Pole Dancing for Babies

While browsing the Internet, I stumbled across a highly disturbing article about a Canadian company that offers pole dancing lessons to girls nine years of age and under. Blah. I blame Miley Cyrus.

For those who don’t frequent strip clubs, pole dancing is what erotic dancers do in place of just going up on stage, taking off their clothes, and standing there naked. The moves are often suggestive and sexual — and why wouldn’t they be? Men don’t go to strip clubs to sip tea, listen to classical music, and discuss existentialism.

This is absolutely no place for a toddler. The only pole a kid should play with should be inside a set of Lincoln Logs.

In the article, the dance instructors emphasize the benefit of exercise, but come on; these are infants. It’s called “baby fat” for a reason.

And that justification is so faulty. Says one of the fitness instructors; “I challenge anybody who has anything to say about it being a bad thing to get up on the pole and try to pull their legs over their head.” Basically, the man is saying that because it’s challenging, it should be allowed. Well, humping a goat is pretty challenging…

Sadly, most of these young pole dancers are oblivious to what they’re actually doing. They’re too innocent to know the true answer to “Who’s your daddy?”

If parents are going to encourage this activity, they should at least sit down with their kids and say “Hey, this is what strippers do to earn money from Grandpa.”

It’s all so trashy. What’s the next class they’ll offer? Leopard Prints 101? Advanced Street-Corner Poses? My First G-String?

And it’s not like the kids will be any good at it. A lot of these youngins don’t even have hair to twirl.

So what’s the point? Imagine your mother saying, “Keep it up, and there may be a dirty wad of twenties in your future.” If anything, this is all an evil plan to help parents avoid ever paying for a college education.

I crack up thinking about six-year-old boys watching them… dressed in pimps coats, wearing chains around their necks, and waving nickels through the air (little kids don’t have much money). In fact, they’ll probably barter for services with bubble gum and Bratz dolls. Fortunately, the youngest pole dancers — still in diapers — would have a place to store everything.

Personally, I think any young girl interested in pole dancing should be redirected towards gymnastics, where she can eventually compete for something other than dollar bills. But to my dismay, there’s actually a petition to make pole dancing an Olympic Sport.

How do you even judge an Olympic pole dancing routine? Do you count the judges’ boners? — “I give it a nine.”

Okay, okay. In all seriousness, there are cultural messages about pole dancing that people need to be honest about. The reason people get upset about young girls grinding on a rod is because it’s inherently sexual, and you can’t assume a kid won’t be affected by other people’s reactions to it.

I mean, how will a little girl who chose pole dancing instead of tap dancing feel in a few years when she finds out what other people think of her?

Leave Comment

Aug 07 3:31 am

I am overworking you? Ha! What a joke. It is because of you I have still not opened my economics book. If I fail Monday, all the blame is gonna go on you. Sorry, pal. xP
Never mind. You can change it in a week, if you want. Once it is open, I am going to re-direct thevault.6birds.net automatically to the new one, so no worries.

I make everyone laugh. Rather than with me, it is usually at me, but whatever. Beggars can not be choosers. Poor us.

Okay, you talked to plans ? Awh. That is so sweet. And incredibly…Uh? If I had the time, I would have checked it out. Later, I promise.

"Should I stop commenting? If I must…"
Ha. Now I know you're being deliberately mean. I have promised myself that I am gonna go offline after this. Will reply to your next comment in at least two hours. A girl can dream, huh?

Aug 07 3:19 am

After we were almost willing to leave our respective boyfriends for each other, it is a little embarrassing asking to be affies. Ha, I'd added you even before I'd hit "Submit" on the previous comment. Not on 6birds.net, though. I am moving sites. The next one would be open by tomorrow or the day after, depending upon the preparation for my test.
The stupid thing about it is that even though I've been talking about it to everybody since yesterday, I still haven't bothered to open the book. I am the nerd of my class. The studious one. And if this is my condition, I wonder…

You're right. My excuse really does suck. I can't do anything. It is a cliche but a cliche for a reason.

Talk to plants? Ha. Hardly. Please. You do the noble task. I am way too busy for that.

I won't be up with Oprah. I'd be "upper than Oprah," if that is right English, lol. Sure. You may hit me for cash. Doesn't mean I'd give. Muahaha.

You know this isn't fair. I am not studying, and you're replying to comments almost real quick. Does that mean you;re not going to reply for another two weeks after this?

Aug 07 3:08 am

This really disturbs me. This isn't pole dancing, but I saw this youtube video of these little girls dressed in what looked like lingerie during a dance competition. Guess which song they were dancing to?…. All the single ladies by Beyonce. And, these girls were shaking their bodies and doing moves that grown adult dancers would be doing. I can understand the talent they acquire by being able to do those moves, but it also disturbs me that parents would allow their babies to move like that. Little girls should not be pushed to dance sexually when they are just innocent kids. The same would apply to pole dancing lessons which is just absurd. I worry about some parents, honestly.

Also in reply to your comment on my website. I don't find horror movies scary either. Mainly because in the back of my head I know they're just movies. I'll flinch and certain things like certain gore scenes make me feel uneasy, but it doesn't necessarily scare me. I try my hardest to put myself in the position of the characters in movies so that helps.

Aug 07 2:40 am

Nice excuse. Really. Ingenious. Hats off, sir. Beats mine too. πŸ˜›

I follow your trick, too. The problem is this: We get a week for every test and we have five tests. I could have explained this to anybody if I knew what was written in the book. I have been made this school reporter thing due to which I have to miss most of my classes. So I had – have – no idea what is there written in the book. I have three chapters to finish and if I start explaining this to anybody, it would take me years to finish them. Plus, there is no one to explain. It is the weekend, and no friend of mine lives near my house. My sister has better things to do than listen to me speak economics. Unfortunately.

