A Rant of Biblical Proportions

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I know the basics. I know that I should love my neighbors, and I know that I should love my enemies (strangely, these are the same people).

That’s about it. My mother always pressured me to dig deeper into Christianity. She promised it’d scare the hell out of me.

I tried, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Now there’s only one occasion in which I encounter the Bible. And no, it’s not church (that’d be too obvious). I’m talking, of course, about vacations.

I don’t get why in God’s name (ha) they put bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. It’s weird to me. But I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with two conclusions…

#1. Hotel chains are trying to scare us. They’re trying to guilt us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, pillows, televisions, beds, windows, or even employees.

But to be honest, it doesn’t work. I’ve snatched a few accessories. Everyone has (it’s in the official travel guidebook that I haven’t written yet). Besides, most people that check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.

#2. It’s all about the money. Religious organizations are secretly in cahoots with hotels in order to turn a profit. My reasoning is that God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, so they must take up a second job selling bibles or running a motel.

No longer will they accept donations in those smelly, straw hats. Get ready, because soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.

Anyway, regardless of the true motive, the whole thing is still off. It doesn’t seem politically correct. What about the other religious books? Where are the Torahs? or the Qurans? or the official travel guidebooks that I still haven’t written yet?

I suppose there are bigger issues in the world. I mean, for the past century, the United States has been busy trying to solve grand-scale religious conflicts. With separation of church and state and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.

Leave Comment


  • Dating Advice Forum
    Jul 13, 2009 9:47 am

    Funny blog… bibles are in hotel drawers possibly because if your doing illegal you might think or an attempt to make people feel guilty!

  • Lillie
    Jul 06, 2009 11:26 am

    It is
    Pretty Annoying
    To type
    like this.
    I mean
    you have to
    press the enter key
    so many

    I've always wondered why they put the bible in there o_o. I just end up taking the damned bible. In fact, the bible is the most shoplifted book out there. *cough* I take the bible and just leave it somewhere in the hotel. *snickers* like the pool ^___^ No offense to those strong god believers but he's made up in my opinion. I think he's just something people blame their misfortunes on. Like Odysseus in the Odyssey :). Curse you gods for making me fall asleep and letting my men eat the cattle. PSHPOSH. I wouldn't take the hotel towels. Even though they've washed them, who knows where they've been O.O" bleach or no bleach ): ewwies.

  • Sho
    Jul 05, 2009 7:04 am

    Deffo, it's the written law to steal some things from hotels. If not, why do they have such nice smelling soap?

    They most likely have bibles instead of Qua'rans because some stupid stat says 80% or something ridiculously high like that, it the % of America who claim to be Christian, and believers in God.

    I mean, c'mon, on the dolloar bill it says "In god we trust."

  • Masoud
    Jul 05, 2009 3:45 am

    Funny blog, Justin! 😛 You're really good at writing

    And where are you? 😛 Haven't heard from you for like… days (or so?) x]

  • Ben
    Jul 05, 2009 3:13 am

    That's a lot of ranting, and I agree with #1! :p It's weird. The official travel guidebook should be good, so get writing!!!!!!!! :S xD

  • Chloe
    Jul 05, 2009 1:02 am

    Yea I am going great, got another two hostees yay. lol. How are you going? hope you have been well. I love your blogs by the way, they are very interesting to read. (my neighbors are my enemy too)

  • Jackie
    Jul 04, 2009 9:13 pm

    I was thinking about that on prom night! haha I opened the drawer the morning after prom and was like WTF a bible?! Honestly was kind of scared looking at it like did I do something wrong last night? Haha So I believe strongly in Scenario #1!

    And I added you to my affiliates sidebar.. finally. My internet was down for a while.

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