04

JUN

A Friendly Game of Peek-a-Boo

When I was a kid, I did some really weird shit…

I liked to tie yarn around dolls’ necks, lynch them over our staircase, and leave them hanging for my mom to discover.

Sometimes I would turn off all the lights, scream “Mortal Kombat,” and whack my family with an inflatable bat.

One time I boobie-trapped our house because I was scared those talking M&M guys were coming to get me.

Every Friday, I would put on my mom’s high-heeled shoes and “perform” classic Madonna songs. Surprisingly, my mother never picked up that I was gay.

Looking back, one of my strangest childhood rituals was a game I created. The game was simple: every time I saw my dad, I had to make the goofiest face imaginable. Sometimes I’d squint my eyes. Other times, I’d pull on my ears. One time, I distinctly remember putting a Hot Wheels car in my mouth and spitting it at him.

I even provided sound effects, which often made me sound like a dying cat. My faces got so f***ed up that my eyes were eventually popping out like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall. At first, my dad was mortified, but eventually, he joined in on the fun. It was like playing peek-a-boo, but with all parties involved looking constipated.

My dad’s faces were NEVER as good as mine. Well, almost never. When I was four years old, he totally owned me. I remember it vividly; I popped out from behind my bed, delivering the craziest face I could muster. Without missing a beat, my father retaliated by falling to the floor, pouting up his lips, and rolling his eyes in the back of his head. Whoa… he had stepped up his game.

I fought back by pulling on my hair and making goat noises. But as my dad continued to flop around like a wounded pigeon, I admitted I was no match for his brilliance. I conceded and started laughing at him. He didn’t stop; opting to continue motorboating the air. Damn. How the hell was he making such an awesome face?

Well, it turns out he was having a seizure.

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36 Comments

  • senethersyth
    Oct 06, 2015 9:30 am

    wow. Didn't you feel bad? I mean, after you figured that he was having a seizure, did you call for help?


  • Julia
    Oct 27, 2012 4:39 pm

    Hahaha that was hilarious! MORTAL KOMBAT


  • Charles Ravndal
    Jul 27, 2012 9:18 am

    A cute and funny story with a sprinkle or seriousness in the end 🙂


  • shones
    Jun 28, 2012 7:47 pm

    This cat is too cute!


  • Liza
    Jun 24, 2012 8:38 pm

    That's pretty cute! Haha. 😛 Especially the one of you in your mom's high heels. xD

    I hope your dad was okay… Did he have epilepsy or something?


  • Nugget
    Jun 23, 2012 8:24 pm

    This is hilarious. I make silly and ugly faces all the time now at my family and friends. I need to act my age more.

    I forget if I ever was a silly little kid, but I remember stuff like dropping a 2-year-old in the toilet, locking my mom in the basement, and seeing that lesbian sex scene in Wild Things with my dad. I didn't even know was sex was.


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