Don't worry. I am headed towards that line. Someday I'd be ranked higher than Oprah in Times' Top 10 Richest Women In The World. xD. I can dream. πŸ˜›
Wanna be affies? Please?

Aug 07 12:59 am

Thank you thank you. I love it when people quote me. Which isn't very often. Wonder why. Ha ha. xP
What do you mean even I reveal my true colors at the thought of pocketing some dough? Honey, EVERYBODY reveals their true colors at the thought of pocketing some dough.
Argh. My life is boring. And hectic, on top of it. Economics test Monday. Yikes. Who cares how India's economic structure has improved or gone down since Independence? Yeah, it seems fascinating reading how those British exploited us but…sorry. I am rambling. Economics. ARRGGH. I have been studying it for the past three hours. Actually, TRYING to study for the past three hours.
Jeez. I am rambling again.

You say. At least I have a decent excuse for not blogging. What is yours?

Ian C
Aug 06 8:08 pm

I agree with your summary. I certainly don't want my daughter pole dancing, even if it is redefined as a competitive sport for the olympics.
I do understand the dancer's comments about requiring technique and a certain amount of strength to perform at the highest levels, but seeing a woman swinging on a vertical pole is going to make any adult think STRIPCLUB.

Check out the pole dancing at the 2012 olympic story on my news blog. Click my name.

Aug 06 7:02 pm

thank you!!!!

Aug 06 6:29 pm

Well it's actually not just one of those stupid personality quizzes, it's a personality test that is actually taken seriously in a lot of work places. It is based on psychology & on Carl Jung's theories. So, it's not exactly bull, you know? Pretty sure some psychologists & counselors can actually determine your personality type just by asking you a few questions that are the same as the quiz.

slightly expressed extravert
distinctively expressed intuitive personality
slightly expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality

So you are an ENFJ. I'm an INFJ which means I have an introverted personality type that is much like yours. πŸ˜€

THIS NEWS IS HORRENDOUS. WHAT?!?!? What the hell are these people doing to our kids!?!??! Oh my GOODNESS. WTF? & the mormons think that gay marriage will ruin kids. OH RLY? BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE POLE DANCING IS UP THERE. -_-

I definitely don't know what's going on with the world, but it's getting crazy. 4 year olds need to stick to Barney, Barbies, Disney movies, & sandboxes, NOT stripper poles. Fcking Miley Cyrus. That ho!

Aug 06 6:10 pm

How can pole dancing NOT be sexual? o_O
It disturbs me how those parents would actually let their children take those classes. Sure, those kids don't actually know what pole dancing actually means YET…but when they get older and get surrounded by people with raging hormones, it would be impossible for them not to know. The "innocence" will disappear.

If pole dancing becomes an Olympic Sport – thank god it isn't – a bunch of people will watch it, and not for gymnastic admiring reasons.

Aug 06 6:02 pm

Oh Lord. This is <u>disgusting</u>. All in the name of money. I once read a book about a girl who was a pole-dancer and loved pole dancing, but was always scared to tell anybody because of the fear of being fun of.
Pole dancing may be an exercise. But it is vulgar most of the time. My cousin is eight years old. I just CANNOT imagine her doing what Miley Cyrus does. Grr.

If they offer cash prize for homework, I'd be richer than Bill Gates in a week. No, scratch that. In a day.

Awh, honey, I miss you too. πŸ™ Reply soon. xD

Aug 06 5:08 pm

It was crawling out of the butt so I guess its too hot :O! I`ve been named after lots of things :O! Instruments, pencil, pins, etc πŸ˜› Its all cool πŸ˜€ I`m for real, I`ll name the cotton-guy kitten Justin πŸ˜€

Aug 06 4:06 pm

Aww <3 You're sweet πŸ™‚ I miss talking to you and with your spiffy comments πŸ˜€ I would so keep them, but they die in any contacts with the heat :(! And its hot here! I can name one of my kittens Justin fo sho πŸ˜›

Aug 06 3:55 pm

A few minutes ago, another tapeworm came out. This is getting crazy. Blegpach, why does these bacteria really need to do these things to survive? :(. What is worse, is little girls learning how to pole dance. Now we know what their future job is going to be, while it could've been something better, with less… Exposure and usage. Whats more nastyish is that people over 18 actually wants an underage minor for these things.

Aug 06 1:10 pm

Wow! Pole dancing lessions for 9 year olds is just wrong, I don't care who you are, or what you do in this world! Sure, it's a great way to do exercise, but there are so many other LESS EXPLICIT ways of doing that to such as Gymnastics, Cheerleading, other NORMAl sports!

I like what JHase said – "we like our poles just like they are" hahahah… unfortunately it's true in a way… I mean, would you prefer to have washed out forty-somethings starting at 9 year old kids as they pole dance????

Aug 06 12:22 pm

I agree with this. The idea that it can be seen as a non-sexual based activity is ludicrous in itself. Pole dancing, through the many years, have earned its right to have thoughts of dirty behavior and young girls out there giving men what they want.

Seriously, can you really sit down and listen to your child, or sister say "When I grow up, I want to be a professional pole dancer." and not get the sense that slapping them may be for the best. I can't, but if you can good luck.

Darn people always trying to ruin tradition. We like our poles just like they are, dirty and littered with people who didn't make it in their dreams. (Not to say they couldn't do it, either.)


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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