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Whine about the Swine

I’ve always wanted to attend a pig catching competition. It’d be fun to watch idiots chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for money. After watching a few YouTube clips, I’ve learned that catching swine is nearly impossible. But with that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?

The H1N1 virus is spreading fear throughout the United States. According to CNN, my college has the worst outbreak in the Midwest.

Sigh. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool like the discovery of Bigfoot‘s Facebook account or something?

With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our University would be closed or something. But nope. I must still go to class. The school officials have merely quarantined the sick students and distributed hand-sanitizer.

In fear that I might get it, I have some questions…

Will Swine Flu give me the sudden urge to eat bacon and pork chops?

Should I cover myself in oinkment?

Is this snoutbreak a serious hamdemic?

Will this cause the end of the world; Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, etc…?

Will I sneeze by saying achoink?

Will there be a movie about the tragedies; “Swinedler’s List,” “Pig Trouble In Little Mexico,” “Babe: Death In The City,” etc…?

Once infected, can I use this pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.”

There’s so many swine flu jokes going around, it’s like an epidemic or something.

What the hell is Swine Flu anyway? I bet it came from a couple of jealous pigs. I mean, turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… uhh… yeah. I bet pigs wanted to cash in on the trend and bring home some extra bacon.

Damn those attention-boars.

Those pigs really piss me off. I used to trust them. I even had a piggy bank. First they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me! Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were warning us!

Help! I’m living in fear. I don’t think I’ll survive the Swine Flu! Well, maybe when pigs fly.

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72 Comments

  • Stepherz
    Oct 07, 2009 7:59 pm

    The puns are so much more amazing then swine flu. ๐Ÿ™‚


  • Trish
    Oct 04, 2009 3:51 pm

    You know, the puns were pretty bad, but they were still funny. XD My best friend had the swine flu. She survived. =_= Unfortunately. I kid, I kid! I love her.

    Anyway, this was the best:
    "Will there be a movie about the tragedies; "Swinedler's List," "Pig Trouble In Little Mexico," "Babe: Death In The City," etc…?"

    I think "Swinedler's List got me. There are a lot of people who have gotten it at my school. Why can't they close the schools down?! WHY?!!!


  • Mom/Debbie
    Oct 02, 2009 12:17 pm

    I am sick and can't come until tomorrow. I have your card and fruit drinks.


  • Mom/Debbie
    Sep 29, 2009 11:07 am

    Hi Justin,
    I love you! Love, Mommy


  • Sarah
    Sep 29, 2009 1:15 am

    Haha, nice domain name. lol


  • Monnii Bee
    Sep 28, 2009 1:53 pm

    Hey Justin!

    Sorry for the unexpected hiatus and sorry for not coming on to comment your blog, i'm going to have to come back later to see whats been going on in your life!

    anyways, i was just checking in and i'll be back soon!

    Hope all is going well,

    Monnii Bee


  • Jill
    Sep 27, 2009 5:25 pm

    My mom is going to make me get the vaccine as soon as she can find where it's available. Boo swine.


  • Regina
    Sep 27, 2009 2:53 pm

    Ahaha! Those jokes made me laugh so hard that I snorted… like a pig. ๐Ÿ˜›


  • Emily
    Sep 27, 2009 1:02 am

    I dunno why, but I feel like sharing this with you. It seems to me the government likes spreading panic, BUT–

    I bet this wasn't on your news: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1213056/Up-million-march-US-Capitol-protest-Obamas-s
    pending-tea-party-demonstration.html">click</a>. 1 million protesters, and it wasn't on TV??


  • Jumana
    Sep 23, 2009 6:50 am

    hehe =p
    funny blog. indeed. you know, they say more people die annually from the normal flue than the people who died from swine flue. it's all media exaggerating as usual. trying to put something in the spotlight. then again, it might be all those medicine companies trying to make some cash. ah well.


  • Mom/Debbie
    Sep 22, 2009 12:33 am

    Hi Justin,
    I miss you. Love your blog! Love, Mom


  • Mom/Debbie
    Sep 22, 2009 12:30 am

    Hi Justin! You article is very good! It makes me laugh. I am visiting you Wednesday. Love, Mom


  • Anna
    Sep 20, 2009 2:28 pm

    Hahaha, H1N1 is VERY VERY DANGEROUS! :p
    We just had some warnings at school… and letters to our parents saying: "please make your children stay home if they cough or sneeze"
    uhm … yes. they're just trying to spread some panic, huh?!
    I dun think it'll kill anyone who just visits his doc & stays home with some medicine. Whatever. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I always have an english version of my blog entries … so if you want to read some stupid things … feel free to visit me ๐Ÿ˜‰


  • Paige
    Sep 20, 2009 1:43 pm

    Girls on the dance team at my school have the swine flu. Some people are really freaked out about it, but most of us are just like "whatever. We'll live." It's calmed down a lot but before people where obsessing over it.

    When it's all over, I want a pin or something that says "I survived the swine flu! Did you?"


  • Lee
    Sep 19, 2009 11:13 pm

    Whassup Jus10? ๐Ÿ˜€


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    My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I havenโ€™t been myself ever since I was born.

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