Pole Dancing for Babies

While browsing the Internet, I stumbled across a highly disturbing article about a Canadian company that offers pole dancing lessons to girls nine years of age and under. Blah. I blame Miley Cyrus.

For those who don’t frequent strip clubs, pole dancing is what erotic dancers do in place of just going up on stage, taking off their clothes, and standing there naked. The moves are often suggestive and sexual — and why wouldn’t they be? Men don’t go to strip clubs to sip tea, listen to classical music, and discuss existentialism.

This is absolutely no place for a toddler. The only pole a kid should play with should be inside a set of Lincoln Logs.

In the article, the dance instructors emphasize the benefit of exercise, but come on; these are infants. It’s called “baby fat” for a reason.

And that justification is so faulty. Says one of the fitness instructors; “I challenge anybody who has anything to say about it being a bad thing to get up on the pole and try to pull their legs over their head.” Basically, the man is saying that because it’s challenging, it should be allowed. Well, humping a goat is pretty challenging…

Sadly, most of these young pole dancers are oblivious to what they’re actually doing. They’re too innocent to know the true answer to “Who’s your daddy?”

If parents are going to encourage this activity, they should at least sit down with their kids and say “Hey, this is what strippers do to earn money from Grandpa.”

It’s all so trashy. What’s the next class they’ll offer? Leopard Prints 101? Advanced Street-Corner Poses? My First G-String?

And it’s not like the kids will be any good at it. A lot of these youngins don’t even have hair to twirl.

So what’s the point? Imagine your mother saying, “Keep it up, and there may be a dirty wad of twenties in your future.” If anything, this is all an evil plan to help parents avoid ever paying for a college education.

I crack up thinking about six-year-old boys watching them… dressed in pimps coats, wearing chains around their necks, and waving nickels through the air (little kids don’t have much money). In fact, they’ll probably barter for services with bubble gum and Bratz dolls. Fortunately, the youngest pole dancers — still in diapers — would have a place to store everything.

Personally, I think any young girl interested in pole dancing should be redirected towards gymnastics, where she can eventually compete for something other than dollar bills. But to my dismay, there’s actually a petition to make pole dancing an Olympic Sport.

How do you even judge an Olympic pole dancing routine? Do you count the judges’ boners? — “I give it a nine.”

Okay, okay. In all seriousness, there are cultural messages about pole dancing that people need to be honest about. The reason people get upset about young girls grinding on a rod is because it’s inherently sexual, and you can’t assume a kid won’t be affected by other people’s reactions to it.

I mean, how will a little girl who chose pole dancing instead of tap dancing feel in a few years when she finds out what other people think of her?

Leave Comment

Aug 10 4:08 am

As if I'm not disturbed with the thought of pole dancing alone. O_O Now, comes kids doing it. What's up with the world? T__T

I know the reason why men love to go to clubs and stuff, but who would want to look at young girls do it? O_o Young boys? The world is about to end now.

Haha. thanks! Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of entries. I might extend or cancel the contest, if I don't have at least 10 people joining it. O_o

Aug 09 4:25 pm

It's all so trashy. What's next? Will kindergardeners be signing up for courses like "Leopard Prints 101," "Advanced Street-Corner Poses," and "My First G-String?"

LOL. I haven't been to your site in a while for some reason, but I'm glad I stopped by and read your blog. Disturbing, yes, but funny.

Aug 09 1:54 pm

"What next a class on the proper way to suck a lollipop?"~Sean

Oh my.

Why oh why? Make these poor young-in's dance. especially dirty dancing *funny face*

Pimp hats? Really Justin?

How are your mister?

Sorry for the sucky comment!

Aug 09 11:31 am

why thankyou and you can read the rest I don't think i put spoilers in *checks* well maybe there might be a little bit but it doesn't tell you the whole story wrd for word so I think you'd be okay
The other film i'm reviewing is Fight Club

I think it's so wrong that kids are doing pole dancing. I mean it's sorta cool if you did a class in it for exercise (coz it gives you an amazing body) and you were like older but under 17 is just wrong!!

I read about this mother who was letting her 6 year old dress in designer clothes and wear makeup and false nails and she did pole dancing in her crop top and her mother thought it wasnt sexual it was just exercise it was like she's 6!

