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Whine about the Swine

I’ve always wanted to attend a pig catching competition. It’d be fun to watch idiots chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for money. After watching a few YouTube clips, I’ve learned that catching swine is nearly impossible. But with that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?

The H1N1 virus is spreading fear throughout the United States. According to CNN, my college has the worst outbreak in the Midwest.

Sigh. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool like the discovery of Bigfoot‘s Facebook account or something?

With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our University would be closed or something. But nope. I must still go to class. The school officials have merely quarantined the sick students and distributed hand-sanitizer.

In fear that I might get it, I have some questions…

Will Swine Flu give me the sudden urge to eat bacon and pork chops?

Should I cover myself in oinkment?

Is this snoutbreak a serious hamdemic?

Will this cause the end of the world; Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, etc…?

Will I sneeze by saying achoink?

Will there be a movie about the tragedies; “Swinedler’s List,” “Pig Trouble In Little Mexico,” “Babe: Death In The City,” etc…?

Once infected, can I use this pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.”

There’s so many swine flu jokes going around, it’s like an epidemic or something.

What the hell is Swine Flu anyway? I bet it came from a couple of jealous pigs. I mean, turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… uhh… yeah. I bet pigs wanted to cash in on the trend and bring home some extra bacon.

Damn those attention-boars.

Those pigs really piss me off. I used to trust them. I even had a piggy bank. First they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me! Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were warning us!

Help! I’m living in fear. I don’t think I’ll survive the Swine Flu! Well, maybe when pigs fly.

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72 Comments

  • brittany!!
    Sep 19, 2009 8:14 am

    AHAHAHAAA!!! this blog is hilarious!!!!! ::D and they really should close your school! i really hope you dont get it!(:
    so how have you been?! im going to a concert later!


  • Gel
    Sep 19, 2009 7:03 am

    Yeah but good thing the whole H1N1 is calmer now. There hasn't been any reported cases in our country for awhile so hopefully it has stopped. The flu jokes are hilarious though! The Achoink and Oinkment joke made me laugh πŸ˜›


  • Laura
    Sep 19, 2009 6:19 am

    Yay Justin you blogged about swine flu! Everyone is so obsessed with it atm. I had my introduction to University Cosmology on Thursday and the guy actually said he expects half of us to be off with it and all this! Nice cheery introduction to the study of the planets there.

    Haha I've heard of that! I'm sick of it spreading so quickly. Everywhere I look there's some poster about it and everytime I turn on the TV it's either on the news or there's an advert about it. Eeeep that's a lot of cases! I'm not sure if my University has had any, it only just started back though. They should just close it! Arghh people think that hand sanitizer solves everything.

    Haha I like your questions, they are very good! Yes I agree the bigs weren't getting enough attention! It's really our fault I mean we shouldn't have made such a big fuss of the cows … we can only blame ourselves! The poor jealous pigs. I still have piggy banks! I'm going to go and smash them up in protest now :).


  • Ariel
    Sep 18, 2009 12:41 pm

    There's swine flu vaccines coming soon O_O would YOU get it???


  • AnneMarie
    Sep 16, 2009 7:24 pm

    Yeah, so many people are afraid of Swine Flu. My high school has been freaking out about it. There's been the regular cold/flu going around so everyone's like "DO YOU HAVE SWINE FLU?" I was sick two weeks ago, I'm glad it wasn't serious though. This second wave of H1N1 is supposed to cause more damage than the first xP


  • Ben
    Sep 16, 2009 8:40 am

    BAHAHAHA. I just read that chat up line and started laughing out loud. πŸ™ And the movies :L

    Gah, swine flu is so overrated. It's just like normal flu, lie down and drink water and you'll be fine. Right? πŸ™


  • Christine
    Sep 16, 2009 6:31 am

    This was great to read! I honestly think as long as you take care of yourself and wash your hands, and the like people will be fine. I'm looking at it as the regular flu, just a different strain. Am I scared of getting sick? Of course! I have tons of things I need to do, haha! But, it's kind of scary to see how fast people are spreading it.

    Aporkalypse….made my day!


  • Lani
    Sep 14, 2009 1:38 am

    πŸ˜€ Why thankyou sir.

    Rofl I have the strong urge to try that pickup line now…


  • Rene
    Sep 13, 2009 6:05 pm

    Haha… wow… i have actually heard that people do that, but i didnt really believe it… goodness people are weird hahha!!

    so i like your entire entry on bigs lol. its funny… and omg!! when there was a blood drive… they didnt let me give blood because they claimed i had the "mad cow disease" which i didn't lol… but still ah! haha… love this entry. :]


  • Shola
    Sep 13, 2009 5:51 pm

    LOL, so many pig jokes so little space. I liked the the pink plague. I thought it was pig plague.

    I still call it swine flu. It is what it is. H1N1 is just like calling Gold by it's element name. :/ Nu. (i think)

    I think they should keep uni open though a quarantine the people. I would be annoyed paying for something to have it close because of the epidemic.


  • Elizabeth
    Sep 13, 2009 5:35 pm

    LOL! You are hillarious! You have officially become my new favorite site!
    Those pigs man, I bet you they have a secret society somewhere in some underground lair! Now you got me thinking…I hope I don't get pigmares! ACK! LOL!
    I'll be back again! Thank you for being you! πŸ™‚


  • Mom
    Sep 12, 2009 11:26 pm

    Justin,
    You are so cute & funny!! Love, Mom
    P.S. Use hand sanitizer (LOL)


  • Anna
    Sep 12, 2009 12:08 pm

    Lmfao. Never heard those swine flu jokes/questions earlier but they’re pretty damn good xD I specially loved “Babe: Death In The City”.
    funny entry.


  • Eka
    Sep 12, 2009 10:56 am

    You do the greatest plays on words. Seriously. O_O

    Swine Flu is starting to spread at my school. THEY HANDED OUT FLYERS. You know that's when it's getting serious. XD


  • milu
    Sep 12, 2009 7:59 am

    Aw the same is in Peru , so many people with swine…actually poor pigs they dont have fault πŸ™


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