Ba Da Ba Ba Bah, I’m Lovin’ Shit

In the mood for a romantic night out, my boyfriend and I headed to the local McDonald’s. Yes, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air. It was a love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened. Something tragic happened. It was something disturbing, nauseating, and maybe even a little amusing.

Let me set the scene. We were seated at one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat, which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of fun coloring activities. Not cool.

Our date was off to a great start. Soon, however, we were interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open. We flipped our heads to the sight of a large, hairy man with no shirt and visible McGriddle nipples. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table. His arms flailed behind him like he was possessed by Spongebob SquarePants.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the linoleum. With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters closer and closer to the floor. Unfortunately, as he flopped around, my eyes naturally gravitated to his gaping ass crack.

Once he had disappeared into the bathroom, the two of us looked back at each other. At first we were silent, but it wasn’t long until we broke out into spontaneous laughter. I mean, what the hell had just happened? Was that normal? Should we get help?

Once we’d caught our breath, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped himself.” I giggled at his remark and began looking around the room. I was hoping to see other people laughing at the spectacle, but unfortunately, something else caught my attention first. There was something on the ground beside our table.

I leaned in to see what it was. At first, I was stumped, but then it hit me. Or, well, at least the smell hit me. I suddenly regretted the whole McDonald’s date night. It had literally turned shitty. For there in front of me was a river of poo flowing toward the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the giant turds, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

Panic mode set in as we jumped out of our seats. We made our way to the counter, all the while playing a riveting game of dodge poo. I flagged down an employee and quickly described the situation. I kid you not, she responded with “not again.”

At this McDonald’s, she did not put a smile on.

Leave Comment

Jun 19 1:13 pm

Sorry, I know I've been gone forever but I'm finally back. I didn't have internet connection till now.

I swear you should write a book or something… Hahaha, the way you set the scene, -phew- lol.

How dare they replace the colouring page with nutritional facts.. then again in HK they never had a colouring page to begin with, so be happy you ever had one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Oh my lord. I think I would have peed a little… hehehe… 😀

And sorry, I can't find an RSS feed for my blogs. I'm just that dumb. Maybe I don't have one? I dunno… I should. Hrm, I'll try and find out how to find it but I'm not making any promises.

Jun 19 4:31 am

The guess the movie was too hard, nobody got it lol so I just put a new one up! I also bought a new domain so I'm happy today!

Jun 18 9:35 pm

This is better then the time my friend told me that all guys have tried to give themselves a blowjob.
*Stares and giggles* ^_____^

Jun 18 4:55 pm

that is very discusting!!
well could you plase change my link on the buddies:) i got a new site!!


Jun 18 2:12 pm

That's so freaking disgusting!!

Btw, I think it's good that they are finally publishing their food's "nutritional facts". I'd much rather know how many calories and grams of fat I'm ingesting that some coloring space or whatever.

Jun 18 11:17 am

Yuck! That is just disgusting and I am glad I didn't see that.
Here's hoping it hasn't left you mentally scarred! o;

Jun 18 2:34 am

i tagged you , sorry 🙂
(mine will be up later if you see this before i put it on)
also i got a new twitter.

Jun 17 11:08 pm

The thing about this blog that saddens me extremely is the fact that the coloring area on the paper placement is GONE. :((

I wonder where that fat dude came from and how long he's been holding his crap in.

Jun 17 10:26 pm

Holy CRAP.

Jun 17 1:55 pm

LOOOOL!!!!! Hahaha, that must have been one scary and messed up 'what the fuck' moment. Haha. I wonder what was wrong with the fat hairy guy, not everyday that happens you know. But seriously that was just too funny xD

Jun 17 10:01 am

Lmao! Ewww! I was about to go eat dinner when I read that, not anymore! Don't think I'll eat anything for the rest of the day, LOL. I'm glad I didn't have to go in the bathroom after him! Sheesh.

Jun 17 6:57 am

Wtf, you saw poop on the floor? Ugh…. I think I've lost my appetite for the entire day. lol

And that man sounded gross. O.o

Jun 16 3:30 pm

That is an awesome WTF moment! It's disturbing though, that guy sounds totally creepy!

Jun 16 3:27 pm

What a beautiful moment. I bet his Momma is so proud of him..

Jun 16 8:29 am

Hello. I wanted to apologize for being off the internet scene for a bit. But, now it's Summer and I'm back.

This is also an affiliate check – thank you for keeping my link up 🙂


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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