
    Jun 16, 2009 4:40 am

    Haha,i'm okay,how are you?

  • Aimee
    Jun 16, 2009 4:36 am

    Omg!!! That is seriously disturbing! I would scream if that was me lol

  • Bre
    Jun 15, 2009 7:14 pm

    OH. MY. GOD. That is SO disturbing. I don't know if I can ever go to a Mcdonalds again.. at least for awhile. Not that I go there often. Maybe for their 49 cent cones though aha. Anyway, this blog was very very amusing, so thanks for that!

    I'm back from camping! SO, I'll blog with some pictures asap. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Desiree
    Jun 15, 2009 7:56 am

    Hey, maybe you'll get nominated – ya never know ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I love me some Mickey D's breakfast food. Sausage McGriddles, yesss.

    Great story, it really made me laugh!

  • kitty
    Jun 15, 2009 6:40 am

    'what the fuck' moments are awesome, yours is just too creepy.

  • Lee
    Jun 15, 2009 1:05 am

    I doubt your house is made of bamboo!!

  • AnneMarie
    Jun 14, 2009 8:18 pm

    Christian Bale? Why no him? Hahaha, do you not like him or something?

  • Nnie
    Jun 14, 2009 3:22 pm

    Okay… but why *lately* people poo in the wrong place… maybe toilets aren't comfortable anymore :S

  • Sandra
    Jun 14, 2009 2:19 pm

    Oh My God! Talk about pathetic too poo on the floor of McDonald's. There are classier places to poo on.

  • Kate
    Jun 14, 2009 2:06 pm

    Mmhhmm. *nods head* WordPress is my best friend. Maybe I do need to get out more? xD

  • Jay
    Jun 14, 2009 1:45 pm

    oh god. you don't know how hard it is to unread some things x.x
    i don't think i needed that mental image in my mind.
    thanks for that ๐Ÿ™‚

    mcdonalds just isn't sanitary. lets end it there.

    and thanks for the comment on my layout ๐Ÿ˜€ im glad you like it.

  • Taversia
    Jun 14, 2009 1:12 pm

    OH MY GOD. GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! X__X;;; lmfao… I would SO have lost my appetite after something like that.. *shudders*

    This is officially the most horrible (and awesome) thing I've ever read on a blog. Ever.

    lmao… UGH… *shudders*

  • Amanda
    Jun 14, 2009 12:24 pm

    the newest one is the vanessa one! I'm glad you liked them! I love the colors of the vanessa one as well!

  • Jen
    Jun 14, 2009 11:54 am


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