A Rant of Biblical Proportions

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I know the basics. I know that I should love my neighbors, and I know that I should love my enemies (strangely, these are the same people).

That’s about it. My mother always pressured me to dig deeper into Christianity. She promised it’d scare the hell out of me.

I tried, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Now there’s only one occasion in which I encounter the Bible. And no, it’s not church (that’d be too obvious). I’m talking, of course, about vacations.

I don’t get why in God’s name (ha) they put bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. It’s weird to me. But I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with two conclusions…

#1. Hotel chains are trying to scare us. They’re trying to guilt us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, pillows, televisions, beds, windows, or even employees.

But to be honest, it doesn’t work. I’ve snatched a few accessories. Everyone has (it’s in the official travel guidebook that I haven’t written yet). Besides, most people that check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.

#2. It’s all about the money. Religious organizations are secretly in cahoots with hotels in order to turn a profit. My reasoning is that God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, so they must take up a second job selling bibles or running a motel.

No longer will they accept donations in those smelly, straw hats. Get ready, because soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.

Anyway, regardless of the true motive, the whole thing is still off. It doesn’t seem politically correct. What about the other religious books? Where are the Torahs? or the Qurans? or the official travel guidebooks that I still haven’t written yet?

I suppose there are bigger issues in the world. I mean, for the past century, the United States has been busy trying to solve grand-scale religious conflicts. With separation of church and state and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.

Leave Comment


  • Kat
    Jul 03, 2009 7:08 am

    LMAO xD
    uh i like all sorts really but probs my faves are chocolate chip cookies, pink wafers, shortbread and chocolate digestives, idk if you have those in the US but theyre scrummy

  • Greg
    Jul 03, 2009 2:45 am

    I take it that your joking about the eiffel tower?!

    Haha i know i'm really jealous of him, even though he copies me with everything haha.


  • Camila
    Jul 02, 2009 11:27 pm

    I thought it was a "real comment" haha. That was so cute πŸ™‚ I think my parents have seen my blog by now but they've never commented.

    and yay for tacos!!! yummm

  • Jill
    Jul 02, 2009 8:24 pm

    I guess so.. lol just kidding

  • Nnie
    Jul 02, 2009 8:05 pm

    The first conclusion does make sense. Hey but stealing shampoo or soap isn't illegal right? When I stayed in a hotel yesterday my Dad even asked the housekeeper guy to add more shampoo bottles.

  • Kate
    Jul 02, 2009 7:52 pm

    Yeah I'm sure you don't want to know what they REALLY are. Lucky It doesn't snow where I live!

    Ohmigosh, You have so many php scripts. Nomnomnom, I might use some πŸ™‚

    LOL @ the Secret Generator. Ohmigosh, I KNOW EVERYTHING now πŸ˜›

  • Shur
    Jul 02, 2009 7:38 pm

    Dude, shut up πŸ™‚

  • Marissa
    Jul 02, 2009 7:09 pm

    Hey Justin. Sorry I didn't return your comment. I posted another blog, and didn't see your comment.

    Haha. I think you are totally right. Bibles scare us into not doing anything…well…naughty (:

  • Delilah
    Jul 02, 2009 6:56 pm

    A poophead I am. πŸ˜€

  • thuyy
    Jul 02, 2009 6:43 pm

    D: What's so wrong with not knowing what a needlepoint kitty is?!?!

    Yeah, yeah, you better! πŸ˜€

  • thuyy
    Jul 02, 2009 6:35 pm

    wth is a needlepoint kitty? lol
    i'd like to see ittt. take a pic of it and send it to me. ;D

    im am SO BORED. just returning comments, then off to read gillian's blog. (:

  • Manda
    Jul 02, 2009 6:16 pm

    Well, the US is a pretty religious country when you put it in perspective with other countries from around the world (hard to believe, but it's true) so I guess if anything else, putting Bibles in hotels is just a force of habit in the hospitality industry.

  • Jill
    Jul 02, 2009 3:36 pm

    Yeah well I think it also has a bit to do with me being a teenage girl, probably.

  • Chynna Ashley
    Jul 02, 2009 12:05 pm

    I shall eagerly await your travel guide πŸ™‚
    I think that there should be other religion's books and not just the Bible. The disregard… pfft!

    @your comment: Gah, people annoy me! Just 'cause he's dead doesn't mean you have to change your opinion of him and suddenly think he's some kind of angel. Mehh… I hate people.

  • thuyy
    Jul 02, 2009 11:29 am

    lol. I don't think I could educate you.

    Yayyy you just made my day. πŸ˜€

    lol spiffy, eh?

    woo i love using 'eh' because it makes me feel canadian. (:

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