The Truth In Advertising

The marketing industry has its fair share of bullshit. From “Do-Nothing” infomercials to self-proclaimed “Gurus,” businesses are always plotting to beat you up and take your lunch money.

Well personally, I think it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. If people are begging you for cash, they clearly don’t know how to get rich fast.

And while we’re at it, there’s no such thing as getting a free iPhone. If time is money, then 50 billion hours of online surveys is not free.

Yes, I’ll concede that there’s some truth in advertising. Hell, I’ll even say that pharmaceutical commercials are too honest. I mean, have you ever even see those commercials? They start off okay with a breezy montage of people who now have something to live for, but then you’re suddenly socked with a full list of cautions…

“RELAXOFT may cause nose bleeds, baldness, memory loss, swollen ankles, facial boils, excessive earwax, uncontrollable cursing, an urge to play in the mud, road-rage, snoring while awake, lying under oath, atheism, and a desire to spit at small pets.”

Well shit. Next time, I think I’ll just take the headache.

And all of these unintended side-effects make for some bizarre interactions. Like, if I wake up one morning feeling sick, and my significant other tries to give me medicine, should I fight him? Should I slap it out of his hand? Like, the medicine probably caused the sickness in the first place. It certainly won’t make me pill better.

And yes, while I gave pharmaceutical commercials credit for being somewhat honest, they’re not entirely off the hook. In many other ways, they’re just as confusing and misleading. For instance, they’re usually featuring scenes that have absolutely nothing to do with the product.

Vagisil commercials have girls doing cheerleading routines. Male enhancement commercials have guys playing golf. Every herpes commercials can be summed up as: “I have herpes.” “I don’t.” “Let’s ride bicycles.”

When it comes to medication, I don’t pay much attention to the advertisements. It’s best to let the doctors decide what’s right for me. They usually know what they’re talking about. Well, emphasis on usually. I once had a doctor whose office plants were always dead. I couldn’t help but wonder if I could trust him with my life.

Leave Comment

Jun 30 8:33 am

Hehe, so true. Most pharmaceutical commercials are 20 seconds of cautions and warnings and only 10 seconds of what the drug is good for.
LOL I haven't seen that herpes commercial yet, but "let's ride bicycles" ?!
Regarding the links, I'll put yours up right away 🙂

Jun 30 7:53 am

haha, i always get a kick out of those commercials with the 9583409238 side effects. "oh, and there is a chance of death." or something crazy like that. um, no thanks! i guess they have to tell you that, though.

Jun 29 11:11 pm

Aw, only my exam went bad, but the course was pretty fun sometimes!
I wish there were such things as free iPods, but there are no free iPods. Just really nice ones for $400. 🙁 Haha, I've seen those commercials where they talk about the side effects! And they say it pretty fast and softly so you might not hear it.

Jun 29 8:57 pm

Ahaha, there were 123 comments. >.< Until I posted. I ruined the awesomeness.

xD No fair.

Jun 29 6:55 pm

Hahahaha, I love your list of side effects. If any medication I took listed those, then yeah, I'd rather stay sick. Spitting at small pets = not cool.

Jun 29 6:27 pm

I was reading the last line of your blog really fast and thought it said "I had a doctor whose pants were always down".

I was about to suggest therapy.

…..Let's link exchange!

Jun 29 4:09 pm

Lmao. Yeah the one thing about drug commercials is like half the time, the side effects are worse than the actual problem…or the problem is one of the side effects o-o

PS I love that herpes commercial!


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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