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Fashion Trends that Must Return

People love to mock old fashion trends like leisure suits and shoulder pads, but honestly, is today’s world any better? Now we’ve got crocs, man cleavage, rappers with diamonds on their teeth, hipster pants so tight they’re considered contraceptives, and everything in Nicki Minaj’s closet.

I think we’ve been way too hard on the past. After a little day-dreaming, here’s my list of old fashion trends that weren’t actually so bad.

1. Hammer Pants

Be forewarned that hammer pants have absolutely nothing to do with real hammers (although life would be easier if you could dance on someone and say you “nailed” ’em). Inspired by harem pants, these super baggy leggings were popularized in the 1980’s-1990’s by rapper MC Hammer. The pants are peg-legged and have a huge billowing crotch that droops below the knees (kinda like my uncle… hey-o!). Historians believe the extra space in the pants provided ample storage for rubik’s cubes, game boys, nintendo cartridges, koosh balls, cabbage patch kids, VHS cassettes, and Cyndi Lauper.

Without a doubt, these pants must make a comeback. Since they’re so loose and ill-fitting, they can be used to hide imperfections; bringing an end to body image issues and eating disorders. But most importantly, if you’re ever wearing hammer pants and somebody pushes you out an airplane, you’ll probably land safely.

2. 80’s Windbreaker Jackets

Fashion trends from the 80’s are totally making a comeback. Take a stroll through your local mall, and you’re bound to see plastic sunglasses, neon colors, and hair so big it puts Robin Williams’ arms to shame. Unfortunately, there is one 80’s trend that has yet to re-enter the market — the windbreaker jacket. Now, some may disagree, but personally, I adore wearing anything that is vibrant… hell, I’ve even considered sporting a bright orange traffic cone on my head.

Windbreakers grab my attention, and they blend their vibrant colors seamlessly with awesome eye-catching patterns. These patterns remind me of graffiti… but without the aftertaste of ghetto and broken dreams. Ultimately, you can’t go wrong with a jacket whose name is synonymous with farting.

3. Powdered Wigs

Powdered wigs were an integral part of fashion during the 18th century, and their story begins like many others — with syphilis. By 1580, syphilis had become the worst epidemic to strike Europe (besides the Black Death and the codpiece). Without antibiotics, victims suffered a multitude of symptoms — including hair loss. As baldness swept the nation, the people derived the only logical solution: harness Robin Williams’ arms. And when that failed, the victims wore wigs.

For a long time, the wigs were a Renaissance equivalent of the ugly Christmas sweater. But once the King of France “did the nasty” and caught the STD himself, the wigs were transformed into a symbol of wisdom. In today’s world, the powdered wig is gone… and coincidentally, so is wisdom. These wigs must come back. Not only are they super cool, but we’ll all look like mutated kitties.

4. Fanny Packs

The word “fannypack” always confused me. I mean, why is it called a fannypack when it’s worn in the front? Doesn’t “fanny” mean “butt?” Last time I checked, I couldn’t windbreak out of a fannypack. Maybe we should call them vag bags instead… or junk trunks… or sack sacks…

Despite the ill-suited name, fannypacks are awesome. They provide a hands-free storage solution for anyone on the go. And, if you think about it, fannypacks decrease your likelihood of being robbed… I mean, no one’s gonna steal your iPod if it involves reaching at your private parts. Well, almost no one. For the same reason, fannypacks make airport security checks hilariously awkward. And best of all, if you wear a fannypack, people might think you’re Batman… (all you need now is a nipple suit).

Oh, and if you really want to make a statement, you could wear everything at the same time.

Take notes, Lady Gaga.

Leave Comment

57 Comments

  • Meaghan
    Oct 04, 2012 11:56 pm

    Your site's back! What happened to it?


  • Christine
    Sep 25, 2012 3:06 pm

    I 100% support the return of powdered wigs. As a snooty English teacher I feel that my students might take me a little more seriously if I look like the characters that I'm always talking about. Nothing wrong with an image of me wearing a powdered wig, right?


  • Uglyfish
    Sep 23, 2012 9:38 am

    I have seen two people this week dressed in those pants and jackets! No wigs though, what a shame. I've worn two powdered wigs in my life because they were props for a show and I just couldn't resist….I wouldn't make a habbit of it though, they're very warm.

