The Truth in Advertising

The marketing industry has its fair share of bullshit. From “Do-Nothing” infomercials to self-proclaimed “Gurus,” businesses are always plotting to beat you up and take your lunch money.

It’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. If people are begging for your cash, they clearly don’t know how to get rich fast.

Oh, and for the record, there is no such thing as a free iPod. If time is money, then 50 billion hours of online surveys is way too expensive.

I suppose there’s some truth in advertising. In fact, pharmaceutical commercials are a little too honest. Have you ever see these commercials? Following a breezy montage of people who now have something to live for, you’re usually socked with a full list of cautions…

RELAXOFT may cause nose bleeds, baldness, memory loss, swollen ankles, facial boils, excessive earwax, uncontrollable cursing, an urge to play in the mud, road-rage, snoring while awake, lying under oath, atheism, and a desire to spit at small pets.”

Well damn. Next time I think I’ll keep the headache.

All these side-effects make for some awkward conversations. I can only imagine waking up one morning feeling like total crap and my mom decides to check on me. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Uhh… I took medicine.”

The honesty in pharmaceutical commercials is also confusing. Usually what’s on the television has absolutely nothing to do with the product.

Vagisil commercials have girls doing cheer-leading routines. Male enhancement commercials have guys playing golf. My personal favorite are the herpes commercials: “I have herpes.” “I don’t.” “Let’s ride bicycles.”

When it comes to medication, it’s best to let the doctors decide. They usually know what they’re talking about. Usually.

For a while, I had a doctor whose office plants were always dead. How the hell was I supposed to trust him with my life?

Leave Comment

Jun 30 8:33 am

Hehe, so true. Most pharmaceutical commercials are 20 seconds of cautions and warnings and only 10 seconds of what the drug is good for.
LOL I haven't seen that herpes commercial yet, but "let's ride bicycles" ?!
Regarding the links, I'll put yours up right away 🙂

Jun 30 7:53 am

haha, i always get a kick out of those commercials with the 9583409238 side effects. "oh, and there is a chance of death." or something crazy like that. um, no thanks! i guess they have to tell you that, though.

Jun 29 11:11 pm

Aw, only my exam went bad, but the course was pretty fun sometimes!
I wish there were such things as free iPods, but there are no free iPods. Just really nice ones for $400. 🙁 Haha, I've seen those commercials where they talk about the side effects! And they say it pretty fast and softly so you might not hear it.

Jun 29 8:57 pm

Ahaha, there were 123 comments. >.< Until I posted. I ruined the awesomeness.

xD No fair.

Jun 29 6:55 pm

Hahahaha, I love your list of side effects. If any medication I took listed those, then yeah, I'd rather stay sick. Spitting at small pets = not cool.

Jun 29 6:27 pm

I was reading the last line of your blog really fast and thought it said "I had a doctor whose pants were always down".

I was about to suggest therapy.

…..Let's link exchange!

Jun 29 4:09 pm

Lmao. Yeah the one thing about drug commercials is like half the time, the side effects are worse than the actual problem…or the problem is one of the side effects o-o

PS I love that herpes commercial!


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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