My Hurricane is a Boy!

Why do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms.

Isn’t it a tad odd to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? Hell, they don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d do it for me.

In the beginning, there were only female names. My guess is that angry men did all the naming — a bunch of losers who’d been in painful relationships and wanted to get even with women for reducing their lives to rubble (get it?).

These days, in order to be fair, they alternate the names of men and women. The current lineup for 2009 is Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin (I have trouble saying this one out loud), Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, and Wanda.

These names are too passive. Who’s gonna take a warning about Hurricane Rose seriously? She sounds like my grandmother. Same for Hurricane Grace. Nothing sounds more catastrophic than “GRACE.”

If they must name hurricanes, they should at least call them something scary. I’d be quicker to heed the warning for Hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-Kid-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.

And with a name like “Fred,” you’d think the hurricane was a playful little puppy or a kindly Uncle. People shouldn’t be sympathizing with hurricanes. If scary names don’t work, why not use derogatory nicknames that better characterize their rude nature?

One year it might start with “Hurricane Asshole” and continue with “Hurricane Bitch” and “Tropical Storm Crackwhore.” This would totally liven up weather reports:

“Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys.”

“That’s right, Jim. What a prick.”

If we adopt this naming convention, there are enough insults to last for decades. And if we ever run out, or just for variety, we could always switch to German.

Leave Comment


  • April
    Jul 14, 2009 8:40 pm

    Hmm. Maybe because all things should be named? Lol. Idk.

  • Jhase
    Jul 14, 2009 7:13 pm

    Um, well the statement issued by the new creative director of 90210 stated that the character Ethan has served his purpose. You know, without realizing he had a mentally challenged brother and then they wrote him incredibly more interesting with the final episodes, only to write him off. So yeah, it makes no sense. The writing is why this series sucks as it is. Rob Thomas should have never abandoned it. That man is a true writer, he would have made it just as awesome as he did with Veronica Mars.

  • Kaela
    Jul 14, 2009 2:42 pm

    I’m not sure why, it seems weird now that you really think about it.
    Haha, yeah, rappers are gonna think up lots and lots, german is always nice.

  • Vivien
    Jul 14, 2009 2:09 pm

    I never got naming hurricanes either. It's as if they're trying to make up a whole family tree of hurricanes. Which brings up the question "Do hurricanes have kids?" Which would make sense, with Rose being the grandmother, Grace the mom, Fred the son, etc. etc.

    If there was a storm called "Tropical Storm Cracwhore", maybe someone would actually watch the weather reports then.

    Thank you for making me laugh 🙂

    Jul 14, 2009 5:42 am

    Hi Justin!!!!!!! "My Hurricane Is A Boy" still cracks me up! When my check clears I want to take you to a movie……also, we'll do more grocery shopping, or I'll just give you guys money and a list (LOL)!! I fell asleep until morning, so I have to cook spaghetti and the sausages when I get home today!! I LOVE your New York pictures. Can I see them again? LOVE, Mom P.S. Put your dirty clothes in a pile

  • Diamond
    Jul 14, 2009 5:09 am

    Yeah LOL. And it does sound horrible… I bet it even feels that way too! Don't worry meh will! xD =) x

  • AnneMarie
    Jul 13, 2009 6:54 pm

    Yeah, I think it's a bit stupid too. They have the names all laid out? That I didn't know.. the situation is even stranger and more stupider than I thought.

    And sure, the genie guy is hilarious. ^^ Too bad Aladdin set him free.

  • Loco
    Jul 13, 2009 3:32 pm

    Good question why do Hurricanes have names? Now i have to think about that lol. Ur blog is cute dude!

  • Shen
    Jul 13, 2009 12:15 pm

    I couldn't have said it better. Despite their silly names they're so dangerous. xD I live in the Caribbean so I should be aware of hurricanes. I believe the season is from July to November? I'm not quite sure. But I really think they should reconsider those names. xD

    Jul 13, 2009 11:32 am

    I am VERY tired. Let's just pick up Subway, a few groceries & diet Dr. Pepper, and then go home!! Love, Mom (or Pizza).

  • Sabryna
    Jul 13, 2009 10:28 am

    I thought cyclones and typhoons were indeed hurricanes, they are just named so depending on their locations…

    I want to see Hurricane Cotton Candy and Hurricane Ashley…

    (And Joaquin is pronounced "hwah-keen" :])

  • Dating Advice Forum
    Jul 13, 2009 9:38 am

    haaaaaaaaaaaaaa naming runs is awesome, i wouldn't like my name associated with a hurricane….

  • Dating Advice Forum
    Jul 13, 2009 9:36 am

    haaaaaaaaaaaaaa naming runs is awesome, i wouldn't like my name associated with a hurricane….

  • Jay
    Jul 13, 2009 8:42 am

    i couldn't agree more. i would hate for my name to be associated with a hurricane that could've possibly killed the rest of my family :/ now that's just irony.

    and grace? now, that's a name that defies hurricanes.

    we need to contact the hurricane namers immediately.

  • Asmiya
    Jul 12, 2009 11:30 pm

    Hi. Nice site. I like how you think. lol. Yeah they should change the storm's' names.
    Nice site name as well. 😀

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