Pole Dancing for Babies

While browsing the Internet, I stumbled across a highly disturbing article about a Canadian company that offers pole dancing lessons to girls nine years of age and under. Blah. I blame Miley Cyrus.

For those who don’t frequent strip clubs, pole dancing is what erotic dancers do in place of just going up on stage, taking off their clothes, and standing there naked. The moves are often suggestive and sexual — and why wouldn’t they be? Men don’t go to strip clubs to sip tea, listen to classical music, and discuss existentialism.

This is absolutely no place for a toddler. The only pole a kid should play with should be inside a set of Lincoln Logs.

In the article, the dance instructors emphasize the benefit of exercise, but come on; these are infants. It’s called “baby fat” for a reason.

And that justification is so faulty. Says one of the fitness instructors; “I challenge anybody who has anything to say about it being a bad thing to get up on the pole and try to pull their legs over their head.” Basically, the man is saying that because it’s challenging, it should be allowed. Well, humping a goat is pretty challenging…

Sadly, most of these young pole dancers are oblivious to what they’re actually doing. They’re too innocent to know the true answer to “Who’s your daddy?”

If parents are going to encourage this activity, they should at least sit down with their kids and say “Hey, this is what strippers do to earn money from Grandpa.”

It’s all so trashy. What’s the next class they’ll offer? Leopard Prints 101? Advanced Street-Corner Poses? My First G-String?

And it’s not like the kids will be any good at it. A lot of these youngins don’t even have hair to twirl.

So what’s the point? Imagine your mother saying, “Keep it up, and there may be a dirty wad of twenties in your future.” If anything, this is all an evil plan to help parents avoid ever paying for a college education.

I crack up thinking about six-year-old boys watching them… dressed in pimps coats, wearing chains around their necks, and waving nickels through the air (little kids don’t have much money). In fact, they’ll probably barter for services with bubble gum and Bratz dolls. Fortunately, the youngest pole dancers — still in diapers — would have a place to store everything.

Personally, I think any young girl interested in pole dancing should be redirected towards gymnastics, where she can eventually compete for something other than dollar bills. But to my dismay, there’s actually a petition to make pole dancing an Olympic Sport.

How do you even judge an Olympic pole dancing routine? Do you count the judges’ boners? — “I give it a nine.”

Okay, okay. In all seriousness, there are cultural messages about pole dancing that people need to be honest about. The reason people get upset about young girls grinding on a rod is because it’s inherently sexual, and you can’t assume a kid won’t be affected by other people’s reactions to it.

I mean, how will a little girl who chose pole dancing instead of tap dancing feel in a few years when she finds out what other people think of her?

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Aug 07 10:58 pm

There's GaGa accessories!! πŸ™‚ But Lady Gaga just uses a blackberry, I think :O! Or I heard πŸ˜› I can't tell the difference between geese and ducks! Hmmm, Geese are a bit louder, fierce, and.. bigger, I think :O! I`m not sure πŸ˜›

Aug 07 9:28 pm

Ok, this is just wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! Here in Australia they are selling teething credit cards for babies, what next?
LMFAO @ humping a goat. That made me spit my water out onto the screen haha.

The weird thing about this for me is, the media is all about sexual innuendo and how bad this and that is on a sexual front and yet in the next breath petition pole dancing as an Olympic sport. I dunno, the world is seriously warped …

I actually didn't go to the guys site and say he inspired me, but you just gave me an awesome thought though, thank you πŸ˜‰

Aug 07 7:43 pm

Well, I thought, Sapniqua isn't a name a normal girl with the right brain would ever opt for. And knowing your dislike for vampires and talking to plants, I added two and two.

I can't just spring economics on them like that. When they are shouting at me, "Why were you out so late? I have told you thousands and thousands of times how little girls like you get raped everyday by disgusting, filthy…"
Me: "Dad, what policy did the British use to conquer India?"
Lame, much? πŸ˜›

Oh yeah, I remember your money comment. And Oprah. And me upper than Oprah. Right right. Sorry. Actually the fault lies with me. Sometimes I am too lazy to read long, long blogs so I skip a few lines in between.
This is why I assumed everyone would be like me too. Don't worry, I read yours though. πŸ˜›

AHHA. I knew you'd say that. That is why I mentioned it. Hmm..have you changed it yet? Let me go look. *Scrolls*
No you haven't!
What does this prove? This proves that I am not making you sound like a lazy ass. You are a lazy ass. Just kidding. πŸ˜›

I am busted. I know. *Heaves a breath* I am going to fake a heart attack tomorrow. Think that'd get me out of it? I mean a 16 year old getting a heart attack? Sounds pretty serious if you ask me.

Actually when I finished typing the blog, I thought it was too short. So I copied and pasted the last paragraph of what I had written to you earlier. See, I told you I was lazy.

The first thing I am going to buy you is a stenographer as soon as I become "upper" than Oprah. You can hold me to the promise.

Ah. Hello? Which school gives teenagers 70,000 word novels to write? I wrote it because I wanted to and because I am studious. *Smirks*

Aug 07 6:33 pm

OMG. Who in their right mind think that pole dancing is appropriate for four year-old children?! GRRR. They must be pedophiles or something. Well, they're not going to be as stupid as the parents who will actually enroll their INNOCENT little kids to that program! Why would you leave your kids in the hands of a total stranger, who just suggested that pole dancing is a form or an EXERCISE? Running is an exercise, not taking your clothes of for some pervert. EW. Making it an Olympic sport? I think it will increase the male viewers but then again, not all males are interested in that kind of stuff. They might even end up closing the Olympics for good because no one wants to witness that kind of foolishnes!