    Fanny means…um…..vagina in England, I always thought people were really rude saying it on shows when I was a kid!


  • Jared
    Sep 17, 2012 1:36 am

    LOL, these posts, make me smile in the beginning, giggle in the middle, and fall out of my seat and the end.


  • Alice
    Sep 16, 2012 2:15 am

    Oop, hammer pants! Actually, pop stars in Korea wear them sometimes xD
    Justin, what is with you and Robin Williams' gloriously hairy arms?
    AHAHA "fanny" actually means "vag" in Britain… I believe… ahaha but in American English it means "butt" so I was confused for the longest time too, lol. Dunno if the fanny pack an American invention, too XD

    I WOULD LIKE A POWDERED WIG THOUGH, YES. COME BACK.

    The last picture is seriously brilliant.


  • Lilly
    Sep 11, 2012 8:37 am

    Oh, hammer pants would be so convenient. Maybe they could make them somewhat refrigerated; I could store all my chocolate there D: Isn't MC Hammer a minister now?

    I love powered wigs and fanny packs. What do you mean they went out of style? D: lol. I'm loving that graphic though; genius! πŸ˜€

    I'm so jealous of your layout, by the way! I tried doing a colour-picking option before and it failed πŸ™ It's so cool though! πŸ˜€

    I actually printed my Gryffindor crest out and taped on it, heheh :p
    People say all the time, "oh, I'm sure I'm messier than you," but then they're all shocked at how messy I really am, lol.


  • Ashleenah
    Sep 10, 2012 4:57 pm

    Oh my love, I love Hammer Pants. They are so comfortable! Ha ha. Not sure about bringing back any of those other things though, maybe the fannypacks… But they would definitely have to be redesigned a bit (not such ugly colours). πŸ™‚


  • Aly
    Sep 10, 2012 3:20 pm

    I LOVE fannypacks! ^^ But make sure you never actually say 'fannypack' to someone from Australia because my friend's dad did and they looked at him in pure horror; apparently it means something completely different there xD
    My mom made me wear those jackets when I was little…..no joke, I have baby pictures of me in those things x.x


  • Lisa
    Sep 09, 2012 3:03 pm

    You were joking right? LOL
    I'm pretty sure you were…because that picture of Robin Williams is hilarious. (I love Robin Williams)
    If you were serious…sorry to hurt your feelings, but I don't like them at all! 😑

    I like classy and elegance. πŸ™‚
    My skins too yellow for neon colors. πŸ™


  • Kathy
    Sep 08, 2012 7:18 pm

    Hello! Haha I would so wear a fannypack if it was made to look like batman's utility belt. πŸ˜›

    Other than pre-cal I am taking Physics, US History, Choir, and Digital Animation. The classes are fairly easy at the moment. I hope it stays that way.

    thanks for the late birthday wish! My friends and I can't cook at all. We use cake mix and hope for the best haha.


  • Sakura
    Sep 07, 2012 8:33 am

    I can send you a sample that I got from my school's career centre if you want. Which email do you want me to send it to you?


  • Chynna
    Sep 07, 2012 3:13 am

    I could totally see myself rocking out in hammer pants but would have to say no to the powdered wigs.

    LOL AT THE PICTURE. I just snorted πŸ™ In a real bad way.

    Yeaa, DW has gone through several revamps. I've only watched a few of the old episodes because they're really hard to find online especially series 1. But I am determined to watch them!

    Definitely learned how small we are compared to the rest of the universe. Like I knew already but the Science Museum definitely put things in perspective. Plus all the things astronauts have to go through just to get into space. Sheesh.


  • nyuu
    Sep 07, 2012 3:08 am

    hmm, not a big fan of the items you listed, but the powdered wig would be cool to sport πŸ˜€ I wasn't a huge 80s fan in terms of fashion, but I can see why people liked it.

    Can you believe it? I've never seen anyone wearing crocs before! At least not in real life!


  • Cori
    Sep 06, 2012 8:26 pm

    Lawyers and judges in British courts still wear powdered wigs. I'm just saying, if it's good enough for those guys it's good enough for Snooki.


  • Christa
    Sep 06, 2012 12:49 pm

    Sad thing is, I have a pattern for those hammer pants. maybe I should start making them again and sell them. Get that one back out there. And I still rock a fanny pack – okay so it's more up to date then the older ones and it's called a hip bag.


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