25

JUN

Science Destroyed my Childhood

All across the globe, scientists are hard at work; discovering more and more about the world around us. They’re making miraculous breakthroughs in fields such as astronomy, genetics, and medicine. But unfortunately, as these developments continue, I can’t help but notice that science is slowly destroying my childhood memories. Below is a list of cases where science has given my adolescence the middle finger.

1. Pluto Is Not A Planet

In 2006, Pluto was robbed of its planetary status by the International Astronomical Union, because it did not “dominate the neighborhood” around its orbit. With its comet-like appearance, it was officially demoted to “dwarf planet.” Those bitches. How is a dwarf PLANET not a planet? I mean, cell PHONES are still phones. I’ve got a message for the IAU: next time you touch one of my planets, I’m gonna kick Uranus.

When I was in elementary school, my teacher taught me the useful mnemonic device: “my very educated mother just served us nine pizzas.” Without Pluto, the delightful chant has been smashed to smithereens. Now I have: “my very educated mother just served us… nachos? noodles? NOTHING?” I love my mom, but she can’t be very educated if she thinks she can rip me off like that.

2. The Brontosaurus Never Existed

When I was a kid, I collected dinosaur figurines. I adored them. For hours at a time, I’d make my dino pals claw, roar, fight, attack, kill, and even tap dance. I loved to pit my favorite dinosaur, the Triceratops, against the evil Mr. Brontosaurus. Unfortunately, this memory is ruined for me, because the Brontosaurus is as real as the Tooth Fairy.

A long time ago, some dude found the remains of a dinosaur and dubbed it the Apatosaurus. Shortly after, another guy found the remains of another dinosaur and dubbed it the Brontosaurus. It was discovered that the two remains were of the same species and the second guy was an idiot. Apatosaurus took precedence, erasing Bronosaurus from existence and completely ruining the “Land Before Time” series. Damn… at least I still have my Triceratops. Oh shit.

3. Forget About Starfish

Starfish are very marketable to children. They pop up in many children’s books, cartoons, and toys. Perhaps it’s because of their name; I mean, you’ve got a basic shape and a basic animal combining to make an awesome complex creature. The name is utter brilliance. Unfortunately, marine biologists think otherwise. Since starfish aren’t really fish, they’ve been renamed “seastars.”

Setting aside the fact that “seastars” aren’t great burning orbs of gas light-years away, or that many of them don’t live in the sea, but rather in the ocean, I think this raises an interesting question: what about all the other confusing animal names? Killer whales should be called dolphins, dragon-flies should be called lame, and sand dollars should be called “not-real-currency.” And we should drop all the weird scientific names. The scientific name for a seastar is “asteroidea.” Hell, that’s what we should call Pluto.

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52 Comments

  • Zoe
    Jul 07, 2012 4:06 pm

    "I'm gonna kick Uranus" That made me laugh xD
    What?! Brontosaurus isn't actually a dinosaur? What is this?! When this annoying kid at primary used to ask me what type of dinosaur I'd like to be, I'd say Brontosaurus coz they didn't kill other dinosaurs and no one killed them..

    What are sand dollars? I always hear American tourists at the beach here talking about them and never known what they are :/


  • Meaghan
    Jul 07, 2012 1:10 pm

    The cop that took the fireworks didn't say a word. He was very mean looking. The cop that was driving was nice & said something like, "You guys can't shoot fireworks up in the air." He smiled lol, that's the only reason why I thought he was nice. But they never once said they would be taking our fireworks. πŸ™

    Ohhh… true. Have you ever tried one? I just don't think dating websites work. :| I see all those commercials for match.com & eharmony… they're all so cheesy & not real life enough.

    I hate how competitive nursing programs are. I got into pre-nursing easily,, but I'm not sure how the nursing program will be like. πŸ™
    Hands on work is the best! I got to do that as an intern. πŸ™‚

    I guess so. But I'll have no use the my cards when I'm older. I'll probably pass them down to my kids.
    Do you only have the original Pokemon? Or did you combine with the newer ones?

    It's only your first week!? Do you have an office? πŸ™‚
    I don't like soda. BUT I LIKE THE SNACKS AND COFFEE AND HAPPINESSSSS. Makes my mouth water.


  • Meaghan
    Jul 06, 2012 6:48 pm

    Do dating apps even work? Lol, you're probably better off on the actual website. But nevermind since you have a boyfriend! πŸ˜€

    Was it hard to get into nursing school? Because at my state college right now, I'm in their pre-nursing program. I'm not sure if I would continue to go into their nursing program, or transfer out to a school with a more well known program.

    Damn it. πŸ™ Maybe when I'm 25? I have all the rares!
    Are you gonna sell your cards?

    Lol, does your boss mind if you take a 10 minute break before you're off work? At the place that I'm hopefully working at, they don't have a computer with internet! πŸ™ I'll be so bored lol.


  • Nancy
    Jul 06, 2012 3:14 pm

    Science is awesome, but with them discovering new things, they're basically proving themselves wrong from the past. But aren't you going into the wonderful field of computer science? :o!

    Scientists are hating on Pluto because it's small. Hence that's why they call it a DWARF planet. Or they're just not satisfied with the "planet"'s performance. If your elementary school teacher taught you the mnemonic device of the planets, I think I had a crappy education in elementary school :/.

    The movie, the Lane Before Time is still a pretty awesome movie regardless if the Brontosaurus is fake or not. Remember, without the second man's mistake, there wouldn't be that awesome character in the movie!

    Not everything makes sense in life, but we should let a little imagination come into play in our life.. Whether it's logical and real or not.

    Everyone was walking around with all of the free stuff, so I felt like everyone else- walking around with free stuff :P.