Aug 09 6:36 am

I think that's crazy that they would have kids doing pole dancing. I understand it for older people because it is a workout. It's more fun than traditional exercising (I would assume?). But I don't think it's appropriate for people under age 18.

Aug 09 5:58 am

Oh, yeah. I just read your bio thing again (whoa, stalker! Kidding. No restraining orders…) And I haven't actually been to an ostrich farm, but when we went to get fireworks for the Fourth I saw a guy with an ostrich on a leash and a bunch of ducks and geese following it into a mysterious cage… I've also been to an alpaca farm. They spit.

Aug 09 5:52 am

WTF? Pole dancing for nine and younger? The world is becoming odder and odder by the day. Or maybe I'm thinking more of the word "slutty"…
If they're so into flexibility they should do ballet, gymnastics, or dance classes. I guess I'm not flexible at all, though, so pole dancing classes at a young age might have fixed this.
Uhhh… no.
And pole dancing an Olympic sport? I guess this makes sense, as people were trying to make cup stacking in the Olympics (aren't they supposed to be sports? I can stack a cup on another…)
The cake was probably about a foot tall. Picture an average Barbie (if you keep one around the house, that is) and add a couple inches. Basically you shove the doll's legs into a chocolate cake. It's pretty glamorous. I'm really happy about Prop 8, too. I honestly don't think it's mine or anyone else's opinion on who's allowed to marry. This is the land of the free, right? If two people love each other, they should be allowed to commit to each other in whatever way they feel they should.

Aug 08 10:46 pm

What next a class on the proper way to suck a lollipop?

Aug 08 5:15 pm

Nine and younger? That's just SICK! What kind of message do they think they are giving by this? Kids should stick to ballet or gymnastics. This is just not right. There is no way that this would become an olympic sport.

Wow, what is this world coming to?

Aug 08 4:07 pm

Wow. Really, NINE years and younger? That's just… I can't even handle it. I get for flexibility or whatever, but take freaking gymnastics or dance or something.. NOT pole dancing. What kind of parents would even sign their kids up for that? At almost 18, I think a lot of people would judge even ME if I took pole dancing classes, let alone a nine year old.. someone HALF MY AGE. That's just.. so freaky. And odd. And unncecessary. I would never do that to my kid o.O

I should take a video of me licking my elbow one day. I do it in a different way than bending my arm though, i twist + bend.. as weird as that sounds 😛

Aug 08 2:37 pm

Something funny? EVERYTHING I DO IS FUNNY. Just kidding. I guess that means an article… I can do that. 😛

I read about that the other day. It's pretty appalling that the classes are for the chillun'. It just reeks of pedophilia. And creepiness. And soul-hurt. It reminds me of the South Park episode "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset." =/

Aug 08 2:11 pm

Thanks so much! I'm wearing the black one right now :3

Ha ha, I get your point…it's just not right
Seriously, if you want to exercise your kids, sign 'em up for football (soccer) or , like you said, gymnastics

God, I don't even know what to say…just…no – it's nasty :S

Raven Garcia
Aug 08 10:28 am

That's terrible that it's even allowed but even worse that parents choose to send their kids there.

Thanks for adding me by the way. I read your bio and think it's one of the most entertaining ones I've read!! I hope you get your pet fox one day – maybe you could come to London and kidnap (foxnap?) one of the ones that's been terrorising our area. Little buggers!!

Aug 08 7:13 am

I'm not sure what we will do in Wales. It's Britain so the weather probably won't be great but I hope we do get a bit of nice weather because I love a walk along the beach 🙂

Yeah my brother is a great performer. I'm sure he will be great!

One of my friends said they cried at Toy Story. Aww! I can't wait to see it.

I loved reading this article. It made me think. Why the hell would parents want their children to take up an activity like pole dancing. That's mad!

It's obviously not giving kids the right message by letting them go to classes to learn pole dancing. What ever happened to the normal dance classes like ballet?

An Olympic sport? Now that's ridiculous!! "Do you count the judges' boners?" Haha that made me crease!

Aug 08 7:03 am

Pole dancing for underage kids!? WTF? Don't they have anything better and sensible things to do? I hope the parents know what's better for their girls.
I'm just so shocked!

Haha! I'd love to throw those words to the guy, unfortunately, I'm just way too nice. LOL.


My name is Justin, and you've stumbled upon my home on the web. From writing and coding to theater and cosplay, I'm always up to something. I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.

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