Aug 07 2:30 pm

Ooooh! Pet ducks!! Theres a lot of ducks at a park down the street from my school. Apparently, they chase after people :O! Unless you raise the duck from when it was a baby πŸ™‚ They would grow affectionate. GaGa phones!! With a GaGa case, background, and the phone hanging thingr :O!

Aug 07 12:52 pm

Pshhh, if only thats the case πŸ˜› I can`t trust chickens in the house :O! They`ll surely make a mess!! 44 seconds to just open a text message? :O! That is outrageous! If its old and cheap, then thats the reason :D. My phone is just ordinary that not much people have :P. These days, the only phones I see is MetroPCS (Los Angeles only coverage) and their phones are so plain :X.

Aug 07 11:31 am

I sleep with the kittens, LOL! I`m scared of chickens. They chase after me. I can`t do anything about it or it`ll be considered animal abuse :O !! Suuucks that it fell in >:(!! At least it gives you a reason to get a new phone :P. I know I can`t because mine is still "newish" πŸ™ Most phones these days are palm-sized so I guess its the same :O!

Aug 07 11:16 am

Wow. That's crazy. :O
Thanks for joining my contest, by the way.

Aug 07 11:07 am

Thanks. CuteNews is so stupid; I'm probably switching to something else soon lol.

That's an interesting thing to know. I think that poledancing can be fun without nudity, but putting little kids into the stripping environment is definitely the wrong thing to do. We already have enough people, like Miley Cyrus, making faulty rolemodels for our future generation lol.

Aug 07 10:37 am

WHAT?!?! This is absolutely insane! I'm convinced 2012 is coming early. I was a tap dancer when I was young because it was good for staying active, and it was great for self esteem! You practice all year and you have a recital. What are these girls going to show off? The fact that you can spread your legs around a pole? This is absolutely horrifying, but the parents who allow their daughters to do this are even more so!

Aug 07 10:10 am

Haha :P! A little mini baby chicken πŸ™‚ Though I sleep with the kittens sometimes :O! I wonder if that makes me a… Hmmm :O These scooby sheets are less than 3 years old, and it was from Anna's Linens or something. There were lots of those cartoons to choose from :P. I love the blackberry, only because its like.. my size :P. I just like the top 4, storm, curve, bold, and I`ll most likely like the torch :O!! What kind of phone do you use? I`m just interested in what everyone's tech taste is :P.

Aug 07 7:41 am

This is a copied message to all those being advertised with The Vault:
Just a quick note to say we've moved.
If you'd still like to be advertised, just leave me a message. I'd put you up immediately.

Thank you.

Aug 07 5:43 am

I haven't heard of this at all. I think it's really ridiculous that at such a young age, people are thinking about pole dancing for their children. It's inappropriate because of what we in society know pole dancing to be. After all if they're looking to build their children's flexibility and stuff, why not send them to dance classes or something. When I was younger my parents sent me to gymnastics to me more flexible, as well as dance classes.

I think the age is just really inappropriate. It doesn't help. I'm sure they could give young ones the necessary skills needed for whatever, but it shouldn't be called or related to anything like pole dancing.

And it does make sense to delve into gymnastics where they can strive for some sort of dream if they enjoy it. Not… hop into a brothel and all that jazz. πŸ˜›

Aug 07 4:26 am

OMG. I can't believe your sense of humor. Breathing carbon dioxide on them helps them grow? Awesome.
Don't tell me. Sapniqua. Were you watching a vampire movie before going buying that plant?

*Sighs* I made the mistake of asking them a question. Mom began explaining me and then dad came over and asked what she was explaining. She told him, and he said that her answer was wrong. They started bickering among each other on who was right and I still haven't got my answer.
I hate being taught by my parents. My mom is too lazy and my dad too impatient. When he asks me if I have understood a concept, I'd say yes even if he hasn't. And then I waste another hour trying to understand what he'd said. *Rolls eyes* What a waste of time.

Not true. You have a lot of evidence. For example, do you see a cheerleader worrying about a 500 word essay like I am? 2010: An Environmental Disaster Or The Technological Era. If you read the whole blog, that is. πŸ˜›
Then you see the three novels I have written. What sort of sixteen year old wastes – fine, spends – two years writing books. The studious one, you get it.
And then you say you don't have any evidence. Men. Honestly.

(I have always wanted to say that!)

Aug 07 4:11 am

So I didn't go. Obviously. I figured out something.
My dad is an accountant and has studied economics extensively. My mom has done masters in economics. What does that imply? That implies economics runs in my blood. I don't need to study.
I tried studied. Believe me, I did. But I just couldn't concentrate.So I thought, what the hell.
What do you mean? You don't believe I am studious? Jeez. I am the king of studiousness. Or the queen, in this case.

Eeks. What do you think? Is it a give excuse to give it to my teacher?

OMG. Fingerprints develop at eighteen weeks in a fetus? No shit. So did they take out various fetuses at various stages of development for this silly fact? All in the name of science. Doctors, Shmockters. Hmm..

Gimme the link for the plant article. I wanna see what you've written. I am trying your IQ quiz right now. And failing miserably. Jeez. Is it possible to have an IQ in negative? *Bites Nails* I am seriously worried.


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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