  • Meaghan
    Jul 06, 2012 1:54 pm

    Then get one! I have the Droid Pro, but I want an iPhone! My contract doesn't end until 2013 though, so I might make my Mum switch with me! Hers is ending soon.

    My Mum did lol. She works at the hospital where I volunteered & interned at. She got me in & I loved it. That's when I really decided to become a nurse. πŸ™‚ an OR nurse though. I got to see surgeries & other procedures as an intern. It was amaaaazing.

    I used to have a bunch of those! I have more Yu-Gi-Oh cards though… I'm selling those when I'm 40 haha.

    Why are you commenting me back at work!? You're supposed to be working! Tsk.


  • Meaghan
    Jul 06, 2012 1:04 pm

    Lol my Dad had one of those… he also had one of the first flip phones for work. The screen wasn't even colored yet lol. It was all green & black.
    You should upgrade to a smartphone when your 2 year contract is up!

    You were thinking bright purple? I can't do that since I can't bleach my hair anymore. My hairdresser said it's bad to dye my hair lighter colors since my hair's so damaged. πŸ™ But it looks & feels fine.

    I don't even know where I would start though. I think I'll stick with my old school binder one lol. I'll probably make an online one in the near future.

    Most likely. I even talked to the manager a little before she gave me the application. I hope I get it though.. because I have no work experience. I do have volunteer experience (I volunteered at the hospital as a receptionist & a sub cashier in the giftshop for a year. I interned at the same hospital alongside nurses).

    UGH I KNOW. My Mom hates when I spend money on "useless" things. For her, that means hairdye & makeup. MY TWO LOVES. πŸ™


  • Stephanie
    Jul 06, 2012 10:01 am

    I always thought that seastars and starfish were an interchangeable name. To me, it doesn't matter if common names are inexact as long as the scientific name is. Common names for lots and lots of things are inexact.

    Contrary to what some people in the comment thread are saying, I honestly think that the scientists are just doing their honest work, and as a whole, they're not trying to destroy people's childhoods. Pluto was always quite suspiciously small to be a planet. But, oh well. Gustov Holst's "The Planets" is now complete once again!

    I say, if the brontosaurus was the same as the apatosaurus, then let's just let the apatosaurus have two names! Like "starfish" and "seastar". I think that the name brontosaurus will stick for a very long time, even though it's no longer the official name.

    However, the guy who killed Pluto is a professor at my school. And most people at my school think that if Pluto isn't really a planet, then it shouldn't be. But the guy who killed Pluto is really proud of it and is a complete douchebag, even though announcing that Pluto is no longer a planet may have been the right thing to do. I think that he's one of the exceptions because there are definitely lots of high profile professors at my school that aren't douchy. There's a picture book about how Pluto was killed too called "The Planet Hunter: The Story Behind What Happened to Pluto".


  • George
    Jul 06, 2012 7:30 am

    Funny yet true ,very nice post


  • Elle
    Jul 06, 2012 3:56 am

    I LOVED this! A lot! (Oh and I also get a kick out of typing white text on a black background, makes me feel retro)

    Love Elle xo


  • Chazz
    Jul 06, 2012 3:29 am

    hello Justin! thank you for visiting and reading my blog. My action research is on Dictation:How Far It Can Help the 2nd Language Learners. LOLLL.. no brontosaurus, no pluto and no starfish!! life is no fun anymore XD I love your layout and how I can change the colour to my favourite colours ^^


  • Meaghan
    Jul 06, 2012 12:22 am

    I told you I have purple hair like… 2 comments ago! Tsk, for not paying attention. I have pics on my IG. πŸ™‚
    YOU DON'T HAVE A SMARTPHONE!? What is this, the stone age? Lol jokes. A lot of people I know don't have one. I hope you don't have those old brick Nokia phones.

    Eh, what would I even put on an online folio?

    Not sure yet. I just got the application today, but I talked to the manager & no one else is even applying so yeah. πŸ™‚ My mom said no more dying my hair. πŸ™


  • Meaghan
    Jul 06, 2012 12:05 am

    Shweet. πŸ™‚
    Hurray for purple! I don't have a lot of purple clothing. I just like it on my hair & nails lol.

    I don't have an online portfolio. I have an old school binder portfolio haha.

    My day was all right… I might be getting a job soon! It'll be my first. πŸ™‚ It's at a store called Blooming Beauty which sells mostly hair supply. There's a rack in the back for nailpolish & lipstick/lipgloss. They also have an in store hair salon in the back too! πŸ™‚

    I have no idea… she's only active on Tumblr now. πŸ™
    DID YOU MAKE AN INSTAGRAM YET!?


  • melle lee
    Jul 05, 2012 10:18 pm

    This is funny yet true.. I can't believe too when they've said that Pluto is not a planet.. And about the Brontosaurus, I've just heard about it like just now.. after i've read it.. πŸ™ the starfish stinks though.. someone placed a dead one on one of my bags when i went to beach like 2 months ago.. and waaah to to asteroidea.. This is what I hate about science.. but they change facts for the better


  • Meaghan
    Jul 05, 2012 2:08 pm

    I could be tweeting all day erryday, but I could be inactive with blogging, adding content, etc… basically anything to do with my site haha.

    I'm too lazy to add a tweet box! D:

    Oh, was yesterday your day off? What's your job, if you don't mind me asking? πŸ™‚
    LOL. They started doing fireworks like, a week before yesterday. They sounded like gunshots. -__-

    But purple's an awesome color! πŸ™
    Awh, Mum's worried for you. That's cute doe. :3
    My portfolio is boring. It's black lol.


  • Roma
    Jul 05, 2012 11:20 am

    hey thanks for the comment. i wanted to try something different for the rihanna layout and i like how it turned out. cool blog


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